This issue of popular science articles continues the personality disorder series - narcissistic personality disorder.
01
What is narcissism?
According to the Collins English Dictionary, narcissism is an extraordinary concern, appreciation, and admiration for oneself, especially one's appearance.
This stems from the story of the beautiful young Naxos in ancient Greek mythology.
The beautiful young Naxos found his own shadow in the water one day, but he did not know that it was himself, because of his love for his shadow, it was difficult to extricate himself, and finally one day he went to the water to seek pleasure and drowned, and turned into a daffodil after death. Later psychologists called this condition of narcissism (narcissism) or (daffodils) (Narcissussis, daffodils, narcissists).
(Image source: Internet)
Narcissism is a synthesis of multiple personality traits that each of us has, but to varying degrees. On the healthy side, our love for ourselves can make us more powerful. But when the degree of narcissism changes from quantitative to qualitative, a mental illness is formed: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
The difference between normal and morbid is that the manifestation of narcissistic traits in npd D patients actually causes unbearable pain to those around them.
02
Do you have narcissistic personality disorder around you?
In daily life, we may meet some people like this:
They require constant attention and praise from you, but often ignore your emotions and needs.
They feel that they are "superior" and "special" than anyone else, so they also ask others to treat them in a special way.
They often belittle you, despise you, and even attack you, and as soon as you want to distance yourself from them, they will get angry and quickly run away from the conflict.
When they work with others, they will think that they are never wrong, and it is always others who make mistakes.
These people may be patients with narcissistic personality disorder, just like the ancient Greek beautiful teenager Naxos, who fell into the love-hate entanglement of themselves and could not extricate themselves, and eventually became a daffodil that was lonely at the water's edge.
Perhaps everyone may know someone with some of the characteristics mentioned above, after all, narcissism and its various characteristics are part of human nature.
03
Criteria for judging narcissistic personality disorder
Doctors usually diagnose narcissistic personality disorder based on criteria in the Fifth Edition (DSM-5) of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association.
A person with at least five of the following nine traits can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder:
Exaggeration: They feel that they are extremely important, talented, unmatched, and arrogant. While overestimating their own abilities, they tend to underestimate the abilities of others. They expect those around them to accept their inflated sense of self, so they often brag to those around them about their abilities and accomplishments.
● They focus on infinite achievement, influence, power, wisdom, beauty or perfect love fantasies.
● Fantasize about being special: They believe they are special, unique, otherworldly, stand out from the crowd, and should only associate with people of the highest level.
● Need to appreciate: They need others to admire themselves unconditionally, they need to have an unlimited desire for admiration and appreciation from others, and they need to have a sense of status.
They may shy away from or be reluctant to admit defeat, respond with anger or contempt for criticism of others, or may fight back fiercely. Their relationship with others is very one-sided, always expecting others to give them appreciation and admiration, but unwilling to give others encouragement.
● Feeling that you have a special status: an inexplicable sense of superiority and privilege, such as the so-called "princess disease".
● Achieve your goals by squeezing others: habitually dictate, dominate, belittle, manipulate, and exploit others. Contempt is the most commonly used means of protection for people with narcissistic personality disorder.
By directly belittling and insulting others, or by passively ignoring and "cold war" others, patients gain some nihilistic self-confidence. The important point is that they have no guilt when they behave like this.
Lack of empathy: People with narcissistic personality disorder don't understand the difference between "me" and "others."
"How can anyone else have different thoughts and feelings than I do?" In other words, borders are simply a fantasy for them. Many times, the people around them are just "characters" to them, used to meet their needs in the fantasy world, rather than a living person.
Therefore, they will not hesitate to hurt others. Even if others raise objections to them, they cannot understand it, because in their eyes there is only their own needs.
● Be jealous of others and believe that others will be jealous of you.
● They are arrogant, conceited, and domineering.
If you see this and can't help but ask yourself "Am I going to be narcissistic personality disorder?" ”。 Well, I can tell you with certainty that 99% of the time you are not a personality disorder, you just have "narcissistic" traits.
Why? Because patients with narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by long-term fixed adherence to unrealistic views of themselves, it is difficult for them to realize the abnormality of their own behavior without professional help.
Don't forget, one of the symptoms of NPD is that they love themselves as perfect beings, and all problems are someone else's fault, and they are less capable of reflecting and introspecting themselves. In other words, if you have the idea of reflection and introspection, then you are most likely not.
04
How do you get along with someone with narcissistic personality disorder?
The estimated incidence of narcissistic personality disorder varies, but may be as high as 6% in the general population and more common in men.
6% is not a small percentage, and people with narcissistic personality disorder may be your friends, family, lovers, children, parents, colleagues, or partners. Maybe you will feel pain, entanglement, anger, disappointment because you have to be with them...
In addition, symptoms begin as early as early adulthood.
The typical characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder are that it is difficult to establish a real relationship with anyone, that they only have themselves in their inner world, and that they think that everything is the best.
Within their cognitive range, everything that concerns them, whether it is life, work, or their families, must follow their arrangements, otherwise they will be denied or abandoned by them.
The biggest pain of narcissistic personality disorder patients is not that they cannot establish relationships with others, but that there is no place for others in their hearts, so when reality cannot satisfy their narcissism and control, it is very difficult for them to face "self-denial", which is the biggest pain and blow.
So how do you get along with them?
● Establish your own boundaries
Because people with narcissistic personality disorder don't respect and love others, they may often cross your boundaries.
For example, in the women's dormitory of the university, some girls will casually take other people's clothes and take other people's cosmetics without the consent of others, and when others find out, she will also teach others not to be so selfish and generous. At this time, you need to calmly communicate with the other party, clearly tell him that he has crossed the line and cannot do this, and then ask the other party to respect your boundaries.
● Don't be fooled by appearances
Remind yourself that his charm may be false, and the promises he has made may be false. People with narcissistic personality disorder can be very attractive in appearance, and they are very good at drawing a "dream world" for themselves and for those around them.
For example, when in love, TA may be the most romantic and charming couple, but behind the romance, TA needs a subject. At this point, it's unwise to blame yourself or try to change them: you need to tell yourself that this may be their essence—heart full of pain and without the ability to love. They can't love themselves, so they don't have the strength to love others.
● Demonstrate confidence and calmness
People with narcissistic personality disorder like to upset others or manipulate people who look weaker. So don't take their evaluation too seriously, and be brave enough to show your confidence and calmness.
People with narcissistic personality disorder need to satisfy their inflated self-awareness by regularly belittling and humiliating others, which is one of the pathological symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder.
You just need to remember that you don't need to get to know yourself through their evaluation, you are the one who knows yourself best. Please don't take their attacks on you too seriously, and don't believe that you are so bad because of their evaluations. After all, you are the master of your life. Through hard work, you can still have your own happy life.
Don't be a part of it
People with narcissistic personality disorder need a steady stream of attention, and you should refuse to be their attention. Instead, it's important to consciously build your own support network. Know exactly what you can expect and what you can't. You know, the people who really love and support you are those who let you be free to be yourself and love yourself.
05
How is narcissistic personality disorder treated?
People with narcissistic personality disorder have a hard time changing. Because even if narcissistic behaviors cause them difficulties in every aspect of life, their instinctive reaction is to blame others for all problems, "It's all because of you, I...".
However, patients with narcissistic personality disorder are not incurable, and individual psychotherapy and group psychotherapy can help patients re-examine their behavior and interpersonal relationships, and help patients properly restrain their narcissism. However, the premise of all changes is that the patient himself is willing to change.