"As soon as the golden wind and jade dew meet, they will win countless victories in the world." Ever since we met the person we wanted on the road of life, the dream was born: to live with that person for a lifetime, from youth to whitehead. But who knows, the opposite happened, quarrels, betrayals, and separations appeared one after another, and the good wishes became the memories of the dream, and the combined team of two people eventually became an individual who went left and one person to the right.
How to make a marriage beautiful? How to make the people around you grow together with yourself and become better and better? The book "Intimate Relationships: The Beautiful Way to Get Along with Interpersonal Relationships" will bring you answers to various questions, make you full of confidence in your existing marriage, and look forward to the future time: Shaohua is secretly changed, but the people around you will remain unchanged, and everything will be better.
Why does the book "Intimate Relationship" make the reader have such a firm mind? Because this book is the coach of the [American] West Point Military Academy and Southwest Airlines, the Wall Street Journal, amazon bestseller list author Jon. Gordon and wife Catherine. Gordon, through their personal experience of marriage, in a new and real way that the two take turns to tell and refer to each other, share with readers the mistakes, experiences and lessons of their marriage, and obtain the prescription for running the marriage, in which both parties grow together and the intimate relationship is stabilized.
The well-known sentence in the novel "Siege" has made many people hesitate in the face of marriage: "Marriage is a besieged city, people outside the city want to come in, people in the city want to come out." But now the advent of the book "Intimate Relationship" has brought a brilliant sunshine to the marriage, sweeping away the haze in the marriage, and from then on, "people in the city" can settle in the "small town" with peace of mind.
Does the book "Intimacy" have so much power? Let's walk into this book with this question in mind and find the answer that will make you feel empowered.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13">01． Resolve: When you came to me, I never thought of anyone else again</h1>
There is a very vivid metaphor: "Love is like a watch, it will stop without clockwork; marriage is like a clock, in addition to having to wind, you have to endure the bell that 'dang, dang' every hour." ”
Love, full of romantic overtones. In marriage, the fireworks days of oil, salt, sauce and vinegar tea, and the moment when dishes collide, always occur, not only need to be well managed, but also need to make certain changes.
Jon and Catherine always quarrel because of the difference in their original families and personalities, but both know that they love each other, so they do not have the same family as some families in the escape of problems, the accumulation of problems more and more, and eventually scattered in the sea of people. They confront the problems, as Jon says in his book, "Because we expose the problems, rather than cover them up and let them fester." "This approach is indeed a solution to marital harmony in the long-term married life."
Catherine's insistence and determination in the marriage defense war have played a pivotal role in making the marriage better.
When Jon first entered the marriage, he did not regard marriage as important, but took his career and success very seriously, and spent time and energy on work. As a result, in the family, his labor was not seen, and everything was thrown to Catherine. This is also one of the reasons for the quarrel.
Jon then confesses to Catherine that he too has had an emotional experience of cheating. This caused Catherine to collapse almost, but this survived her strong psychological endurance, and she decided that Jon was good by nature, and most importantly, they were in love. In this way, she bypassed the idea of divorce and chose to firmly defend the marriage without change, and she firmly believed that Jon would change.
If one partner in the marriage is tolerant, the situation will quickly and miraculously change, but the basis is that both parties have a strong desire to defend the marriage. Catherine's tolerance and firmness let Jon know that his first goal was the family, so in the previous many wrong understandings, he gradually moved closer to the family, invested more time and energy in marriage, and thus obtained more and more happiness.
As now, the divorce rate continues to rise, how many people just do not give in to each other in the quarrel, have to fight for male and female, and finally shoot two scattered. If you can also be like catherine, the author of this book, put the problem on the table, give yourself a calm exit, seriously weigh the gains and losses, after all, there are not many opportunities for the "true son" in life, stick to the city of marriage, and expect that marriage will eventually bloom delicate flowers, what a beautiful thing!
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="68">02． Invest: In marriage, you are both a consumer and an investor</h1>
Someone said, "Marriage is a transaction." "Indeed, marriage needs investment, the cost of investment is time and energy, and this investment is two people, lack of either party, imperfect, unbalanced. For example, the author and the couple, at the beginning of the marriage, Jon devoted himself to work, and the family became Catherine's alone. She gave everything she had to her children and husband, making greater sacrifices for marriage and family, and Jon said Catherine was the ultimate investor.
But Catherine sometimes felt helpless, tired and miserable, unable to control her emotions. Sometimes as soon as Jon walked in the door, she would lose her temper: "I'm not going to do it!" Then drive out, have a cup of coffee, take a break, think that Jon is also exhausted from work, reached the understanding of long live, so no longer think about gains and losses.
Regardless of gains and losses, it is an important concept for the survival of marriage. If each other's gains and losses are clearly divided, then in the end the marriage will only decline. "Rare confusion" should also be applied to marriage appropriately.
Faced with their own exhaustion and rushing in different directions, the mood has become very poor, and the couple chooses the best measure: communication, communication, and communication. In the sincere exchange of each other, pour out the emotions in their hearts, both sides also understand their own difficulties, if there is no agreement, find a therapist to coordinate.
This face-to-face communication not only makes the family harmonious, but also the two no longer have resentment. Most importantly, Jon's time and energy began to tilt toward marriage and family; sometimes he would pick up and drop off his children from school, play with them, and sometimes do some housework to ease some of his wife's burden. What surprised him was that when he gradually approached a good father and a good husband, he got more love from Catherine, the love of his children, and his career was also thriving, maybe this is the true portrayal of "home and everything"! It's the return on investment in marriage and family!
The "transaction" of marriage requires joint efforts to water the flowers you want and win the harvest. Like the current full-time housewife, although almost all the things in the family are taken care of, but she also has to have a time to breathe, she also needs the help and participation and understanding of her husband, if the husband can cooperate, reduce the wife's fatigue, understand the wife's efforts, that is what a happy family should look like!
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="69">03． Together: Let her be your queen and let him be your king</h1>
The relationship between husband and wife is also artistic. Sincere praise, responsibility and support for each other, can harvest deeper love, and both parties can grow better under the care of each other, and the happiness of marriage is rising sharply.
Jon and Catherine have experienced a series of trials and tribulations in their marital relationship, and they have both managed not to give up in difficulties, but to work together to give their strength for each other's relationship, thus reproducing the most beautiful fairy tale in the world: "Let her be your queen", "Let him be your king". ”
In marriage, Jon learned to see his wife as a "queen", praise her, respect her, value her, let her become the leader with the greatest power and authority in the family, minimize the time away, put time and energy into the family, can put down all the things at hand for the sake of his wife and children, put the home first, such as doing housework, picking up the children, giving Catherine a new car, driving his old car, and taking the family out to play when he has time...
This made Catherine feel genuine love, thinking that the previous sacrifice was worth it, and her own firmness was worth it. She also treated Jon as her king. She often complimented Jon for being handsome, feeling that he was the greatest man in the world, praising him for being smart, loving, a good husband and father, focusing on his strengths, doing things that supported him and encouraged him...
In this way, the husband and wife grow together in the "throne" given to each other, feel the beauty of being loved, endure the tempering of the relationship together, meet the challenges of life together, build their own home together, make themselves better, life is full of happiness everywhere, such a family is envied, but also let people expect to have, they have created the ideal template of the family of "other people's home".
"If you want to get the results, first fix their roots." If you want your family to be as beautiful as the author, you can see the people around you as real "queens" and "kings", and give loyalty and love, attention and praise to each other. "Where there is a reward for giving", this sentence is definitely a proverb.
The two authors' alternate narratives present us with problems in marriage, as well as solutions and principles for us to solve problems, all based on their personal experience, namely G-R-I-T (G = God God, R = Firm Resolve, I = Invest in Invest, T = Together Together). God has given you the opportunity to meet, so you must cherish it for the rest of your life.
This experience secret, not only applies to marriage and family, but also applies to other interpersonal relationships, in line with the principle of "firmness, investment, together", the relationship can only be more intimate, rather than giving up or sighing afterwards, with the regret of missing out.
Like the enviable couple in the film and television circle: the marriage of Chen Xiaochun and Ying Cai'er, the two qinser and ming, playing a beautiful tune. Chen Xiaochun once said: "Once I get married, I will definitely not divorce, no matter what happens, I will think of solving it, so that the marriage can be long-lasting, even if the other party has an affair, I will only put things on the table, think of solving, rather than impulsively divorcing." It was he who took this slanderous vow and truly achieved a long-term and happy marriage.
"Holding the hand of the son and growing old with the son" has become an ideal and simple, but it is difficult to really implement it. Only when both parties twist into a rope, work together for the common goal, move forward hand in hand on the long road of life, and put marriage in the first place in life, then a lifetime of companionship will surely make dreams come true.