He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Have you ever heard of "Pavlov's classical theory of conditioning"?
There is an interesting experiment behind this theory.
Pavlov conducted a study of dogs and found that every time the dog eats, it secretes saliva in its mouth.
And this conditioned reflex, that is, the physiological phenomenon of dogs, does not need to be learned, is spontaneous.
However, if every time the dog eats, the owner rings the bell, the number of times, the dog will develop conditioned reflexes.
"Ringing the bell means feeding."
In feelings, Pavlov's theory of conditioned reflexes also applies.
The basic law consists of two points:
Gain and fade.
Stimulate differentiation and generalization.
It can be understood as:
When you give each other a certain frequency of stimulation and rewards, it is often possible to maximize the stimulation of feelings between you.
So, in the interaction between men and women, how to make the other party love you more and more inseparable from you?
-01
Intermittent reinforcement: increased subconscious stimulation
What is intermittent reinforcement?
The focus is on "intermittentness," an accidental, not always-on approach to reinforcing what happens.
Psychologist Skinner did an experiment.
3 different cats are kept in 3 cages, and then the touching devices are placed in each cage.
First cage:
When the cat touches the device, there will be a steady stream of cat food; every time it touches, there will be cat food.
Second cage:
Cat food comes randomly, and cat food doesn't come out every time you touch it.
Third cage:
Every time the cat touches the device, no cat food will appear.
It turned out that the cat with the most presses was the cat in the second cage.
This is "intermittent reinforcement" training.
It's like when we're "opening a blind box" and not being able to pull out something every time, and because of that, it gives us excitement and imagination.
Therefore, it is easy for people to immerse themselves in this "intermittent" stimulation.
So, in a relationship, how to use "intermittent reinforcement" against your partner?
For example:
You talk to each other every day, unconditionally for his good, this time may not make him like.
If you talk to him periodically and intermittently treat him well, then it is easier for him to remember your every affection.
There is a saying called "Dou MiEn, Sheng Mi Qiu", which means that people always do not cherish things that are too easy to get.
You want him to understand:
"I can be nice to you because I have feelings for you; but that doesn't mean I'll be nice to you every time."
"If you don't value my kindness to you, I'll leave you at any time."
Why is it that the easier it is to get, the more people do not know how to cherish?
Because things that are too easy to get will gradually reduce the excitement and freshness in your heart; over time, your mentality towards the other party will become indifferent.
-02
All good is not unprovoked
When you get along with each other, you need to let the other person understand a truth:
In this world, there is never unprovoked love, and there is no unprovoked hatred.
Someone is nice to you because you are lovely, you deserve to be loved; you are tied up in affection, love, friendship.
Is it also understood to mean:
Just because your value is high enough and you have enough help for him, he is willing to be good to you?
Isn't that the case with lovers?
Two people initially develop feelings because the other person's attraction is high enough; and the attraction is high, which makes you curious about him, and little by little, you fall in love.
As the two of you spend more time together, the feelings and tacit understanding you cultivate are the basis for maintaining your feelings.
However, when you always keep being good to him, the degree of concern he has in his heart for you will be reduced.
One day, your kindness to him will change a little, and he will forget your past love for him.
Therefore, the most fundamental requirement of love is: pay each other together.
What is joint giving?
While you are good to him, he can also give you some feedback in time.
One person cannot support this feeling, and only two people can work together to make love develop in a good direction.
You provide him with material satisfaction, emotional satisfaction; he can also provide you with emotional value, be nice to you, and give you enough praise and recognition.
Mutual love is enviable.
And "intermittent reinforcement" is to make the other party understand a truth:
"My kindness to you is not for no reason; I am good to you, and I hope you can give me some feedback."
Love that can't see the future, love that can't see results, no one will stick with it all the time.
Similarly, no one wants to be a "licking dog" in a relationship all the time.
Today's Topic:
You are good to him, but you don't get back, will you be disappointed?
(Article with picture source network)