Postpartum depression, how scary is it?
Yesterday, postpartum depression was once again pushed into the hot search.
Source: Observer.com
The mother of the second child, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are conflicted, and they find themselves... Every word seems to poke into the heart of the postpartum mother.
Fortunately, this mom found a way to self-regulate, but not everyone was so lucky.
Postpartum depression is obviously so common, but why do tragedies keep happening?
Whether it is a first child or a second or third child, they not only have to face physical pain, but also mental pain.
"I don't have to wait for postpartum, I can be depressed before birth!"
Many mothers have left a message for KDA: they had mood swings before giving birth.
The arrival of the child brings the mother not joy, but more panic and helplessness.
Morning sickness when pregnant, can't sleep at night, and work pressure is still very high, but everyone around me will only say:
"You have to stay in a good mood, the baby knows everything... He will feel it! ”
If I give birth and my task is completed, won't I be able to directly "evaporate from the world"?
Know that staying up late and getting angry is not good for the baby... But I just can't control myself, what can I do?
For a moment I really wanted to knock the baby off, maybe it would be back to normal.
Someone may wonder, can you be depressed before childbirth? Yes, don't think the university is scary. In addition to abnormal mood and disordered sleep, prenatal depression is also likely to affect fetal development and premature birth.
Prenatal inattention will also aggravate postpartum depression!
"The child was not born to me, it was born to my husband!"
Come to the hospital to see me, either play with the mobile phone, or fall asleep, just like a "dead pig"!
When I was hungry at night, I asked him to help me get something to eat, and the person directly threw a cookie for me, turned my head and went back to sleep...
Image source: Scientific Family Parenting Original
When I was discharged from the hospital and went home, I understood what it means to "torture" ≈ taking a child!
The child tossed and turned all night without sleeping, and I also opened my eyes until dawn. One day I suddenly started screaming and kicking the crib, and my whole body couldn't help but tremble with my hands.
It's scary, it's the first time in my life that I feel like I'm acting out of control!
The husband directly rushed over and took the child away first: "You will freak out the treasure like this!" "Come and comfort me again.
This sentence broke me again, it turned out that he cared more about children.
A simple sentence from my husband can make my mother sad for a long time.
This is not the first time this has happened.
I don't understand, why is it not as good as life before children, and I became a "time bomb" with children?
As she spoke, she showed me the circle of friends she had posted, and one of them was only visible to herself:
After listening to her talk, although the University of Science and Technology could not empathize, it also understood how difficult it was for mothers.
Childbirth itself is already difficult, "motherhood is just" may exist, but it must not be what you need to do when you first become a mother!
Changes in hormone levels after childbirth can make mothers become extremely sensitive, irritable, and drowsy...
In most cases, these symptoms will return on their own within 3 to 6 months. But if it is not taken seriously or even misunderstood, it is likely to worsen and the situation will become even more serious.
"I couldn't feed the child myself, and I blamed myself for depression."
This is a message that HKUST found in the background:
Some mothers have difficulty breastfeeding because they don't have enough milk. So the "milk war" began:
The family used all kinds of soup and remedies, and what was even more infuriating was that those unfamiliar "relatives" also came to make fun! Chasing the back of the butt all day long and asking if there is any milk.
Image source: Scientific Family Parenting Original
There are also some mothers who are really not suitable for breastfeeding, such as weak physique, infectious diseases, chapped nipples or mastitis, etc., is this all their fault?
The phrase "don't want to breastfeed" is something that many mothers can't open their mouths.
Because they will find this an extreme problem, even a little difficult to talk about. As a mother, how can you sacrifice your children for your own comfort?
Therefore, when the child pumps, he can only silently bear the pain and physiological discomfort caused by breastfeeding alone. The meaning of their lives seems to be only to constantly urge milk, produce milk, and feed...
You think breastfeeding is a beautiful scene, but it looks like purgatory to them.
"I used to take children, how can you be so pretentious?!"
The child was just 4 months old, I went to work during the day and watched the baby at night, not only insomnia, gluttony, irritability, but also had to deal with the family...
For children: less than half a year old to add complementary food, the beautiful name: nutrition, in order to grow well!
To me: No matter what, it is my fault, even if my husband is really wrong, in her opinion, it is also the daughter-in-law's fault!
There are also many friends who persuade me: the old man with a baby, turn a blind eye, let people who have lived most of their lives to change, it is more difficult than ascending to the sky!
I don't expect them to change it, I just want to understand a little more.
I mentioned to my mother-in-law before that I might be a little depressed after giving birth, but she immediately said reasonably: "Why didn't we have depression at that time?" Work straight after giving birth! ”
One more word, there are ten words waiting for you!
During that time, the family never spoke more than two sentences a day→ one to scare people, one to get angry, and then to send a roll of the eyes.
I used to be a competent and rational white-collar worker in the workplace, why did I become useless in their eyes after becoming a mother?
Even more infuriating is my indisputable husband, in the middle and thin mud:
My mom didn't mean that!
My mom has a knife-mouthed tofu heart!
It's not easy for my mother to be so old, and it used to be like this, don't worry about her!
......
Sometimes even my own mother thinks I'm "doing".
Image source: Scientific Family Parenting Original
Recently, I was urged to have a second child, and I decisively refused!
It's not because I don't love children, it's because I realized: don't tell me that children are more happy, happiness is also the happiness of your family, and only I suffer!
Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow, whom Koda admires, once described her true feelings of postpartum depression after giving birth to her second child:
"I'm like a zombie, I can't make an emotional connection with my kids, I think it means I'm a bad mother and a bad person... I was a failure. ”
Celebrities are no different from us, what if we have good economic conditions? Most mothers fall into a cycle of self-healing, collapse, and self-healing.
Seeing this, you can ask yourself: After getting married and having children, when did you live for yourself once?
Mom is not superhuman, she also needs the love and care of her family and friends, and she also needs to help share the hardships and worries of life.
These are just 4 stories shared by the University of Science and Technology, and there must be many more mothers who are suffering from postpartum (pre)depression.
In addition to news reports, I found that some TV series have gradually paid attention to this matter. Unexpectedly, postpartum depression would also be mentioned in ancient puppet dramas, which also caused heated discussions among many netizens.
Koda is very pleased that more and more eyes are on mothers.
So, when you find that your mood is abnormal, the first thing we have to do is seek the help of a professional doctor!
The company of friends around you is important, but this negative emotion can easily be contagious.
Because whether it is postpartum depression or depression is like a swamp, friends do their best to "save you", pull you up, you are likely to fall into it.
Image source: Scientific Family Parenting Original
Remember that you're never an island, there's no shame in seeing a psychologist, and don't feel like you're wasting your time and money!
In addition to professional doctors, the understanding and care of family and friends is also crucial!
There are not so many perfect marriages, more you give me a trace of tolerance, I give you a step back, mutual trust can support the small family.
As the Japanese drama "Obstetrician Hongbird" said: "People often focus on children, but no one praises mothers for how hard they work with their children." ”
If you can't get into her heart, you can't feel the darkness in her heart.
Behind those hypocrisy, perhaps the call for help of life, don't think it's a trivial matter and ignore it, and don't let the call for help become a regret because of ignorance.
In addition to these, what is more important is how can we save ourselves?
KU wants you to learn to be a "selfish" person.
Don't focus your life on your children, find your own interests, and distract yourself.
Image source: Scientific Family Parenting Original
Sports, painting, reading, chasing dramas, complaining and gossip with good friends, even if you go shopping and buy (if the economy allows), as long as you like!
The point is that you did it or not? Or just think about it and give up?
A mother near HKUST who found that shopping spree could ease her mood when she experienced postpartum depression, so she received nearly 20 deliveries in one day.
Of course, there will be times of regret, but people have returned some of the impulse consumption things with 7 days of no reason to return.
Not to support everyone to do this (I may be scolded to death by the courier brother), this example is to tell everyone:
Everyone who is troubled by depression is like a fleeting shooting star, although only endless darkness is left, but as long as you are willing to continue to move forward with your little sun, then you will find that it is not difficult to smile!
I like a sentence from the variety show "Star Detective":
"Everyone has times when they are overwhelmed by life's misfortunes, everyone has times when they choke on lonely nights, but fortunately, each of us has the ability to heal ourselves. The one who has the power to dispel the darkness for us and redeem us from the mud is ourselves. ”
Don't forget that when we were once abandoned by the world, we saved ourselves!