In December 2009, Ding Jiali, a 50-year-old performing artist, sat on the podium of the first Hebei Civic Virtue Education Forum, facing more than 2,000 young people in the audience, confessing her past individuations: divorced twice, had abortions four times, and cheated on others behind her husband's back after marriage.
Ding Jiali's physiology and psychology have experienced great torture, and she warns girls in the world with her own personal experience: Only by keeping the way of women and being a woman with a duty can she get a happy life.
Ding Jiali's words were shocking, and the next day the newspaper published a sensational headline: "A Female Movie Star's Confession: The Idea of Sexual Liberation Hurt Me."
A friend said to Ding Jiali, I beg you, you don't go on stage again and say that you are a little broken, you are all this age, why do you still want to go out of the limelight, don't you know shame?
Ding Jiali said: At the age of fifty, I feel extremely ashamed of what I have done for most of my life, if through my reflection and reflection, I can give you a little enlightenment, then why should I lose all my face?
Ding Jiali was born in 1959 in Jiamusi, Heilongjiang, during the "three years of natural disasters", Ding Jiali also had an older sister above, the family really could not support, so he wanted to give her away.
Because she was too thin and malnourished, no one wanted to send 7 families, until now her adoptive parents accepted her.
Her adoptive parents are very protective of her, no different from her biological parents, and Ding Jiali said that her adoptive parents are very kind to her.
Ding Jiali was highly talented in art and was admitted to the Shanghai Theater Academy in 1980.
After graduating from university, Ding Jiali became an actress in the National Drama Theatre. She had just arrived in Beijing and lived in a basement, and her hard life in a foreign land made her long for a warm home.
Her adoptive parents taught her to be a woman in a decent style and to keep her duties. But she couldn't listen to it, and she was particularly disgusted, thinking that they were old feudals, what era was it now, and that they wanted to emancipate their minds, follow their feelings, and do whatever they wanted.
Ding Jiali met her first love boyfriend Hu Guangchuan, and her parents were very opposed at the time, saying that this person was not suitable for her, and even the unit leader reminded: "He is sick, you have to consider it!" ”
She can't listen to it at all, falls in love, can't hold her passion, and takes the initiative to have a relationship with her boyfriend.
Before stealing the forbidden fruit, Hu Guangchuan asked her: "This matter is very important, have you thought about it?" ”
Ding Jiali was immersed in love, forgot everything, and did not think about the negative consequences that this matter might bring.
Ding Jiali lost her virginity for her boyfriend, but the boyfriend did not appreciate her efforts, but had a contemptuous attitude: "A woman does not love herself, and others look down on you." ”
Breaking through the last line of defense, the mystery of love is gone. The forbidden fruit is like a bitter pill coated in sugar, the sweet taste disappears in an instant, followed by disaster, Ding Jiali is pregnant before marriage.
In that conservative eighties, the mental pressure of unmarried pregnancy made her live like a year, had no intention of acting, could not eat, could not sleep, and lost her hair.
She didn't dare tell her parents, she could only tell her boyfriend. The boyfriend did not want to be responsible, but blamed Ding Jiali and said: "You ruined the best time of my life." ”
She was dumbfounded on the spot, her boyfriend could not count on it, and she could not delay it any longer, so she secretly ran to a remote village and town health center in Beijing for artificial abortion.
The doctor asked her if she was married, and she lied and said that she was finished, but the experienced doctor saw through her at a glance and naturally did not have a good face for her.
When doing the curing operation, Ding Jiali felt like cutting flesh with a knife, and the pain was worse than death, and she begged the doctor for forgiveness: I was wrong! I was wrong!
The doctor said coldly, "Now that you know it hurts, why did you go early?" Don't face! ”
Ding Jiali lay on the operating table in a daze, ashamed of herself.
After the operation, Ding Jiali's hair was soaked, and the doctor said softly: "Silly child, don't do this in the future, pay attention not to get cold water during the month." ”
Ding Jiali cried.
In 1986, Ding Jiali hurriedly married Hu Guangchuan, and after marriage, she quarreled every day, and then she found that her parents were right, and they were really inappropriate.
Her husband traveled for a long time, Ding Jiali could not stand loneliness, watched pornographic movies every day, collected yellow strips everywhere, and later had a relationship with a husband with a wife, and became pregnant.
Ding Jiali panicked and quickly sought a solution from the man.
Who knew that the man did not recognize the account: "Is this child really mine?" You can do this with me, you will do this with others, you can solve this matter yourself! ”
The weather was very cold that day, Ding Jiali's mind was blank, her tears were cold and cold, and she slipped away to have an abortion.
After a miscarriage at noon, he took a train to the snowy northeast in the afternoon to shoot his first movie, "The First Woman in the Mountains and Forests".
In the field of minus 40 degrees, the snow is waist-deep, and Ding Jiali kneels in the snow, and one shot is a day.
The snow soaked the cotton pants, Ding Jiali's stomach hurt so badly that she couldn't stand it, and the doctor in the hospital in the town didn't have a good way, so he gave her Du Leng Ding, and finally Du Leng Ding didn't work.
After the scene was filmed, Ding Jiali immediately rushed to Harbin University Hospital for medical treatment. Doctors said she was acute pelvic inflammatory disease, had become chronic, was difficult to cure, and would last a lifetime, which was the consequence of abortion.
This disease has always plagued her, as long as she is tired, or cold, her stomach hurts and tears her heart and lungs, which also leads to endocrine disorders and stomach problems.
When her parents learned of her two abortions, they were particularly angry and said, "You are so disgraceful, you will definitely be punished in the future." You have just fallen the child, he is your flesh and blood, and it is also your life! ”
Father was so angry that he slapped his own mouth in front of her, and every time he hit it, it was like sucking her heart.
When Hu Guangchuan learned the news of Ding Jiali's derailment of abortion, his face turned blue.
In 1987, Ding Jiali was pregnant with Hu Guangchuan's child, and just when she was about to enter the operating room in labor, Hu Guangchuan suddenly called her and told her: "I am getting along with a woman 10 years older than me, and we are very happy!" ”
Ding Jiali's heart was pricked fiercely, and she begged, "I'm about to go to the operating table, don't you tell me this?" ”
Hu Guangchuan said viciously, "I am going to take revenge on you, and you know exactly what you have done!" After saying that, he hung up the phone.
Ding Jiali gave birth to her daughter Hulina in pain, and divorced her husband a month later.
Ding Jiali does not blame her husband for cheating, but she does not cherish a happy life and ruins all this.
Ding Jiali, whose family failed, achieved success in her career, she won the Golden Rooster Award for Best Supporting Actress for "The First Woman in the Mountain Forest", and then filmed films such as "No One Applauds" and "Love Fool".
Career splendor does not replace Ding Jiali's inner desire for love, she met a university teacher at a friend's party, and entered the marriage hall in 1990.
Ding Jiali was busy working to earn money and was away from home for a long time, and her second husband was greatly dissatisfied with this.
The two people's ideological interests are also out of tune, Ding Jiali rehearsed at her own home, like a drunk, but her husband did not understand appreciation, always interrupted her: "This is a place of life, not a place of acting." ”
Ding Jiali won the Golden Rooster Award for Best Supporting Actress again with the movie "New Year", but her husband was not happy, he did not expect a woman with a successful career, such a life was not what he wanted.
The contradiction between the two is getting deeper and deeper, and the time is long, and they have no patience with each other.
In 1994, Ding Jiali reached her due date and wanted her husband to accompany her to the hospital. He sat down on the couch and said coldly, "Don't you take care of everything yourself?" ”
Ding Jiali entered the delivery room accompanied by her mother, and the nurse asked: "How can you be alone, the child's father?" ”
She held back tears, did not answer, and gave birth to her son in pain.
After the child is full moon, the husband frankly tells her that he already has a more suitable person, let's get a divorce!
Ding Jiali was suddenly blinded, and it turned out that her husband had cheated on his female student the day after she gave birth to the child, and the two had a great quarrel.
She did not want to divorce again, and knelt down in front of her husband with her son, who had just turned a full moon, and begged him to look back in the face of the child, the daughter had no father, and she could not let the son have no father.
The man changed his heart, the nine cows could not be pulled back, and they were still divorced.
Ding Jiali's self-confidence was destroyed, and she became vulnerable and inferior. The two marriages disintegrated one after another, making her feel that she had failed so much as a woman.
Ding Jiali finally found self-confidence and value in the career she loved, and in the hot summer of 1999, "Marie Curie" starring Ding Jiali and Sun Honglei was staged, which caused a sensation.
Ding Jiali was too involved in acting, fell from the stage to the audience, and broke her bones at that time. She endured the pain of drilling and went back on stage to insist on performing.
After the performance, colleague Sun Honglei found that she fell not lightly and sent her to Jishuitan Hospital.
During his hospitalization, Sun Honglei often came to see her, brought her a lot of fruits, and carefully cut an apple and handed it to her each time. Sun Honglei's care made Ding Jiali's heart gush with warm gratitude.
Ding Jiali found that she would still love, but also need love.
Sun Honglei had just ended a relationship at that time, and with the help of her intimate sister Ding Jiali, she stepped out of the shadows, and the two also burst out of the love spark.
That year, Ding Jiali was 40 years old, Sun Honglei was 29 years old, and the age gap of 11 years old was not worth mentioning in front of love.
The two love feverishly, Ding Jiali likes to drink Lulu, Sun Honglei bought a whole box of Lulu to place under her bed; Ding Jiali was ill and hospitalized, Sun Honglei cooked soup at home and took it to the hospital to drink.
Ding Jiali is already an old drama bone that has won the Golden Rooster Award twice, Sun Honglei is still a newcomer in the film and television circle, and the Internet legends that Ding Jiali has helped Sun Honglei a lot in her career, pulling resources for him everywhere, and even in order to let Sun Honglei get a role to kneel for the director.
These legends do not have a real hammer, nor do they know whether they are true or false, but it can be seen from the side that people have a natural prejudice against sister-brother love with a large age gap, believing that men and older women must have a plan when they fall in love.
Ding Jiali took Sun Honglei home to see her parents, naturally met with strong opposition from her parents, she has already fallen twice on the road to marriage, how can she not remember sex for a long time?
In 2002, the movie "Zhou Yu's Train" was released, and the scandal between Sun Honglei and the big star Gong Li spread wildly. Ding Jiali understood that Shuai Lei Lei no longer belonged to her, and their end was already doomed.
She did not say a word about Sun Honglei's no, and later saw Sun Honglei at an award ceremony, and her heart was already unfazed.
Ding Jiali has won the Golden Rooster Award, hundred flowers award, Huabiao award, plum blossom award, the career can not be said to be unsuccessful, but her emotional world is full of holes.
She felt that this was God's retribution, and she should bear this suffering and complain about others.
Ding Jiali believes that she is the most failed person in the world, not doing a good job of daughter, making parents sad; not being a good wife, letting the marriage break up; not being a good mother, making children suffer.
When Ding Jiali and her first husband Hu Guangchuan divorced, in order to seek new feelings, did not want the daughter of this oil bottle, Hu Guangchuan evaporated due to business failure, daughter Hu Linna borrowed in various relatives' homes, and only met her mother Ding Jiali twice in 15 years.
It is common for relatives to scold Hu Linna and close the small black house, and her childhood is even worse than that of Fang Xiangjin in "An Jia".
Later, she cried on the show: Why did my parents give birth to me, but they didn't want me?
Ding Jiali was also ashamed and embarrassed, she was too selfish, too sorry for her daughter.
Instead, the daughter expressed her understanding: "My mother is not selfish, she has no way, and it is not easy for her to live alone." ”
Ding Jiali and her second husband's son were sent to her adoptive parents' house by her, and the mother and son did not spend much time together.
The son remembered her well: she could not enroll in school due to the hukou problem, and it was her mother who gave people a kneeling in exchange for the opportunity to enroll.
Now Ding Jiali vigorously makes up for her past debt to her children, her daughter Hu Linna has also entered the show business circle, Ding Jiali has filmed a lot of scenes with her daughter, and recently CCTV eight sets of "Xiaguang" have wonderful performances of mother and daughter.
Hu Linna also played Li Dazui in "Shen Jilan's Proposal" of "Meritorious Service", and her acting skills came alive.
After graduating from the Beijing Film Academy, son Song Xinqi became a new director, and the director's short film also won the Best Short Film Award at the Golden Rooster and Hundred Flowers Film Festival.
Today, Ding Jiali no longer has illusions about marriage and love, converts to Buddhism, deeply reflects on her past words and deeds, no longer plays pornographic things, and no longer tells yellow jokes.
She regretted that she had 4 abortions in succession, saying: "In my life, I have not properly honored my parents, nor have I received real care from a man, all because I do not love myself and do not keep my duty." ”
Looking back on the first half of her life, Ding Jiali summed up the truth of life: only when women respect themselves, men will respect us, and can they truly find the person who loves us.
Modern people are pregnant without marriage, extramarital love, and one-night stands are too many, only seeking the pleasure of carnal desires without real love, and ultimately there are no good results, and in the end there is only endless emptiness and loneliness.
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