The Power of Charm: "Social Quotient" that makes you an attractive person
The famous American psychologist Daniel once said: "The degree of comfort you make people determines the height you can reach." ”
In our lives, some people often call themselves "straight-talking" people, and do not realize that they are not straight-talking, but "mouthless", like to say inappropriate things on inappropriate occasions, hurt others and do not know it.
Being unguarded can sometimes only be embarrassing, annoying, and uncomfortable for others, and the result is that friends around you drift away, because no one wants to associate with a person who is in a bad mood.
The most beautiful thing about getting along between people is that they are free to go in and out, relax and comfortable, let others feel comfortable is a charm, but also to establish their own good interpersonal relationships, the road of life is naturally getting wider and wider.
Born Tracy is one of america's top business speakers and world-class consultants and trainers in the field of personal improvement and career development, and Ron Arden Ron is a theater artist known as the "titan of speech training.". The duo's co-authored "The Power of Charm" shares with us the unique secrets of interpersonal relationships, which is quite instructive to read.
First, everything is predetermined
As the old saying goes in our country: "Everything is predetermined, and if it is not predetermined, it is abolished." ”
Obviously, no matter what you do, you must be prepared, don't be blind, you know, smart people never fight unprepared battles.
The authors of "The Power of Charm" point out their point: "When you get along with people, whether for social or commercial purposes, if you want to make a deep impact on the other person, then you must do your homework in advance." ”
From the time we were in elementary school, teachers taught us to learn to prepare. Before the class, I pre-study the content of the teacher's lecture the next day, grasp the key points of the teacher's lectures during the class, and solve the doubts in my heart when I prepare, so that the learning effect is a counter-example.
Many things on the road to growth need our "preview", such as you have to negotiate, if you do not understand the needs and bottom line of the other party in advance, cooperation is likely to fail.
Smart people will never fight unprepared battles, on the contrary, he will spend more time to do his homework in advance, no matter what the occasion can cope with it, more calm and confident, but also show his charismatic side.
Second, body language is important
Is a person's charm to wear gold and silver? No. Is it a luxury car? No. The most important thing about a person's charisma in social life is a good impression at first glance.
Just as a teacher's most annoying student is not how slow he understands knowledge, but sitting in class, loving to do small movements, not concentrating, and likes to disturb others...
When a person communicates with others, if he wants to mess up a thing, it is easy to destroy himself with details. The popular "Ge You lie" in the past few years everyone knows that when you go to talk to others about something, or when you go to a more important meeting, this action is of course very comfortable, but it will definitely give you a deduction, not said.
No one likes to work with a sloppy, unobtrusive person, to know any negligent details of your negligence, will leave others with uncomfortable feelings, so that the other party thinks that you do not pay attention to the cooperation between you, let alone trust.
The two authors of "The Power of Charm" wrote in the book: When communicating with people, be sure to mobilize body language, such as through eye contact, let the other party feel sincerity from your eyes, and when others say something, remember to give each other some positive reactions.
In life, we also hate when you communicate with others the most, you are seriously talking, but the other party is looking forward to it, restless, you are finished, the other party also asks you "What did you just say?" ”
Psychologist Carnegie said: "Don't listen with your ears, but listen to other people's conversations with your heart, and use body language to show that you are listening carefully to each other." ”
A proper response will make you generous and full of "social" charm.
Third, the speed of the tongue is "suicidal communication."
I don't know if there are any such people around you:
No matter what, I like to fight with others.
No matter what the occasion, I can't control my mouth, and I love to speak.
No matter what the situation, even if you are wrong, you must force yourself to think that you are right.
Buried in the hearts of such people is a "everything must win" funny idea, like to talk quickly, do not know, once or twice can, everyone will tolerate you, a long time, will only make people hate, when the party no one is willing to invite you again, because no one wants to because of a certain person, and spoil everyone's interest.
The author of The Power of Charm reminds each of us: "Be clear about your purpose in all conversations, and your purpose is not to calm or defeat the other person to show how smart you are." ”
Therefore, people who like to be smart often think that he is right in everything, and others should bow to the wind, but they don't know that others just don't care about fighting with him for a high and low, this kind of "suicide communication" is really stupid. After all, being too competitive is sometimes a disaster.
Lao Tzu once said: "The sound of loud sounds is loud, and the elephant is invisible." "Truly attractive people must understand that sometimes, silence speaks louder than words.
Fourth, charm, can be practiced
Friends with "social phobia" always have such a feeling, they can't do anything, there are obstacles to interacting with people, they dare not speak when there are many people, they dare not look directly into the eyes of others, if they need to stand on the stage and speak, it is likely that they have not opened their mouths, and their minds are blank...
In fact, no one is born with social, nothing more than the acquired exercise in various environments.
Like the professional footballer in The Power of Charm, he is a very good athlete, tall and tall, but when he speaks, he does not look like a man, but like a delicate Chihuahua.
In order to change himself, he began to learn pronunciation skills, consciously adjusted himself in the dialogue with others, adapted from i-ji, and finally practiced a low voice full of masculine charm, so that he finally had a "harmonious" charm inside and outside. After retiring from the army, he also became an excellent sports commentator with excellent tone.
Lu You wrote: On paper, I finally realized that I was shallow, and I knew that I had to do something about it.
Practice makes perfect. Practice will make a person get rid of jerkiness, and charm can also be practiced. Nothing can be seen with the eyes, and if you want to be handy, you must practice more and think more. No one is born a king, a diligent bronze, through unremitting efforts, can also become a master.
Social quotients are very important in our lives, and interacting with others, communicating, negotiating, etc. are all measuring our ability to communicate with others.
After reading "The Power of Charm", my deepest understanding is that a person who is good at communication, can express, is good at expression, will not only make the other party feel comfortable, but also show their charm to the other party, this charm is a kind of strength, but also a kind of ability, more opportunities will often favor people with social business charm.
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