In daily life, I don't know if you have ever had the experience that when facing close family members, partners or friends, you often can't help but get angry because of some trivial things. But you can be calm and patient when it comes to getting along with people you don't know very well. Why is that?
In fact, this is an interesting and common psychological phenomenon.
In psychology, this phenomenon can be understood as "arbitrary venting of emotions". When you're in an intimate relationship, each other will often tend to express their emotions unreservedly due to the high level of trust. This means that it is easier for you to reveal your true self in front of those close to you, including those who are not so rosy and even have some negative emotions.
Therefore, it is not surprising that you are more prone to tantrums when it comes to getting along with people close to you.
So, why do we choose to vent our emotions in front of people close to us? There is actually a psychological mechanism behind this - the "safety valve". In interpersonal communication, you will always encounter all kinds of stress and dissatisfaction, but these emotions cannot be vented casually, otherwise it will affect interpersonal relationships.
But in intimate relationships, you can easily find such a "safety valve" and release your emotions with confidence. This is because you know that the other person will not alienate you because of your bad mood, but will still care about you.
Of course, this kind of venting can generally get the understanding and comfort of the other party, thus helping you relieve the pressure in your heart, and it can also be said to be a beneficial cathartic effect.
However, the casual venting of such emotions can also bring some problems. One is to lose your temper frequently with someone close to you, which may hurt the feelings of the other person and lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Second, this kind of behavior is also not conducive to the mental health of individuals, and may cause psychological problems such as anxiety and depression.
Therefore, you still need to learn to control your emotions, especially when it comes to people close to you. So how do you control your emotions?
I remember Wang Yangming said: "The void spirit is not ambiguous, and everything comes out of all reason." This means that when the mind reaches the state of "pure heavenly truth," the truth of all things will automatically appear.
It can be seen that the best way for you to better solve your emotional problems is to start from the "heart".
I took a taxi to an event in the city one morning and got stuck in traffic. I told the driver that I was in a hurry and asked him to go another route. As a result, the new route is more congested than the original. At that time, I felt a little angry and anxious for a moment, and I immediately said to myself, "This is the best way to go."
Even if you choose the third road, it may be congested. Now this result looks terrible, but it may be shorter than other lines, and I can accept it, so I let go of my emotions. "When I see my emotions, I don't choose to complain, but accept it, deal with it, let it go so that I don't get swayed by the negativity. Doesn't the process seem simple?
If we can train our muscle memory according to this process at the moment when emotions appear, we can control emotions well. You can imagine that you are anxious and angry because of a traffic jam, complaining and saying, "It's annoying, I'm going to be late for work, I chose the third way when I knew it earlier, why everyone has to drive to work." ”
These negative emotions can affect you throughout the day. One of the main things that many people fail to do is that we are controlled by our desires, especially when several different emotions arise at the same time.
At this time, don't complain, accept your emotions, and learn to let go of them, reconcile with them, and you can slowly control your emotions. Even in the future, when interacting with people close to you, you will not lose your temper easily.
Napoleon said, "A man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who can take a city." ”
Seeing this, I believe you already know how to control your emotions.