Haruki Murakami: Midoriko asks Watanabe if he likes to be lonely, he certainly doesn't like loneliness but he is more afraid of disappointment

Midoriko became cold and strange on this Sunday afternoon, the cigarettes on her fingertips turning to ashes little by little, her back against the railing of the balcony, not far from a raging fire, but she smiled and showed her longing for complete love and a deadly death.

The most worrying thing is this, the beautiful life that Watanabe and Midoriko created before, the uplifting atmosphere has become powder at this moment, and they have fallen deep into the eyebrows of the two people, and all kinds of witty words and whispers in the past cannot resist the death feast of this moment.

This is who they really are, the self they like to hide.

Looking into Midoriko's eyes, Watanabe hugged her shoulder and kissed her lips, and Midoriko closed her eyes weakly, hugged Watanabe tightly, and completed this gentle kiss without any purpose in the early autumn sun.

If it hadn't been for the fire, if there hadn't been drinking, if there hadn't been talk of death, maybe this kiss wouldn't have happened.

But this warm and secret feeling makes both Watanabe and Midoriko feel a small desire to protect in their hearts, just as a child tries to hide his cherished toy from anyone to see and share, and they also long to be able to keep this kiss. Watanabe and Midoriko's lives were not disrupted by this kiss, Midoriko had a continuous relationship, Watanabe's life was still the same, chaotic classes, part-time work, and the occasional date between the two did not bring the relationship between the two people closer. Watanabe didn't like to be alone, but he didn't want to force himself. Midoriko longs for love, but also doesn't want an incomplete, mutilated emotion.

The two men tacitly maintained contact, and although neither of them said anything, they actually understood in their hearts that they were waiting to lose each other.

Perhaps from the first time they met, the two people were attracted to each other and knew that the other could not go to the end with themselves.

When Midoriko asks Watanabe where he went on hikes, Watanabe briefly tells Midoriko about his trip, and when Midoriko is surprised and asks Watanabe why he is traveling alone, Watanabe can't answer.

Midoriko asks Watanabe if he likes to be alone, but Watanabe can't answer. Of course he doesn't like to be alone, but he doesn't like to force himself even more, because he's more afraid of disappointment than loneliness.

At that time, Midoriko already knew a little about the lonely nature of Watanabe's bones, but she was still attracted by love and walked step by step into Watanabe's lonely world.

While they imagined a distant place to be reached for themselves, they slowly slowed down their pace, because they did not believe that the other party was the one who arrived at the far side with them, so they could not suppress the idea of wanting to stay away from each other, and the illusory and unreal love made both Midoriko and Watanabe suffer.

Because of Naoko's existence, Watanabe has never been able to treat Midoriko as an object of single-minded treatment, and it is precisely because of Watanabe's persistence that Midoriko has fallen into a situation of deep love but unspeakable.

Their most honest and sincere date was probably the one on the balcony of Kobayashi Bookstore, facing death, sucking on each other's taste, confused and determined in the naked sun.