Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
Unsatisfactory things are often eight or nine, and they can be the same as the language people. - Song Dynasty Fang Yue "Don't Son Talent Order"
In the journey of life, we will inevitably encounter setbacks. When your friend is in trouble, you may reach out in good faith.
However, this behavior is best avoided. Saying goes:
Often, when we help others, not only are we not grateful, but we may be blamed or blamed for small things. As you can see, it's not always wise to help an acquaintance in trouble, no matter how close your relationship is.
情绪传染（emotional contagion）
The concept of emotional contagion was first coined by William McDougall, emphasizing "the direct perception of emotions through basic resonant responses". Just as "those who are close to Zhu are red, and those who are close to ink are black", emotions and moods can also affect each other.
Hatfield's research on emotional contagion provides an in-depth understanding:
He believes that emotional contagion involves grasping and experiencing the emotions of others, including the perception, evaluation, behavioral tendencies and specific behaviors of others.
In real life, when we see a friend in distress, we tend to lend a helping hand out of human affection.
However, this assistance may not meet the full needs of the other party. In this case, you may feel embarrassed.
You will find that despite your help, not only is the other person not grateful, but they may be disappointed in you because you can't fully help them out of their situation.
When you are helping others, this can lead to them becoming more dependent and expectant of you. If you fail to continue to meet their expectations, they may perceive you as unreliable or even develop a strong sense of frustration.
Psychologists point out that people unconsciously imitate other people's expressions, voices, postures, and specific behaviors, and that this imitation does not require conscious involvement.
This is done by the control of our central nervous system. This mimicry mechanism also exacerbates emotional contagion, and people often influence the emotions of those around them through emotional imitation.
Therefore, when your friends around you are in trouble, they may confide in you from time to time.
In the long run, your own emotions will also be affected.
Therefore, you need to judge whether you are really capable of helping the other person based on your actual situation, and not just rely on impulse.
Hit self-esteem
Research on interpersonal relationships at home and abroad shows that
There is a stable positive correlation between interpersonal trust and self-esteem.
Self-esteem is an important factor in interpersonal trust.
Most people don't want others to see their distress when they encounter difficulties in life, despite the hardships in life.
They prefer to endure hardships alone and survive them on their own strength in order to preserve their dignity.
In such a situation, if you rush to help, not only will you not win favor, but you may also hurt the sensitive heart of the other person, making the other person feel embarrassed and their self-esteem damaged.
In the days to come, he may choose not to associate with you anymore.
Therefore, it is essential to understand whether the other person really needs your help before offering help.
If the other person does not clearly express his desire to help, you do not need to intervene rashly and disturb the rhythm of his life.
Some people attach great importance to the opinions of others and are very concerned about the impression they leave on others, that is, they value their "face" very much.
It's easy to get an inch
The other person may ask you for more because of a small favor, as the saying goes,
Helping others is a fine tradition that should be respected and inherited.
However, in real life, good deeds are often not necessarily rewarded, and it is not uncommon for others to build up enemies and even grievances.
Help is supposed to be voluntary, but helping for long periods of time can evolve into a responsibility and obligation, as if to pay off a debt.
The most prominent example is the "love steamed bun".
According to news reports, Ms. Li from a certain city saw that sanitation workers were struggling to clear the snow, so she decided to provide them with steamed buns for free, which lasted for more than 40 days. But when a sanitation worker refused to receive the steamed buns for some reason, he shouted at the shopkeeper.
This kind of good deed was not rewarded, and the shopkeeper was so chilled that he finally decided to remove the love sign and stop getting involved in such incidents.
There is also the famous singer and philanthropist Cong Fei, who single-handedly supported many students to complete their studies. Unfortunately, when he was hospitalized with cancer, he was reprimanded by the parents of the students he had sponsored:
Why haven't you transferred the money to us yet? It's already a day late! Even when they learned that Cong Fei was seriously ill and needed a lot of money for treatment, they still pursued after him: You promised to give the money! No matter what, as long as you are alive, you should pay!
In the end, Cong Fei died of hatred when his condition was irreparable.
Instances like this can happen in every corner of society.
Many of us may have already been in such a situation, or be in a similar situation, but to a different extent.
Initially, you may be out of kindness or compassion to help the person in trouble.
But the other party may become dependent and expect more help from you, or even an inch because of it.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: emotional contagion, psychology
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