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How do you deal with setbacks? This question should not be difficult to answer, because growing up, everyone has encountered big or small setbacks. If you encounter only small setbacks, you may not remember exactly how you felt at that time; but if you encountered major setbacks, you will not forget how you felt at that time.
In fact, whether it is a big setback or a small setback, many people will show such a state in the face of setbacks: worry, upset, can't swallow, can't sleep at night, lose self-confidence, and be distraught.
Although many people have come out of the predicament, they have not mastered the method, but they have unconsciously passed the setback, and when they encounter setbacks again, they will still be worried. This state of affairs is actually not good, because we can't always hope for luck and master the artificial method of doing things.
Dale Carnegie said that whenever he encounters a setback and is about to collapse, he will ask himself in time: "Everything will pass, why leave yourself with all this pain?" Then he will repent, he will reflect, and he will find that when he closes his eyes and repents, his mind will become clearer, he will be able to judge problems more clearly, and thus he will be able to understand life correctly.
This kind of psychotherapy is a man-made method, which is suitable for everyone who encounters setbacks or has reached a low point in life, including many critically ill patients who turn the crisis into safety, using this method, because this can form a huge "spiritual energy", which can invisibly make up for the lack of physical and mental things.
In the book "A Man", the author Baider recalls his experience of working in Antarctica, in the ice and snow, he was trapped for five months, and finally able to be rescued, because he injected spiritual energy into his heart when he was on the verge of despair, and wrote his feelings in his diary: "Life is not alone in the world... When I look up at the stars, the stars will flicker and rotate along their orbits; the sun's brilliance will eventually shine in every corner of the South Pole... I live to the fullest! ”
No matter what kind of dilemma you encounter, if you want to get out of the predicament and get a new life, you must have a firm belief, which can quickly restore a peaceful state of mind and stimulate people's potential strength. It makes more sense to magnify this kind of thing that is good for us than to magnify the setback itself, and when you have the confidence to overcome the setback, you can really overcome it.
Friend Wei Wei also had a similar experience, she has been operating for many years of love finally became a marriage, originally thought that entering a new stage of life will be accompanied by happiness, as a result, her husband after marriage like a changed person, no longer know how to cherish, not only betrayed her, but also to her. The physical and mental pain stimulated her survival instinct, and she wanted to live for a few more years, so she gave up marriage.
Supposedly, she should feel relieved and happy after escaping the clutches of the devil, but the truth is: she is not willing to let so many years of feelings be wasted, she is not sure whether she can return after leaving the workplace, and she feels that she has no hope and no way out. At this time, when the mother-in-law begged her to remarry, saying "Remarry with my son, my family can't live without you", it made her heart like a knife, her heart was very contradictory, and she repeatedly struggled in the mud of wanting to remarry but not daring to remarry.
People who have had similar experiences should know that when facing difficulties, it is useless to do more struggles in the heart, and the more troubled they are, the more they will feel that life is very bad, which will consume our self-confidence and make us see no hope. How long this state lasts determines how long it will take you to get out of the trough.
Wei Wei did not spend too long, repeatedly entangled until later, she found that no problem was solved, but felt that life had stagnated for a long time, and felt that if she did not fight mentally, it would be difficult to turn over in this life.
She clearly realized that being impetuous and irritable was not good for her, and repeatedly competing with herself would only make her more and more anxious, so she started from these two states, doing the opposite, demanding that she must calm down, not compete, and then think about how to go after the road.
Then there was what seemed to her to be a miracle: after she did what she asked, the past troubles no longer occupied her brain, she could think calmly about the problem, and when she looked for a job again, she did not set too high a demand for herself, decided to start from scratch, first find a relatively easy job, things went very smoothly, the work brought her self-confidence, and gradually let her find self-confidence in life.
In The Virtues of Human Nature, Carnegie mentions a similar case: a man named Arnold lost his financial resources after the collapse of the company he worked for, and he had no choice but to do anything in the face of his wife who was about to have children, and he lost his belief in survival.
Feeling desperate, he locked the gate and drove madly to the river, thinking of ending his life. Halfway through, he couldn't help but cry bitterly, and then thought about the question: "As far as my current situation is concerned, is it really desperate?" ”
Although there was no answer, he decided to try again, decided not to want so much, everything went naturally, and resigned himself to fate. He said the miracle followed: "My mood began to become quiet and peaceful, and half an hour later, when I felt relieved, I drove home and fell asleep safely." ”
The next morning, he was refreshed and confident, and successfully passed the interview of a company, after which he seemed to have mastered the secret of dealing with setbacks, and every time he encountered setbacks, he did not forget to build his own psychology and rely on the strength of faith to survive, and in this way, their family's life gradually improved.
Whether it is Vivi or Arnold, what they call "miracles" is only compared to their state of worry, and it is not too much to say that they are miracles by simply changing their mentality. Anyone, like anyone, can cheer up in the predicament, change their mentality, calm down, and do not compete, they can witness miracles.
Carnegie believed that this miracle occurred from the support of faith, and the establishment of faith stemmed from inner prayer, which he believed could satisfy the three basic desires of man, and we will interpret them one by one.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="23" > prayers allow us to take the initiative to talk about our troubles. </h1>
Not everyone will find someone to talk to when they have troubles, although they have the desire to talk in their hearts, but either they can't find a suitable listener, or they don't dare to let others see their ugliness.
If this is the case, there needs to be an invisible listener, just as some people pray to God and worship the Buddha, and when they pray, they will tell the troubles and sufferings in their hearts one by one. This kind of thing needs to be done actively, anyway, the listener is invisible, you can say whatever you want, you don't need to have any scruples.
The advantage of this is that while you hope that someone will help you through prayer, you will also be ready for help from others, and you will be full of strength unconsciously, as if you have already been helped, so that you can calm your mind and let your confidence return.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="28" > praying to help us reduce stress and remove the burden in our hearts. </h1>
Everyone's life will encounter unbearable pressure, many times we have difficulty in telling others about our inner pain, then it is only suitable for praying in the process of being alone. When you pour out all your inner troubles, you will have a feeling of ease.
Carnegie said: "Compared with the ordinary people around us, the invisible being has become our most trusted listener in the world, we don't have to worry about whether they agree with us, we don't have to worry about being interrupted by them halfway through the conversation, so we can rest assured to talk to them about our troubles." ”
Psychological baggage will be more tiring than the real pressure on the back, it will make people worried, tired, nervous, and physically and mentally unable to relax. This requires us to unload our psychological baggage, if you have other better ways to use a better way, if not, try to pray while pouring out the good.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="32" > pray to turn negatives into positives. </h1>
Psychologist James said: "Imagine you standing at the top of the world and looking at everything, you will find that even if the sea is rough and stormy, the seabed is still quiet and peaceful." Life is the same, no matter how difficult it is, we should let ourselves be calm and self-assured, and we can keep our hearts unshakable, and there is nothing to worry about. ”
This is actually talking about a change of mentality, when we look at the problem from another angle, we will have different ideas from the original. For example, when encountering setbacks, think about "Sai Weng lost his horse, knowing that it is not a blessing", do not define a momentary failure as a failure in life, but just as a test for yourself, just let yourself take this opportunity to re-understand yourself, live again, and treat the present as a starting point, in fact, it already means facing success, because your position is 0, and you can move forward to 1 with a little movement.
These methods are not only suitable for people who are already in deep trouble, everyone should master, even in good times, let yourself have a good attitude, there will be miracles. When a good attitude becomes a habit, even if setbacks suddenly appear, you will not panic, because you have mastered the secret of overcoming any setbacks, just deal with them directly.