It is normal for families to compete and quarrel with each other, but if they favor one party or practice unfairly, the child will be jealous, causing the two sides to start fighting, and even cause more intense conflicts. The older brother and younger brother are arguing over a cake
In order to eat the bigger cake, the two clamored to cut it. The older brother, who was stronger than his younger brother, snatched the knife and tried to cut his own piece a little bigger; the younger brother felt that his piece might become very small, so he began to cry loudly.
At this time, the mother, who saw the incident in her eyes, stepped forward: "Son, you wait, since you have already grabbed the knife by your own strength to cut the cake, shouldn't you also give your brother the opportunity to choose?" If you cut the pie, then let your brother pick the cut first!"
As soon as he heard this, his brother cut the party in half into two pieces.
There is a saying in the Talmud that goes like this: "If you compare the personalities of your brothers, everyone can be at peace with each other, but if you compare the IQs of the two, you will definitely lose both."
When brothers and sisters have a dispute, Jewish parents will become judges, and after fully listening to what the parties have to say, they will be fair in distinguishing between right and wrong. It is normal for families to compete and quarrel with each other, but if they favor one party or practice unfairly, the child will be jealous, causing the two sides to start fighting, and even cause more intense conflicts.
We always stress that brothers must love each other, but Jewish parents do not do this
Some families have good feelings and get along like friends. Older children will take care of and mentor younger children, while younger brothers will follow closely behind their older brothers. However, there are also many children of families whose feelings are not harmonious.
Although there is a saying, "Children learn and grow up in quarrels." But if the siblings in the family are always arguing, the parents will definitely be broken. Parents may have to come out often to play round and persuade them to get along well. Although the scolding will be a little, but the effect is still limited.
Children sometimes get so loud that they blush and their necks are thick, and then they run to protest with their parents, saying, "If you don't have a brother, why give birth to him?"
Conflicts between brothers are extremely serious, and if not properly resolved, they will not only destroy family harmony, but also develop personalities that are difficult to maintain good interpersonal relationships, which in turn will affect the process of socialization of children. In fact, brotherhood is a necessary process for children to grow up; if they never quarrel, they will not be able to learn how to resolve conflicts and orient relationships to the right path.
In the process of arguing and competing with each other, children will learn to identify with each other's differences, coordinate their opinions, and give in to each other.
In addition, they will learn how to accept kindness from others, and how to cooperate and compromise with each other.
If the child quarrels, they give both parties a full chance to express their opinions, and then the parents take on the role of judge, telling the children who is right and who is wrong, and forbiding the two from arguing again.
Jewish parents believe that healthy competition between brothers can effectively help children learn moral conscience, sense of independence, responsibility, etc., and they will also guide children to love their brothers and sisters.
Moreover, in Jewish families, whether between parents or brothers, as long as they were not their own objects, they had to be used with the permission of the other party. If a child plays with an object from his or her parent's desk, Jewish parents will tell their child very clearly, "This is Daddy's thing, you can't play with it."
They also teach their children that even if they are brothers, if the brother wants to use his brother's things, he must first ask the younger brother, "Can you lend it to me?" It can only be used after permission is granted.
Some people may ask, obviously they are all family, is it necessary to divide the ownership so clearly? However, if children know how to cherish their family's belongings, even if they do not receive additional moral education, they will know how to cherish the belongings and public facilities of outsiders when they go out, and will not behave in a way that bothers others. Even if the parents do not explicitly say it, the child will naturally cultivate his own public morality from family interaction.
Don't compare your child's IQ to each other
We often hear parents compare brothers, such as, "Brother is so good at reading, how can you be this virtuous?" Such utterances are very common. However, the Jews would never compare the intelligence of their older brother with that of their younger brother. Because, even if the intelligence of the two is compared with each other, children who cannot read will not make rapid progress in this achievement, but will become self-abandoned and increase the possibility of going astray.
As the Jewish adage goes, "Compare the INTELLIGENCE of children with each other, but with personality." Encouraging healthy competition and thus developing the talents and personalities of their children is the characteristic of Jewish education.
When a child goes to a friend's house to play, Jewish parents don't let the two brothers go together at the same time. This is actually the effort of parents to maintain the different personalities of their children.
They believe that even if they are brothers, their personalities or hobbies will be different, and instead of staying in the same place, it is better to go to different friends' homes to contact different worlds.
Jews firmly believe that even children born to the same parents will have their own unique talents and personalities, and it is the responsibility of parents to keep this well.
The boss is the smartest, and the old man is the most attractive
Even if they grow up in the same environment and share many genetics, there will still be many differences between a pair of brothers in terms of personality, behavior, interests, eating habits, etc. In fact, it is common knowledge that children who grow up under the same roof are still very different. Studies published by researchers all along support this claim.
The research team at Columbia University in the United States has published an epoch-making study on fraternal differences in the academic journal Science. To verify whether birth order altered IQ ability, the team analyzed 386,336 Danish men who were 19 years of age or older and underwent physical examinations and intelligence tests for enlistment between 1963 and 1966.
Among them, the most prominent IQ is divided into level 1, and the lowest is divided into level 6. Surprisingly, there is a fairly obvious correlation between birth order and IQ. The average IQ of the eldest is 2.3, the second is 2.5, the third is 2.6, and the average IQ of the younger brother is lower than that of the older brother.
The study pointed out that because the boss has spent a period of time without a competitor, he can monopolize the love and care of his parents and has the opportunity to fully develop his IQ. However, younger brothers born in the future rarely have such opportunities, so they will have an IQ gap.
Moreover, the eldest sometimes has a negative effect on the younger brother. It has been observed that younger brothers are usually exposed to tobacco, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc. earlier than their older brothers. It has been speculated that younger brothers are susceptible to their older brother's influence and are therefore exposed to these objects, which often end up with serious consequences.
According to research from the London School of Economics and Political Science, among Swedes born between 1987 and 1994, the likelihood that the second child will be hospitalized for alcohol addiction, drug abuse and other factors before the age of 20 is more than 40% of the oldest. Even if you turn 20 years old, this difference will not change. There are even analysis results that show that the suicide rate of younger siblings is usually higher than that of the elder.
So, is there really nothing better than the boss? Of course, the second is often more attractive than the eldest. Numerous studies of personality differences caused by birth order have shown that younger siblings are generally cheerful and outgoing, empathetic, and more popular than their peers.
Being open to new experiences and not being limited by established rules is also characteristic of younger siblings. Some analysts have pointed out that among those who lead the society forward and reform, the younger brother is usually more than the older brother.
The eldest generally grows up in the full love of his parents, and when he grows up, he arms himself with a sense of responsibility, obediently obeys all the rules of the world, and sometimes wants to play the role of a parent in front of his younger siblings. On the other hand, younger siblings who are always squeezed behind by their bosses will try to find their goals outside of their families, thus developing the ability to be sociable.
Neil. Neil Bush, the third child of former U.S. President George H.W. Bush, was a rather distinguished careerist. His eldest brother is George Walker Bush, a former president of the United States, and his second brother, who was governor, but he once said, "I can't stand being compared to my brothers."
Perhaps as the third oldest, the only problem he faces is that he was born later than his brothers! Younger siblings may not have the same old age to study, and sometimes get into trouble, but they are also quite attractive, aren't they?
These studies are not meant to denigrate younger children, but to convey that parents should be fully tolerant of younger siblings who share a different fate from their elders.