Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
The ambiguous phase is regarded as the most fascinating stage of the relationship, breaking the strangeness of first sight without touching the harshness of the reality of intimacy, and many people linger at this stage.
However, in order to enter into a formal relationship, it is necessary to end the ambiguous period. Today, let's explore how long the ambiguity lasts before a man and a woman establish an intimate relationship is considered normal.
Studies have shown that the ambiguous period in adults usually does not exceed four months. If the ambiguity exceeds this time limit, it usually means that at least one of the parties finds it inappropriate.
As Marx put it:
"If a person is ambiguous about you, it may be because he loves you. But if he just continues to be ambiguous and doesn't take any further action, then he probably doesn't love you. ”
In modern parlance, this behavior usually means that the other person is taking advantage of your feelings and giving you hope without intending to develop further.
The shortest duration of the ambiguous period
Robert Sternberg, a psychologist at Yale University, once proposed the "love triad", which he believed was made up of three basic elements:
激情（passion）、亲密（close）和承诺（promise）。
The ideal love will have all three of these elements, but in most cases, people's relationships may contain only one or two of them.
Adulthood is sometimes only a few days. Many older single men and women can't wait to establish a relationship once they find that they are compatible with each other, and even develop into flash marriages.
This kind of relationship, which we call "romantic love", is often full of passion and intimacy, but lacks long-term commitment.
In this relationship, the partner places more emphasis on the emotional experience of the moment.
Normally, if two people are attracted to each other, a few days together is enough to feel a deep connection, and the ambiguous period in this case usually does not exceed one to two months.
The maximum duration of the ambiguous period
Sometimes, some relationships between men and women are nominally friends, but the ambiguity can last for years. In such cases, it is often the case that at least one of the parties is deeply involved in a sincere emotion, but is never able to express it clearly.
According to psychology, it is difficult to maintain a pure friendship between a man and a woman after adolescence.
Such a long and ambiguous relationship, which brings both happiness and pain to the parties concerned, may choose to accompany them as friends because they know that they can't become lovers.
It is not advisable to use time and companionship as a bet to win someone's heart. Such a long period of unestablished relationship usually indicates that at least one partner is unwilling to develop further, or that there are other factors that prevent the two from developing properly.
The influence of character
Whether the ambiguous period can end smoothly is also affected by the personalities of both parties. Usually, if both parties have a crush on each other, the girl will signal during the relationship to expect further interaction such as physical contact from the boy.
If there is no change in the relationship when it should be escalating and the guy does not take action, the girl may interpret it as the boy is not interested in her, or is not confident in herself, and feels that she is not attracted to the other person.
Some men, due to their introverted personality, often mislead others into believing that they are not proactive enough, which can lead to an indefinite prolongation or even an end to the ambiguous phase of the relationship.
Often, in these cases, the man does not take the initiative to take the first step in the relationship (although there are also cases where the woman takes the initiative).
This kind of man is either a natural introvert or a master of love.
I received a private message from a girl named Xiao Xu.
Xiao Xu shared one of her stories in this message.
At the beginning of this year, Xiao Xu met a very good senior in a club activity at the school, who was not only handsome in appearance, but also had excellent academic performance.
In comparison, Xiao Xu felt mediocre. To Xiao Xu's surprise, the senior seemed to show her some kind of affection. In various activities of the club, the seniors will often give her a friendly smile.
On weekdays, Xiao Xu will also receive text messages from her seniors, asking if she has eaten breakfast, and sometimes she will say something vague and ambiguous.
In Xiao Xu's opinion, these are all signs of love.
Therefore, when the senior offered to further develop their relationship, Xiao Xu did not refuse, because she found that she was also in love with him.
But what makes Xiao Xu feel painful is that although she has already expressed her intentions, the senior has never clarified their relationship and still remains unclear.
Finally one day, Xiao Xu mustered up the courage to express his feelings to his seniors. However, the senior's answer was that he wasn't ready to enter into a formal relationship.
Hearing this, Xiao Xu was stunned on the spot. She wanted to be angry, but suddenly realized that she didn't have a position to do so.
In fact, the senior never promised to establish a relationship with her, and they were only in a vague state of ambiguity.
And one of the characteristics of ambiguous relationships is that they neither take the initiative nor refuse, nor do they admit it clearly.
Often, if the relationship lasts too long, it will be difficult for the relationship to develop normally, and not only will it not enhance the mutual affection, but it may cause suspicion on both sides. If one of the parties has been reluctant to clarify the relationship, then such a person is either a veteran of the love scene or an emotionally dull person.
If the other party always avoids positive statements, for example, this situation often indicates that the other party is a master of love.
Therefore, in the face of this situation, the most important thing we should do is to ask directly:
It is important to emphasize here that there is no need to worry about letting the other person go by doing so.
If both parties really care about each other, even if you refuse outright, the other party will try to salvage the relationship because they don't want to lose you, and resolve the misunderstanding through honest communication.
If the other person doesn't, then you may need to consider whether it's necessary to continue the relationship.
While the ambiguous period can be a gentle and beautiful one, it also provides opportunities for those with ulterior motives to harm us.
Therefore, there is no such thing as a "normal" ambiguous period.
As long as you are brave enough to face your true emotions, you can directly win sincere love.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: ambiguous period, psychology
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