Wen | Forint Mommy
A very controversial incident occurred on the hot search today, a 19-year-old girl disappeared and found a suicide note in the room where she once lived, saying that she was going to commit suicide.
Her mother confirmed that the handwriting on the letter was indeed her daughter's, but did not believe that her daughter would commit suicide. The mother thinks her daughter loves life and wants to repeat her studies in medical school at a better university.
Whether the 19-year-old girl was coerced into disappearing or really committed suicide as stated in the suicide note, the result is still to wait for the police to investigate.
However, in this matter, many netizens commented that they hoped that the child would be safe, but more was a disagreement with the missing girl's mother's sentence that "she loves life".
Netizens said: Parents always do not believe that children are unhappy, sometimes sighs will be sneered at, had to wear the cloak of happiness, parents really think that they are happy.
The child's psychological feelings and moods are difficult for parents to feel.
But there is another question that arises, how parents feel, can we really feel it as a child?
Many people argue about these two issues, but in fact, this is a problem, that is, the communication between parents and children.
It is said that the three-year generation gap, the difference between parents and children is twenty or thirty years old, the growth environment of the two, the pressure and mentality faced in life are completely different.
For example, one of the most common things: learning. The child said: I have encountered difficulties in learning, and I am in pain. But parents said: We have created such good conditions for you to study, what do you suffer?
Children and parents speak from the perspective of their own experiences, and the content of the dialogue is like talking about two things, and it is naturally difficult for the two to fully understand and accept each other's point of view.
There is a deep generation gap problem in this, if the two sides still do not communicate, do not communicate, the misunderstanding between parents and children will become deeper and deeper.
How can parents maintain communication with their children?
First of all, from the child's childhood, we must have the awareness of communicating with the child
Some parents have to say: I took the initiative to communicate with my children, but I was rejected.
Just like the same crisp ending when Sen Di and Ye Yiqian talked before.
It sounds as if parents are in a passive situation, communicating with their children, and there is no response from the child's side, and the bridge of communication cannot be connected!
In the comments of the 19-year-old girl's disappearance, many people said that they had told their parents about their feelings, but their parents not only did not understand, but laughed at what was bothersome at the young age.
When the child is young, the parents do not respect the child's ideas and wishes, do not understand the child's thoughts and hearts, let the child blindly follow the parents' ideas, he naturally does not want to communicate with the parents anymore.
Ma Weidu said in "Round Table Pie": Parents and children must take it slowly, and they must not close the door by themselves. As soon as the parents have the move to close the door, the child will close the door with a bang, much faster than the parents.
Therefore, the initiative to communicate with children is actually in the hands of parents, but when the child is young, parents reject the child's communication.
Therefore, when the child is young, parents must have the awareness of communicating with the child, so that it is possible to ensure that the child is still willing to communicate with the parents when he grows up.
Communication alone is not enough, ineffective communication, and even exacerbate communication barriers between children and parents.
For example, a conversation when a parent wants to chat with their child:
Chatting like this will definitely force the child not to talk to his parents again.
Therefore, when parents communicate and chat when their children are young, they cannot "awkward chat" and "awkward communication".
The best way for parents and children to communicate is to respect their children and think from the child's point of view when problems occur. Talk more from the child's point of view, less preaching and commanding, maintain this good state, and the child will grow up to be closer to the parents.
That is to say, parents must first open their hearts, accept their children, and let their children enter their hearts, so that they can let their children accept themselves and enter their children's hearts.
The initiative is actually in the hands of the parents.
When parents communicate with their children, they can substitute their own feelings and tell their children what they think.
Parents often think that telling their children what they think is a shameful act, but in fact, it is an empathy model that is easy to "break into the child", and the child is easy to feel: the parents and I have encountered the same thing, and we are on the same side.
When children are willing to share with their parents, the parent-child relationship is not bad. Moreover, this communication method can not only make children understand parents, but also let parents understand children, why not enjoy it?
In the end, I still want to say a question, that is, about the passage written in the girl's suicide note.
This girl wrote in her suicide note: I can't feel the feelings between people, and the empathy in the later period is almost completely absent, and I can't even touch my conscience and say I love you."
Before in the bullet screen of a show, I also saw such a bullet screen: I have no empathy ability, I can't even experience love, I won't love others, and I feel numb.
Such people undoubtedly mentioned that they were once separated from their parents and did not experience the love of their parents. For example, the 19-year-old missing girl wrote: I don't get along much with my parents, and then I go to school and live in school, and I get along with my parents even less.
The inability to love and be loved is unfortunate for a person, and this misfortune is the lack of companionship and attention of parents to their children in childhood.
So parents, don't think of the child as a being who knows nothing, the child needs to love and be loved, and needs his parents to grow up with him, which can affect his psychological state throughout his life.