01
"Goodbye Lover" ended, I wrote a lot of articles about Zhang He and Guo Keyu, but I still want to write another one. The reason why I pay attention to them is because they have been a pity for me in the past ten years, and marriages like the two of them are very common in real life and very revealing to us.
Regarding the marriage of middle-aged people, there is a sentence "the marriage of middle-aged people, why not show love while sleeping in separate beds", in real life, there are too many middle-aged people's marriages have reached a very embarrassing situation:
They live under the same roof but do not communicate, do not talk much, when the child leaves home and lives in school, they are even more indifferent to each other; they are ashamed to express love, feel that the old husband and wife, there is nothing to talk about love, do not say love, do not hug; they are lonely in marriage, feel that there is no love in marriage, for the sake of children to maintain, but there is one less opportunity for divorce.
But it is worth pondering: why do two people in a marriage drift apart, and what is wrong? Therefore, Zhang He's marriage to Guo Keyu is very enlightening, because I have seen too many middle-aged couples from them.
Zhang He and Guo Keyu persisted in that marriage for ten years, and finally ended in divorce. Two people are divorced and come to participate in emotional variety shows, which may be strange to some people, but you have to think like this: it is precisely because they have doubts about the past marriage that they have to seek an answer.
Zhang He and Guo Keyu really came to the right place to participate in the show, they both found the answer they wanted, and the communication between them became better. In the past, in marriage, two people could not talk about one piece at all, and when they talked about Zhang He, they were anxious, and then Guo Keyu did not dare to say anything. When the couple no longer communicates, can the feelings not be a problem?
In this article, I deeply analyze the enlightenment brought to us by the marriage of Zhang He and Guo Keyu, their marriage is broken, mainly because they have done these three things wrong.
02
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="44" > first: shame to express love, will not express love</h1>
Chinese the expression of love has always been relatively obscure, especially the marriage of our parents, "I love you" if the three words are said, many people will feel embarrassed, how old people are, old husbands and wives, how good to talk about love. But what I want to tell you is that if you want to love not die in marriage, you must dare to express love, not only to talk about love, but also to "kiss and hug and hold high" in marriage.
Zhang He is a Scorpio man, he is a bit of a macho, his emotional needs are extremely high, he needs his other half to give him temperature, give him heat, often lie to him, say I love you or something. But the problem is that Guo Keyu is not that kind of woman, she will not cater to men, especially after getting married and having children, women have given a lot of love to children, taking care of children are so busy, where does she have time to share with men?
Besides, Guo Keyu will not be spoiled, and will not directly express his needs.
Zhang He is very direct, you have to say what you have; but Guo Keyu pays more attention to details, so Zhang He sometimes asks her, and she will answer what she asks. Moreover, Zhang He's temper was easy to be anxious, and Guo Keyu was a little afraid of him, and the two people could not go together, and later they had no desire to talk.
Why do some people always say that marriage is the graveyard of love? It's because they forgot to express love in their marriage.
Love is not only a thing that must have action, but also be spoken in words, and language is also a kind of action.
You have to say your needs, don't be ashamed to express, according to me, there should be no shame in marriage, what do you have to worry about? That's the lover in your intimate relationship, you can say whatever you want, don't hide everything in your heart.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="52" > second: more patience and respect to listen</h1>
I just said that Zhang He's temper was very impatient, in fact, some of the questions he asked Guo Keyu had answered, but he felt that it was not the answer he wanted, so he felt that Guo Keyu did not answer. But have you ever reflected on yourself, is there less patience and respect?
On the issue of eating, Zhang He asked Guo Keyu if he had eaten, how about that restaurant? Guo Keyu described how the restaurant was decorated, how the hostess was, and what she focused on was a feeling. When she described the details, Zhang He lost patience and showed great impatience, and Guo Keyu simply did not say anything when he saw him like this.
In fact, many couples have such problems when communicating, less respect and patience for their partners, when two people no longer communicate, do not sleep together under the same roof, do not speak, then the distance of the heart is far away. There was too much ineffective communication between Zhang He and Guo Keyu, and they couldn't say that they could go together, and over time, they gradually drifted away.
I still remember that during the trip, Guo Keyu read a lyric, and Zhang He said next to it, isn't that the feeling we feel in Ghost City? Guo Keyu happily patted Zhang He's shoulder: "Teacher Zhang, it turns out that you understand me." What does this sentence imply, in the past, Zhang He did not understand Guo Keyu, but it was not that he did not understand, but he did not want to understand, because he had no patience.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="57" > Third: Don't be too sensible in marriage</h1>
I have always felt that Guo Keyu is too sensible in marriage, she is a person who will digest a lot of negative energy information, Zhang He does not like to listen to her talking to her and simply does not say, Zhang He did not notice a lot of details, she is tired, and gradually do not want to be a virtuous wife. Zhang He asked her if she had a lot of dissatisfaction with him, she still did not say, she said you are very good. But in fact, she had some dissatisfaction with Zhang He.
Including the three years that Guo Keyu was ill, how did she survive alone, and did she tell Zhang He how bitter she really was in her heart? Women don't be too sensible in marriage, you have to have a degree of certainty. Guo Keyu said in an interview with "People" that her marriage was internal friction because she digested a lot of negative energy herself, and those negative energy consumed herself.
Women don't be too strong in marriage, you have to say your difficulties, let the man next to you know.
03
Zhang He is also too shaft, Guo Keyu did not say that he loved him, or deliberately joked, he felt that Guo Keyu really did not love him. But Guo Keyu is just joking in many cases, Zhang He is serious, we and our partners really don't need to be so serious, we must be able to make jokes. Guo Keyu became very reluctant to speak after marriage, which is actually related to Zhang He's way of communicating with her.
After an 18-day trip, Zhang He and Guo Keyu's communication style improved, and they finally let go of the wall in their hearts. Zhang He loves Guo Keyu very much, but out of revenge and self-esteem of men, he is afraid to continue to love Guo Keyu; Guo Keyu has feelings for Zhang He, but because she has been disappointed, she does not dare to say love again. Fortunately, in the last hug, both people were relieved.
In our lifetime, it is not easy to meet a person, and if there is no particularly big problem of principle, we must not be easily separated. Once separated, it is possible to miss a lifetime, is it not a pity?
Two people as husband and wife, we should also talk about love in marriage, we should give love nourishment, we should hug, we should spoil, we should express ourselves, we should not hide it, more patience, more respect, not so sensible, less infighting, more trust. Old husband and wife, what's wrong, old husband and wife, we must "kiss and hug and hold high".
Don't miss it easily, once you miss it, it may really be a lifetime.
Blessing Zhang He and Guo Keyu, regardless of whether they can get back together, they have found a better version of themselves and a way to get along.
It is a wisdom to be able to handle a good marital relationship, and may you and I both have the ability to make ourselves happy.
Today's topic: Why do many middle-aged couples walk and walk and disperse? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.
- END -
★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.