Recently, the so-called "cool" open marriage was unveiled with celebrity cheating incidents. According to Wikipedia, "An open marriage is when both spouses agree that both can look for a partner other than each other, but the marital relationship remains the same." This is completely contrary to the traditional "once in a lifetime" exclusive marriage, but it does exist in many modern families in a variety of different forms.
Existence is reasonable, super small super does not want to judge something, just want to tell you about it, so that when you meet, at least you can say "Oh" without being alarmed, and then think about whether this is the relationship you want.
Recently watched a film, called "Love Time Limit Love Unfinished", about open marriage, let's start from here. The heroine Arielle is an elegant French woman who lives in the United States with her diplomat husband; the heroine Brian is a writer with a troubled career and lives in her own world for many years. At the beginning of the relationship, Arielle confessed that she was a married woman and agreed that they could only get along on weekdays from 17:00 to 19:00. During this time, the heroine's husband Valery not only knew of Brian's existence, but also thanked Brian lights Arielle up in person, and invited him to their family gathering. But then, Brian crosses the border, falls in love with Arielle, and proposes to Arielle. In the end, Arielle chose to leave Brian and keep the promise she made with her husband that the two could associate with other people outside of each other's marriage, but eventually had to go home and be responsible for the children. At the end of the film, the heroine's family of four, and the family of three later formed by the male protagonist, meet in front of the museum they visited when they were ting, and Arielle quietly unveils the gloves to Brian, revealing the ring that Brian proposed to her.
The storyline is progressive, not abrupt, not dirty, but from the picture to the plot are very literary and beautiful, much like the fu of "Love Before the Dawn Breaks". The logic of the whole film is based on the conditions of an open marriage relationship, so it is full of rules and constraints, everyone is enthusiastic and calm, impulsive but self-sustaining.
However, nothing is absolutely free, and the premise of freedom is often more foreshadowing and restraint. Such is the case with open marriages, where there must be enough honesty and trust between couples, as well as a measure of letting go. At the dinner, Arielle, Brian, Valery, and Valery's girlfriend Jane were in the same frame, except for Brian's cramped embarrassment, the rest of them were talking to each other, enjoying their roles, and respecting each other; for example, when Brian proposed to Arielle against the rules of the game, Valery came to Brian's apartment, gave him a loud backhand slap, and then handed out a check for $250,000, and simply said: " See to her."
Any relationship needs to be maintained by rules – in traditional marriage, single-mindedness is the rule; in an open marriage, playing is also a rule; as for choosing to have an emotional entanglement with one of the parties in an open marriage, it is equivalent to tacitly acquiescing to the rule of "love without disturbing". In the film, when Brain proposes to Arielle, the rules are broken and the relationship naturally begins to disintegrate. He is crazy about it, the so-called love that ignores everything else, in this game, no one will praise, but only mock him for being too young, not understanding the rules, and asking for too much. When "the heroine agrees to his marriage proposal", the audience sighs that the story falls into the cliché and predicts that they will not be happy, because Brian is not mature enough, even the rules of the game in the adult world do not know how to abide by, do not know restraint, talk about giving the heroine love, taking on life for her, let alone taking on the role of the children's stepfather, and letting Arillelle integrate into his family, and so on.
Everything has boundaries, there are rules, and if you break the rules beyond the boundaries, the game cannot be played. As the film puts it, open marriages are "clearly demarcated, need to be observed, and tacitly acknowledged."
But such a rule is torture for most people.
In the film, Arielle, who lives in a loveless marriage, but always wears and hides the wedding ring given by Brian, this kind of split tolerance is a kind of consumption and torture.
In real life, I know a couple who practice open marriage, both of them are quite good-looking, outgoing, have a decent job, the circle of friends is colorful, today the man and the beauty go diving together, tomorrow the woman goes hiking with the small fresh meat, and the children who see the life begin to doubt life ~ Until one day when the friends gather, when the wine is drunk, the woman said that in fact, she is particularly empty and has no sense of stability in her heart, and the man is also. After dinner the day before yesterday, the husband said to go out, she thought that she was going to see her girlfriend again, as usual, she responded well, and then she was at home, thinking that it was almost the New Year, the parents of both sides had not yet done a good job, the husband was not concerned, and even had the heart of the warbler and swallow, the heart was particularly unhappy, and he also went out in a huff. As a result, I saw my husband in the community garden less than 200 meters from home, and there was no one else around, sitting on a bench smoking alone. She was stunned for a moment, but finally walked over. After this open heart chat, I learned that my husband has long played enough of the flower world, and he is not so restless, the so-called open marriage between them, constantly looking for excitement outside, is actually just immature, loves to escape, and wants to use "play" to escape the trivial life of chai rice oil and salt, to escape the face of two people. In the past two days, she began to seriously think about the meaning of marriage and how to adjust her mentality and live an ordinary life in peace and stability. She said: "Life is going to be calm after all, but I didn't want to be the one who surrendered first." ”
Over the years, public opinion has always been advocating to constantly jump out of the comfortable zone, try more and make more breakthroughs, and broaden the boundaries of life. But I would like to say that there are some things that do not need to be experienced at all, if you do not touch it, it exists in your parallel world, as long as you do not do it yourself, its existence has nothing to do with you. Like drugs, like SM, like open marriage. If you are at peace in your nature and feel that "plain and simple is true", then don't be quiet on the surface of life, and at the same time, you are eager to try, coveting the opportunity to experience such a laborious and uncontrollable relationship; even if someone makes an offer, please refuse. "You are a spring flower, so there is no need to experience winter snow in order to give yourself so-called grinding."
Everyone has a piece of soil suitable for their own relaxed and happy life, and there is no need to cater to the rules of other circles for the sake of so-called thrill seeking, or to prove that they are "cool". Such an attempt is called hard brace, and hard brace, at most for a while, can not be a lifetime, a long time, will always collapse.
Just like Tong Liya, a traditional woman with three from four virtues cultivated by a straight male cancer family, she identifies with male power in her bones, loves hard and humble, even if at first she can pretend that she doesn't care and say "men go home", but after a long time, they will eventually be exhausted. And this moment of letting go, don't say anything about the whole body retreat, the only thing that hurts is yourself - a good girl who does not conform to this game and this rule from the beginning.
Finally, "If a guy unilaterally proposes that he wants to develop an open relationship with you, no matter how beautiful he looks and how much reasonable value output he has, he just wants to play with you." 」 "This is what a male friend who is a veteran of the love scene taught me.