Zeng Guofan once said:
"Choosing a friend is the first meaning of life, and the success or failure of a lifetime is related to the merits of friends, and you must not be careless."
The important truth of life is that when making friends, it is necessary to see whether the other party is a virtuous talent.
If you make some so-called friends casually, you don't do enough care and care.
Then, once hurt by the fox friends, it is too late to cry.
Therefore, if you want to make friends, you have to make friends with people who are of good character and good quality.
1: Why make friends with gentlemen?
As a person, why should you choose to make friends with gentlemen?
We can make a reverse judgment, when a person makes so-called loss friends, what kind of situation will suffer in his life?
The neighbor has an older son, before going to college, his performance at school, and his performance at home, all of which are the image of a well-behaved boy, with a gentle personality and a very polite personality.
But after going to college, the whole person changed, did not return home at night, and liked to skip class, most of the time was either playing games or gambling.
In the past, he liked to play football, and every three or five times he would take the initiative to go to the court to exercise and improve his skills, but after college, he not only quit this hobby, but liked to gamble.
So, when he asked the family for pocket money again and again, his parents sensed his careful thinking, and then stripped away the cocoon and found that he owed a lot of money in the matter of gambling.
After repeated interrogation by his parents, it turned out that he was just playing games and watching movies in the dormitory, and there was usually no other entertainment.
But there was a roommate in the dormitory who had been gambling all along, and after his repeated prompts and guidance, he slowly fell into such a dilemma.
Therefore, we must understand why choosing friends is a very important thing in life, because if you make a bad friend, it is very likely to bury you in a good life.
Everyone has more or less friends, and some people, although they have few friends, are all gentlemen of high quality.
And some people seem to go out every day to do activities are full of friends, the scenery is unlimited, but most of them are lost friends, with colored glasses to see each other's relationship.
The success or failure of a person's life is closely related to whether the friends he has made are virtuous, virtuous, and righteous.
Therefore, to make friends, the character of the other party is the most important.
Friends with gentlemanly qualities will always feel at ease and comfortable when they get along with each other, and there is no calculation of interests.
Therefore, in this atmosphere of getting along without any intentions and calculations, the whole process of getting along seems natural, comfortable and pleasant.
As Cicero put it:
"People who reduce friendship to profit, I think, are writing off the most precious things in friendship."
The characteristic of losing friends is that everything likes to consider each other's relationship from the level of interests, and when they encounter problems, they first think of themselves, not the friendship between each other.
And once things are serious and they encounter obstacles, their intention is not to actively solve problems and resolve contradictions and challenges between each other in a timely manner, but to blindly blame each other for the reason, and then the cat cries and pretends to be sad.
In fact, they are just looking for a way out for themselves, finding a reason for themselves to ignore it, not to mention that they will be willing to carry the pot for you.
Particularly fond of what Gibran said:
"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity."
Gentlemen have always regarded friendship as a responsibility, and this responsibility they are willing to bear, to maintain, and will feel sweet in their hearts.
On the contrary, those who like to think of friendship as a kind of rocker, as some opportunity, are enough to show his ulterior motives.
2: How to make friends with gentlemen?
So, the friend of a gentleman is so important, so how to distinguish, or how to identify a friend with the quality of a gentleman?
Similarly, we can also use Zeng Guofan's life experience and dating experience to discuss.
He said:
"Only the sincerity of the world can overcome the hypocrisy of the world; only the clumsiness of the world can overcome the ingenuity of the world."
The quality of sincerity can reveal the essence of hypocrisy, while the seemingly clumsy temperament can overcome the flattering personality.
This tells us a truth, make friends, do not care too much about the surface of the other party, the so-called people can not be disguised, deceive us far more than others, but also may be their own eyes.
Therefore, we must understand that whether we make friends or become a gentleman ourselves, we need to be sincere and true enough.
Many people, they are not good at words on the surface, honest and honest, but they are frank in heart, upright in temperament, and can be called gentlemen.
On the other hand, some people can speak the truth on the surface, can speak eloquently, are clever and clever, but in essence they are hypocritical, even mercenary and ill-intentioned.
However, there are too many such people in real life, who obviously do not have the ability to discern people's hearts, but often like to see these people who are ambitious and have bad intentions as their confidants, as people with great talents, and then they have become inflammatory people.
It's pathetic.
Ji Xiaolan, a scholar of the Qing Dynasty University, wrote such a story in the "Notes on Reading Wei Caotang":
After the death of one person, he went to the Hell King Yama and cried that the friends he had treated sincerely in the past were all ungrateful.
Before and after, he talked about a dozen such fox friends, saying that when he had some power, each one of them was inseparable from himself, and only obeyed his orders, but after he fell, he fell down and scattered, and everyone avoided it.
Yan Wangye listened carefully, but did not approve of what the other party said, and when he finished speaking, he said something like this:
Those people in the highlights of your life, calculating all the tricks for you, even flattering you, and when you fall into a trough, they immediately choose to exclude you, such people will eventually get their fate, and when they come to hell, they will still be punished by the yinji.
But you complain and insult like this, but there is a very inappropriate suspicion, just as the so-called "peach and plum planters get the truth, planters of tribulus terrestris get its thorns", what cause you plant, you will reap what fruit.
You like to make friends with people who like to be inflammatory, flattering, naturally when you are no longer beautiful, they will leave with a fierce heart, and after you repent of the beginning, you are generous to righteousness, and take out the so-called morality to accuse them.
Wouldn't such a move be like chiseling ice for fire? If you are clearly at fault, how can you blindly blame others?
Byron said:
"Inflamed villains, don't suffer together!"
When we choose to make some friends, we should first observe each other's personality and habits, and if we know that the other party has an inflammatory posture, we must be estranged in time.
Because the process of life is always up and down, you can't predict whether a person who likes to be inflamed will add a kick to you when you fall to the bottom.
If you want to avoid getting into trouble in making friends, you need to be prepared in advance, and only people with gentlemanly qualities can enter their own world.
Zeng Guofan said:
"It is also a great benefit to ask friends to be caught by oneself."
If you want to make friends with gentlemen, you must see that the other party can do what you can't do, and this ability can be reflected in professional ability, but also in ideological character, wisdom and realm.
If a person has made friends with the so-called gentleman, then even if there is no contact several times a year, there is no party in ordinary times, and when it comes to the New Year's Festival, everyone gets together, it is still the same familiar, happy and comfortable.
No one will please anyone, nor will they deliberately pretend to be polite.
3: Make good friends
Krylov said:
"Words of benevolence, words of benevolence, are easy to say with the mouth, and only in times of tribulation can we see the true heart of a friend."
One of the good things in life is making the right friends.
Even if there is suffering, they can face it together, even if one side is high, there will be no jealousy.
Between each other, the friendship of gentlemen is as light as water, and there is neither the calculation of intersecting interests, nor the heart machine to step on the low and climb high.
Some are just a glass of wine when we get together, you and I are frank, laughing and laughing, and don't look back.
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