Zhu Ziqing: "Back Shadow" - Father's love does not speak to himself, ordinary and great

"Back Shadow" - (Zhu Ziqing)

I haven't seen my father for more than two years, and the last thing I can forget is his back.

That winter, my grandmother died, and my father's messenger was handed over, and it was a day of misfortune. I traveled from Beijing to Xuzhou with the intention of following my father home from the funeral. When I went to Xuzhou to see my father, I saw things in the courtyard, and I thought of my grandmother, and I couldn't help but shed tears. Father said, "That's the way it is, don't be sad, it's good that there is no way out!"

Returning home to sell the canon, the father repaid the deficit; Borrowed money to do the funeral. These days, the family is very bleak, half because of funerals, half because of the father's idleness. After the funeral, my father wanted to go to Nanjing to seek trouble, and I also wanted to go back to Beijing to study, so we went together.

When I arrived in Nanjing, a friend asked to go for a tour and stayed for a day; On the morning of the second day, you must cross the river to Pukou and get on the bus to go north in the afternoon. Because my father was busy, he had already said that he would not send me, so he asked a well-known tea room in the hotel to accompany me. He repeatedly instructed the tea room, very carefully. But he was finally uneasy, afraid that the tea room would not be proper; I hesitated for a moment. In fact, I was twenty years old, and I had already traveled to and from Beijing two or three times, so it didn't matter. He hesitated for a moment, and finally decided to send me myself. I repeatedly advised him not to go; He just said, "It doesn't matter, they're not going well!"

We crossed the river and entered the station. I bought tickets and he was busy taking care of his luggage. There was too much luggage, and you had to tip the porter to get through. He was busy negotiating prices with them again. I was really too smart at that time, and I always felt that he was not very beautiful in his speech, and he had to interject himself, but he finally agreed on the price; Just send me to the car. He picked me a chair by the car door; I laid out the purple coat he had made for me. He told me to be careful on the road, to be alert at night, not to get cold. He also asked the tea house to take good care of me. I laughed at his pedantry in my heart; They only recognize money, entrust them with just white trust! And can't a person of my age take care of myself? Oh, I said, "Daddy, you go." He looked out of the car and said, "I'll buy some oranges." You're here, don't move around. "I saw that there were a few customers waiting outside the fence of the platform over there. To get to the platform over there, you have to cross the railway, you have to jump down and climb up. My father was a fat man, so it was naturally more troublesome to walk over. I was going to go, but he refused, so he had to let him go. I saw him wearing a small black cloth hat, a black cloth coat, and a dark green cloth cotton robe, waddling to the side of the railway, slowly leaning down, it was not too difficult. But he crossed the railway track, and it was not easy to climb the platform over there. He climbed up with both hands and retracted his feet upwards; His fat body leaned slightly to the left, showing the look of effort, when I saw his back, and my tears quickly flowed down. I quickly wiped away my tears. Afraid that he would see it, and afraid that others would see it. When I looked out again, he had already taken the vermilion orange and walked back. When crossing the railway, he first scattered the oranges on the ground, slowly climbed down by himself, and then picked up the oranges and walked. When I got to this side, I hurried to pick him up. He and I walked to the car and put oranges on my fur coat. So I pounced on the dirt on my clothes, and my heart was very relaxed. After a while he said, "I'm gone, come over there and write a letter!" I watched him walk out. He took a few steps, looked back at me, and said, "Go inside, there's no one inside." When his back blended into the people who came and went, and I couldn't find it anymore, I came in and sat down, and my tears came again.

In recent years, my father and I have been traveling from place to place, and the situation in the family is worse than a day. He went out as a teenager to earn a living, supported independently, and did many great things. Who knows that the old world is so decadent! He was shocked and sad, and naturally could not help himself. Emotions in the middle, naturally to the outside; Family trifles often touch his anger. He treated me differently. But in the past two years, he has finally forgotten my bad feelings, just thinking about me, thinking about my son. After I came north, he wrote me a letter, in which he said: "I am in good health, but my shoulders are in severe pain, and I am holding up a pen, and there are many inconveniences, and the period of imminent departure is not far away." As I read this, in the crystal light of tears, I saw the back of the fat, green cotton robe and black cloth coat. alas! I don't know when I'll see him again!"