I grew up in an ordinary rural family, and although my life was poor when I was a child, my parents' meticulous care and the sincere and enthusiastic help of the people in the village made my childhood full of happiness.
However, as I grew up and realized the hardships that my family had endured due to economic conditions, I also had a strong desire in my heart to change the fate of this family through my own efforts.
I remember that in the year when I was successfully admitted to university, my father worked hard to raise my tuition and living expenses, and I had to rely on the financial support of relatives and friends. I saw it in my eyes and kept it in my heart, and I secretly made up my mind that I must study hard and Xi and repay my parents for raising me in the future.
During my university years, I worked hard and finally passed the national teacher recruitment examination and was fortunate enough to become a teacher. Although my salary was only five or six hundred yuan a month when I first started working, I was still sincerely relieved and honored that I was finally able to support myself and help my family share some of the financial burdens.
But as time went by, seeing my father suffering from rheumatism and being bedridden, I realized that relying on the salary of a teacher alone could not improve my family's situation or give my parents a better life.
As this frustration deepened, I began to actively consider whether to quit my teaching position or go out and start my own business in order to get a big financial return at once.
My wife didn't approve of my resignation at first, but after being persuaded again and again, she chose to stand by me and support me in achieving my dream.
In 1996, I finally submitted my resignation. After coming to Zhejiang, the first problem my wife and I had to solve was whether to take our 5-year-old son with us or leave it to my parents for the time being.
Considering the uncertainty of starting a business and the huge pressure we are under, we decided to let our son live in our hometown for a few years and then take him to us when the business is on the right track.
My wife and I chose to leave our son to our parents for the time being, which was indeed out of practical consideration for the success of our business, but such a decision also invisibly buried the cause of our family tragedy.
Due to the busy business in a foreign country, I have limited time to visit my son in my hometown every year, and I am unable to guide him in a timely and effective manner, which is especially evident when he gradually develops a rebellious personality.
I also tried to talk to my son heart-to-heart when I came home, hoping to understand what he really thought, but it was difficult to open the knot in my son's heart. After a lot of times, my son gradually distanced himself from me, and he stopped telling me many things.
At that time, I was so focused on my entrepreneurial career that I had little time to take care of my family, let alone understand the real needs of my son's heart. I thought that as long as he was successful in his career and his economic conditions were good, he would be happy if he could be provided with the best material conditions.
But I was wrong – the emotional communication and spiritual identity between father and son are far more important than material things.
When I took my son to school, he developed a character that didn't fit in with us. It dawned on me that my choice had brought irreparable regrets to my son's growth, and I would regret this decision for the rest of my life.
When my son grew up, when my career reached its peak, the company's business expanded, and my assets exceeded 10 million, I thought that the economic conditions would make my family's life more satisfying, and my son would be more obedient to my suggestions and arrangements.
But I never imagined that the relationship between me and my son not only did not ease because of this, but on the contrary, there were irreconcilable contradictions.
After my son graduated from university, I offered to ask him to work in various departments of the company and take over the company's affairs in the future. But my son directly rejected my suggestion and chose to Xi at a friend's company.
I was very annoyed that my son had not followed his father's advice and was bent on indulging his own life. But my wife persuaded me to take no drastic measures and let my son go to work in a bar.
My son didn't listen to persuasion and chose his own path, which really made me angry. But at that time, I ignored the more fundamental problem - that is, there is a huge difference between my son and I in terms of life philosophy and value orientation, which is the root cause of our conflict.
For example, I want to achieve higher social status and wealth through my career, but my son may value a free and easy life. I want my son to take over the family business responsibly, but his expectations may be completely different.
Of course, these differences are not irreconcilable. As a father, I should have been more tolerant and trusting of my son's choices, bridging the gap between us through patient communication.
But I was too confined to my own successful mindset and didn't put myself in my son's shoes. This only made my son feel constrained, and our relationship was unsustainable.
Looking back now, I wish I had handled it more rationally and carefully. When I learned that my son had been arrested after killing his girlfriend, my mind went blank and I couldn't believe it was my son. Shocked and incredulous, I desperately wanted to get in touch with my son directly, to know what was going on.
But none of my phone calls got through, and my wife only gave me some partial information. I learned from my wife that she was the first person my son called after the incident, and he strictly instructed me not to tell me the news. I couldn't help but redden, knowing that my son still didn't believe in me, and didn't believe in the help and support I could give him.
He would rather ask his wife for help than be honest with me. This estrangement is very painful for me.
I also regret that I didn't try to build an honest relationship with my son when I still had the chance. We're missing out on too many opportunities for direct communication. If my son had been willing to ask me for help instead of hiding the truth, maybe I would have been able to give him enough legal guidance and family support to save his precious life, which is what I care about most.
But it was too late. After my mother inadvertently leaked the incident, I rushed to the scene of the crime, but there was no turnaround. The son was charged with intentional homicide and had an abortion and was soon sentenced to death.
I looked desperately at my son's back as he was taken away, and my heart was like a knife. The moment my son was put to death by lethal injection, I collapsed and fell to my knees, tears clouding my vision. I can't believe that my eldest son, who I pulled with my own hands, ended up dying in such a tragic way.
I wept hysterically, filled with infinite remorse. I kept blaming myself that if I hadn't insisted on leaving my teaching position to start a business, and if I hadn't entrusted my son to his parents because of entrepreneurship, I would have missed the opportunity to accompany him to grow up...... Would my son's life have been completely different, and if I had realized in time that I had corrected his rebellious personality and cared more about what he really thought, would we have been able to avoid all the conflicts that followed? These "ifs" have become nightmares that I will never let go of.
But regret doesn't help after all. It was too late. My son ended his short life, and my wife and I lived our days in grief and self-blame.
No matter how successful my career is, it can't make up for my most essential obligation as a father - to protect my children's safe growth. And my failure to do my best in this regard is the greatest dereliction of duty.
Through this tragedy, I learned the most precious truth of life through blood and tears. As parents, we need to be cautious and thoughtful about the impact it has on our children's development when making any choice.
Don't be like me, short-sighted, and end up paying an unbearable price. I sincerely hope that you will take this as a warning and not repeat my mistakes and regret them for the rest of your life.