Recently, I have seen some parents frequently
For the sake of the child's eating problem
The couple quarreled and even got into a fight
We often say
The families of the "rice masters" are all similar
The families of "rice dregs" have their own contradictions
Today we will borrow such a case
Share some with parents
Analyze the idea of this kind of problem
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My daughter is six years old, she can't use chopsticks, and it's not right to use a spoon, and she can't spit out watermelon seeds when she eats watermelon, is it a shameful thing?
My daughter will be six years old in October, she usually uses training chopsticks and spoons for eating, and she uses a spoon for eating in kindergarten, she holds the spoon in the wrong way, she holds it with her fist instead of holding it like a pencil, and she usually corrects her when she eats, but she often forgets. At dinner, she held the spoon wrong, afraid that we would say her, she wanted to use training chopsticks, her husband severely stopped and forcibly demanded that she must use a spoon, I interrupted (I think my husband's roar is too loud and serious, okay, I can't watch my husband train children), I let her use training chopsticks to pick up vegetables, and use a spoon to drink porridge (I review, I shouldn't go against the tune when my husband educates, my husband never speaks when I train children, and will unite with me)
My feeling is that it is not a big deal, and maybe it will change one day. But what my husband means is that she is almost six years old, and she doesn't even hold the spoon in the right way, although she usually corrects it gently, but she can't change it, whether it is a gentle lecture is useless, and she can only remember it if she criticizes her harshly.
I am against preaching and criticizing children during meals, and I want to give children a happy dining environment. What her husband means is that she has been eating by herself since she was two or three years old, and she will not be able to hold the spoon correctly at the age of six, which means that it is not good not to criticize and not be harsh, and she must be ruthless to remember, a happy dining environment is very important, but the correct way for children to eat is also very important, otherwise she will not be able to use spoons and chopsticks correctly when she is very old, and what will others think of her. He would rather yell at her at our usual dinner to make her correct, rather than have a lifelong shadow of the child's face in front of the public (I don't think the child will be embarrassed if he doesn't use a spoon, I mean he just needs to eat enough).
Children will not spit out seeds when they eat watermelon, and I will pick seeds for her before eating melons when I am a child, which may have formed in her cognition that she should pick seeds first when she eats melons. I told her that she could just vomit and that there was no need to pick it, but she wouldn't, and with the watermelon juice running everywhere, I had to clean up the floor, the table, the laundry, and the slimy baby (the main reason), so I gave up on letting her spit the seeds. It's a matter of picking the seeds for a minute, but it takes a lot of a minute to clean them up, and I'd rather pick the seeds.
This time the child who ate the watermelon let the seeds pick again, the husband stopped and strongly asked her to spit out the seeds herself, the child bit it after eating the watermelon seeds, spit it out, and spit out the watermelon juice, I can't bear to take the child's watermelon and pick the seeds directly (or review, should not interfere when the husband teaches the child to spit out the seeds)
My husband said that I was too meticulous in raising a baby, and such a child would be an alternative when he grew up. Think about it, everyone else eats melons and spits out seeds, and you have to pick the seeds first when you eat melons, is it to show off your delicacy and set off others' vulgarity? Such children are not at all gregarious and do not like it. If it is raised too delicately, it may attract jealousy and be detrimental to the child, what if someone else makes the child stumble and the child is ridiculed and bullied.
There is also a problem of slow eating, I eat slowly, my husband eats quickly, and he can eat three meals in one meal. I can also eat fast, but I feel that eating should be a very enjoyable and relaxing thing, and it is not necessary to eat too fast. My husband thinks I'm right, but the child eats too slowly, and she only eats one of the three delicious others in the kindergarten, and when she wants to eat again, it's gone. When she grows up, she will eat with her classmates and colleagues, and everyone else has finished eating, but if she doesn't finish eating, everyone else will have to wait for her? She will be stressed when others are waiting for her, right? Will she be embarrassed, so she will simply not eat, and when the time comes, she will be wronged if she can't eat enough.
None of my teammates and I can convince anyone of the above problems, I think it's not a big deal to go with the flow, and my teammates think that they must be corrected, otherwise they will suffer a big loss in the future.
Another: My teammates think that I am raising a child to make up for my childhood, I dote on my child too much, I do everything too obediently, and the child has not experienced any blows and setbacks, which is not good (I don't understand what a six-year-old child wants to fight frustrations, an ordinary family like me, the child's days of hardship are behind, why let her suffer early). I want the child to be a lively, generous and confident child, very failed, the child is timid and not very gregarious, speaks illogically, incoherently and unclearly, is bullied and cannot correctly describe what happened, ask her questions she is always in a hurry, I don't know how to educate. My original intention is that the child is healthy and happy, and my teammates think that the child is too happy and heartless, with poor empathy and no understanding of bullshit (I take the child to see a doctor and draw blood, I faint and faint, the child is like no one, I am afraid and still playing with the mobile phone).
From the perspective of a bystander, the main contradictions of parents at the moment are:
1. The posture of holding the spoon is wrong, and the child's current posture of holding the spoon should be as follows
2. Children will not spit out seeds when they eat watermelon
3. The child eats too slowly, and she only eats one of the three delicious others in the kindergarten, and when she wants to eat again, it is gone
In the eyes of parents, there is no need to learn to eat at all, everyone is self-taught.
Parents now believe that the child's various eating problems are caused by herself, and the child is the first person responsible for these problems. At best, parents are not well supervised and bear secondary responsibility. So all the discussion is about who is the right person to supervise the child? All the arguments of the couple are trying to prove that they are right and the other is wrong.
Neither parent thought about the question all this time – what does the child need?
The blind spot of parents' current knowledge is that no one is born with a spoon, and children are not born to know how to chew. "Eating" is a skill that can only be mastered through learning. Humans are born with only sucking and swallowing. The process of a child's introduction of complementary foods is the process by which all the adults in a family teach human cubs how to eat.
Eating, like children learning to walk, speak, and write, must be mastered through acquired learning and continuous practice. Just like a teacher teaches a child to learn addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, a child's talent is important, but more important is the teacher's teaching method. Teach children according to their aptitude, accurately analyze the current difficulties and problems of children, and patiently teach them with learning methods suitable for children.
1. The posture of holding the spoon is wrong.
Although the parents did not say it, based on our experience, the child was fed by the parent for a long time.
If you give your child a spoon from the age of 6 months when you take your first bite of complementary food, your baby will probably learn to hold the spoon and put food in his mouth in this way until he or she is about one and a half years old.
Below is a video of our student baby eating at the age of 9 months, which is a child who has been learning with us since the first bite of complementary food in June
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It can be seen that after 3 months of practice, the child can actively try to scoop food with a spoon. Although he failed to spoon the food upside down, it was a successful exercise.
What we want to say is that it is not as easy for children to learn to use spoons as parents think. The above baby and parents are still making rapid progress under our full guidance, and it takes two or three months to take the initiative to scoop food with a spoon and try hard, so a child who has been fed for a long time, first of all, must correct her misconceptions about eating for many years, and then give her the opportunity to try to practice on her own, guess how long it will take?
Here's a case of our intervention: A 2-year-old baby who has been fed by his parents and is reluctant to touch food with his hands or hold a spoon at the age of 2. With our help, the mother withstood the pressure from the whole family, and the baby finally carefully touched the spoon with his hand on the 13th day, and on the 25th day, he grabbed a mouthful of food with his hand for the first time and put it in his mouth.
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Parents may think that the examples I give are not comparable, but I provide these are all small babies, and their own children are almost six years old, and their intelligence, comprehension, fine hand movements, etc. are far better than these little babies. In fact, there is no difference between using a spoon to eat and riding a bicycle, both are the process of humans learning to use tools. Even if a person starts to learn to ride a bicycle at the age of 30, he must learn from scratch, and it is impossible to say that he did not learn to ride a bicycle at the age of six, and he will not need to learn it when he is 30 years old.
I say all this in the hope that parents will understand that children need to keep trying to learn to eat, and it may take a long time. What parents can do is to provide meals that are suitable for their children, to set up an environment suitable for their children's meals, and to provide the right guidance and patient companionship.
So why does the child grasp the spoon like this and can't change it after repeated corrections?
The core reason is that the child's finger strength is not enough, the hand exercise is too little, and the five finger differentiation is not well transitioned. So the child is now used to using the palm of his hand instead of his fingers. Therefore, when she scoops food with a spoon, she must hold the spoon with her hands, not with her fingers.
In addition, if the spoon is too big and heavy, the baby's finger strength is not enough, and he can only use the palm of his hand to grasp the spoon to scoop up food.
Blind guess that the child has been fed since the addition of complementary food, and has never tried to eat with a spoon by himself, until he went to kindergarten, he slowly began to let the child eat with a spoon by himself. The results that children can have today are all exercised in the kindergarten environment. Children eat three meals a day in kindergarten, can eat with a spoon (the teacher will not care how the child holds the spoon), the time to eat at home is limited, and parents prefer to feed rather than let the child eat by himself, and there is no other way for the child to exercise hand strength, finger fine motor and finger strength when doing games and activities at home, so the progress is relatively slow.
It is recommended to replace the child with a smaller spoon, the length of which is based on the length of the child's palm, and the width should not exceed 2 cm. If you want your child to use chopsticks, change to ordinary children's chopsticks, and don't use training chopsticks. Children's training chopsticks are connected in this position of the fingers, and do not use the child's fingers apart.
You don't have to ask your child to use a spoon or chopsticks when eating. As long as children are provided with different foods, such as chopsticks for dishes, spoons will naturally be used when drinking porridge and soup. As long as the child uses a spoon or chopsticks, let the child decide how to use it.
After providing a lighter spoon, it is easier for children to use the spoon and they will naturally try to experience the feeling of scooping food from different angles and different pressures. The more you try, the more flexible your wrist and the stronger your fingers, your child will naturally find it easiest and easiest to scoop food with a spoon like the one below.
Usually eating will correct her, but she often forgets. At dinner, she held the spoon wrong, afraid that we would say her, she wanted to use training chopsticks, her husband severely stopped and forcibly demanded that she must use a spoon, I interrupted (I think my husband's roar is too loud and serious, okay, I can't watch my husband train children), I let her use training chopsticks to pick up vegetables, and use a spoon to drink porridge (I review, I shouldn't go against the tune when my husband educates, my husband never speaks when I train children, and will unite with me)
Let's talk about the use of spoons by parents.
When a person wishes to turn a certain behavior into a habit, knowledge, willingness, and skill are indispensable.
The child now knows why he uses a spoon and subjectively wants to use it, but all that is lacking is some skills on how to use it well. How does the trick come about? There are no shortcuts, only more practice. It is very important for parents to constantly correct their children's mistakes in the process of their children's practice. However, the premise of correction is that parents can accurately identify the causes that affect their children and take the right way to affect them.
Now it's that parents don't find the right reason, and they treat their children simply and rudely.
The father did not find out why the child did not want to use the spoon and intervened directly
The husband harshly stopped and forced her to use a spoon
Mom analyzes the mistake but finds out the wrong reason, which is consistent with the father in disguise and directly intervenes in the results
I asked her to use training chopsticks to pick up vegetables and spoon to drink porridge
In fact, even if the mother does not say it, the child will not use chopsticks to drink soup (because chopsticks cannot hold liquid). So it seems that Mom made suggestions for improvement, but in fact, it is the same as Dad - son, you have to use the right way to hold the spoon. Note that the mother's request is not that the child only needs to use a spoon when drinking porridge, as she said, but "to drink porridge with a spoon in the correct way according to the parents' instructions".
It's like telling a child "you get on a bike and ride 100 meters". In fact, the child can just sit on the bicycle without falling, and it is not to the extent of riding. Parents did not point out that the child is not in good balance now, nor did they find that the child is not strong enough to pedal, but just blindly emphasized that "you ride forward, ride forward, just ride 100 meters, it's very simple." Why don't you move? ”
2. Children will not spit out seeds when they eat watermelon
Eating watermelon without spitting out seeds is the same problem as using a spoon on it. Parents ignore the process and just want their own expected results.
When I was a child, I would pick seeds for her before eating melons, which may have formed in her cognition that she had to pick seeds before eating melons. I told her that she could just vomit and that there was no need to pick it, but she wouldn't, and with the watermelon juice running everywhere, I had to clean up the floor, the table, the laundry, and the slimy baby (the main reason), so I gave up on letting her spit the seeds. It's a matter of picking the seeds for a minute, but it takes a lot of a minute to clean them up, and I'd rather pick the seeds.
The mother hopes that the child will not only spit out the seeds when eating watermelon, but also eat it cleanly. However, children master a skill from the process of not knowing, from the unfamiliar to the proficient. How can you get clean results without messy practice?
So after trying to let the child eat the watermelon by himself and the parents had to clean it up, the mother gave up the matter of letting the child practice spitting watermelon seeds.
3. The child eats too slowly
Children eat slowly, even while watching cartoons, swallowing more and chewing less, which is a very common phenomenon in children who have been fed for a long time.
Because it is necessary to attract or divert the child's attention when it comes to feeding, otherwise the child will try to grab the spoon, the plate or the food himself, and interfere with the parent's feeding. A common method used by parents is to give their children toys, listen to stories, empty dishes (instead of toys), storybooks, and watch cartoons.
The child's attention is not on eating, it is much more convenient for parents to feed, and the child eats quickly, well and cleanly. The key is that the child does not know how much to be hungry when feeding, and the parent feeds and eats as much as he wants. The child is having fun and the parents are satisfied.
In order to feed the food more smoothly and cleanly, the food your child eats must be easy to form lumps, have soup, and are soft and easy to swallow. No parents use chopsticks to feed their children celery, right? Leeks will not be fed one by one, because the fiber is coarse, and the child has to chew hard for half a day before swallowing. There are dozens of celery sticks in one meal, and parents don't have the patience to feed them little by little.
Children eat risotto, rice with soup or fried rice, wontons, dumplings, noodles, porridge and other watery foods for a long time. Originally, it was necessary to chew repeatedly to stimulate saliva secretion, and the teeth chewed and ground large pieces of food into fine particles, which mixed with saliva to become an easy-to-swallow food lump. Now the food provided by the parents replaces the mechanical digestion in the mouth, and the child can swallow it directly. When parents think that their children are too old to eat risotto and fried rice, and can eat the same meals as adults, they find that children are either picky eaters or can swallow a mouthful of food in their mouths for a long time.
Eating slowly is inevitable.
Watching cartoons while eating is even more about how long the cartoons are and how long the child can eat.
The cause of the child's eating problem has been found, how to solve it?
In fact, the conflict between the husband and wife is not because of the difference of opinion on the issue of children's eating, so the conflict arises.
It's because the couple originally had conflicts, and now it's just in the form of children's eating problems.
Let's take a simple example, such as a child eating watermelon
This time the child who ate the watermelon let the seeds pick again, the husband stopped and strongly asked her to spit out the seeds herself, the child bit it after eating the watermelon seeds, spit it out, and spit out the watermelon juice, I can't bear to take the child's watermelon and pick the seeds directly (or review, should not interfere when the husband teaches the child to spit out the seeds)
Normally, what is the purpose of a child's watermelon? Isn't it right for your child to finish eating the watermelon, replenish his water, and enjoy the deliciousness of the watermelon?
But the focus of parents is - should children spit seeds when they eat watermelon? How do you spit out watermelon seeds?
So do parents want their children to eat the watermelon and enjoy the deliciousness, or do they just want their children to solve the watermelon seeds in the way they expect?
We think it's the latter. By controlling the child and forcing the child to spit out the seeds in his own way, he proves to the other person that he is right and that the other person is wrong.
Whether a child eats with chopsticks or with a spoon, how to use a spoon is also the same purpose, including the later mention that the child eats slowly.
The child is just a tool for the couple to compete for the right voice and try to prove that they are the right ones......
The relationship between husband and wife affects the growth of children, and I feel that parents actually understand this very well in their hearts
I want the child to be a lively, generous and confident child, very failed, the child is timid and not very gregarious, speaks illogically, incoherently and unclearly, is bullied and cannot correctly describe what happened, she always asks her questions and she is always in a hurry.
I won't talk so much about the big truth, all in all, it is a commonplace problem that we often encounter in our work, the families of "rice tyrants" are similar, and the families of "rice dregs" have their own contradictions.
As for how to improve the child, if the problem between the couple is not solved, and the child is not well if he does not realize that the child is an independent person and needs to be respected.