This text number is 5177 and the estimated reading time is 15 minutes.
The book shared today is "Talking to Philosophers about Happiness."
Frederick Lenois, a philosopher and sociologist, is the author of books such as The Soul of the World, which has been translated into more than twenty languages.
Is there anything more desirable in the world than happiness? Everyone wants to be happy, but we don't know what happiness is. We mistake the vanity of extravagant consumption for pleasure, the pleasure of fragmentary entertainment for pleasure, and when they disappear, we fall into infinite emptiness. Because true happiness is not given from the outside, but from within.
This book, through the mouths of three philosophers, will tell the mystery of attaining happiness and teach you how to fill your life with more lasting and profound happiness.
01, what is happiness
In the book, the author mentions 4 different concepts, namely, pleasure, happiness, wisdom, and happiness. Let's explain each one.
1. Different concepts
First of all, what is pleasure? That is to say, when our needs and desires are met, then the feeling at this time is pleasure. There are two problems with pleasure: it cannot last and it is harmful in the long term.
For example, I like to read books, I have books to read; I want to buy clothes, I buy them, and when these needs are met, they will produce pleasure. But the pleasure cannot last. What do you mean? That is to say, this pleasure is short-lived, you like this dress now, you are very happy after buying it, but when you buy it back, the feeling of being happy will soon disappear and you will not be able to be happy for a lifetime.
It's also important to say that if you overconsolve your pleasure, it will be harmful in the long run.
For example, addicted to video games. If you just play for a while, that's okay, but if you play for a long time, then it's addictive. Slowly it will bring harm and affect your normal life.
Second, happiness. So how can we get pleasure in moderation? Epicurus's study of happiness found. Happiness is moderation. You can play the game, but you can't play it uncontrolled. You don't need to live a life of extreme luxury, one of your most important abilities is to find that feeling of happiness from simple eating, socializing, living conditions, and that's happiness. It is that when you can get pleasure in moderation, you will reap happiness.
Then, wisdom. What is wisdom? If all the elements of our happiness are taken from the outside, for example, you don't have a lover, you can't get happiness; you don't feel happy if you lose friends, and so on.
But can you control the unhappiness caused by the outside? No, because there are so many things in this world that we can't control. Therefore, we need to get rid of our dependence on the external environment and find happiness in ourselves. This ability is called wisdom.
St. Augustine said, "Happiness is about continuing to pursue what you already have." "Don't ask for it, don't need to pursue it outwardly, what you already have, if you can continue to pursue it, you will be happy." 」
So, philosophy is about how we can make this happiness permanent, this feeling of happiness permanent. "So happiness is an enhanced version of pleasure, a strong physical and mental feeling about something." But the difference between happiness and pleasure is that happiness is unfathomable and beyond common sense.
For example, pleasure is easy to find, you need to eat, you need to dress warmly, you need to be in love, and these needs will produce pleasure when these needs are met. But happiness is different. For example, even if you have love, you are still unhappy, but it will be more painful.
2. Three philosophers
The book introduces us to three philosophers who studied pleasure, namely Spinoza, Nietzsche, and Henry Bergson.
First, Spinoza was a Jew born in Amsterdam in 1632. In the 17th century, Amsterdam was the center of the world, belonging to the most economically developed region, and at that time it was very open, so Spinoza received a very good education from an early age. When he read the book and began to think independently, the first thing he did was to criticize his religion, Judaism. He was so critical that he was banished from Judaism and could not return to the Jewish community for the rest of his life.
This punishment was a great blow to the Jewish people, so he had to be single for a lifetime, mixing with Christians and polishing lenses every day. Spinoza never stopped writing. Because he was often attacked, he did not publish one of the most important works, Ethics, until his death. Ethics had a great influence on the author of this book.
The author recounts that when he was young, he studied philosophy, and at first he could not read "Ethics", but after reading it hard for a week, he finally read it, which made him feel that every sentence was refreshing.
Spinoza noticed that when people encounter difficulties, their ability to move is weakened, their growth is hindered, and they often fall into sadness. On the contrary, if people encounter some positive factors, they will accelerate their growth, become more capable, and naturally feel happy all the time. So Spinoza defines happiness as 'a process of perfection from small to large,' meaning that whenever we grow, progress, triumph, and make a breakthrough in our nature, we feel happy. ”
The highest level of happiness is called bliss. Bliss is characterized by freedom from emotions and transcendence. If you need to be able to attain happiness that is free from emotions and transcendent, you need to work on reason. If you lack reason, you will follow your desires.
"Happiness is the perfection and enhancement of survival ability." For example, Spinoza believes that although the grass lacks the ability to protect itself, it is trying to grow, it is trying to resist pests and diseases, and it is trying to resist the cold. Any living thing is trying to make its life last. Anything that allows us to perfect and enhance our abilities is true happiness.
Two hundred years later, in Prussia in 1844, Nietzsche was born. Nietzsche was a very famous philosopher who studied happiness, and he believed that the fundamental moral code of life was happiness. Nietzsche believed that if you are unhappy, you are immoral.
Nietzsche's similarity with Spinoza also lies in the fact that he believes that happiness is purely an inner feeling, neither from heaven nor hell, but is etched deep within us. Thus he came to the same conclusion as Spinoza: happiness is a life force that can be relied upon, while sadness is detrimental to life and is ominous. ”
By 1859, Bergson was born. Bergson believed that "happiness is the signal that nature gives us". When your goal is achieved, nature will send us a very obvious signal, and this signal is happiness. So, when we are in our daily life and we succeed in doing something, joy comes.
But then why does a new goal arise? Because this happiness is not enough, you need to draw up a new goal, and after trying to achieve it, it will naturally give you a new signal. The perfection of life brings happiness, and Bergson said that "true happiness radiates the light of glory." If this happiness can radiate the light of glory, so that you can feel joy and glory from the heart, this is the real happiness.
02, how to get simple happiness
So how do we get real happiness? The author introduces 10 methods, let's introduce 5 of them,
1. Focus
What is concentration? Concentration is the feeling of flow that you get by throwing yourself into something.
Mihaly Chiksen Mihalay said in "Flow": If you do something boring, it is not the problem of that thing at all, but that you are doing things in the wrong way. So, one of the first things we have to learn is to focus.
2. Participation
Get involved, get involved.
When the author was young, he volunteered at Mother Teresa's nursing home, and in Calcutta, where dying old people were everywhere, most of them miserable and lying there with their wounds. As a Frenchman, he didn't speak the language, he didn't understand what those people said, he wasn't a health worker, he didn't know how to bandage wounds, he didn't know what to do.
Later he found an old man lying there, dying, in great pain. He felt that he had nothing to do and did not know how to help these people, so he went over and took the old man's hand and stroked the old man's body. Because the dying man was very uncomfortable, he kept touching the old man like this, saying to him in French: "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter." ”
The old man spoke to him in Hindi, and he could not understand what the old man was saying, nor could the old man understand what he was saying, but the old man's two lines of hot tears flowed down his cheeks. There was a rush of heat in his heart, and he felt like he was involved here.
So then he talked to the people in the nursing home, and he said I was in charge of this, and I was responsible for accompanying the dying people, and then talking to them like this. The practical life of that holiday brought him a new life, which is the happiness brought about by participation.
3. Meditation
Meditation is all about "looking at it coldly, but not getting caught up in it." Sit there quietly, and then let the thoughts rise one by one, just stare at it, don't have to follow it, don't have to suppress it, this state is called "cold eyes, but not deep in it." Short meditations of only a few minutes, long ones of a few hours, can be.
When we are able to concentrate, we are in mindfulness. But if our minds are scattered, we do one thing and think of something else at the same time, and then we get restless, we will be out of state.
4. Gratitude
Why do people need to learn to be grateful? Gratitude makes you more able to experience the joy of reason. For example, the author was seriously ill at the time, and after recovering from the illness, he decided not to be angry with others again. Why? He felt that as long as he could walk, breathe, and talk well, he was better than anything else.
We think that good physical condition is the norm, but in fact this good physical condition is very scarce. You need to be happy that you don't have stomachaches, no toothaches, no fevers today, and that's gratitude.
5. Persistence
The author said that he once went to the United States to speak in English, and his English was very bad, so he felt very distressed, but he still decided to accept the challenge. He practiced hard until he was finally able to complete a philosophical lecture in English. When he walked down the streets of New York after his speech, his mood was extremely comfortable, and he felt that this was the benefit of persistence.
03, how to get long-term happiness
We know how to get simple pleasures, which are relatively short-lived pleasures because you have to work hard every time, you have to do something every time. So what if you want to be happy for a longer time?
1. Personalization
First, the joy of being yourself means that you are no longer dependent on external things, but are yourself. There are two paths to being happy with yourself: "The first path is to find strength from within yourself, called the happiness of release. The second path is to open up to others and make peace with the world. It's called the joy of integration. ”
The happiness of release is that I have nothing to do with the external world, and I can be very happy. I am one with all people, I love all of them, I connect all of myself with all of them, it is the joy of integration. These two kinds of happiness are more lasting.
It's a personalized process. The man who proposed the process of personalization was Carl Jung, one of the three greatest psychologists of the 20th century. One of the first things jung argues is to reflect on ourselves, "to discern through self-examination what does not belong to us, but is more or less imposed on us by the outside world through education and culture, including views and beliefs about society, religion, and ourselves." These stereotypes are likely to limit or even stifle the true 'self', leading us to be depressed and miserable.
Karl Jung believed that there are a large number of collective unconscious phenomena in our lives, and if you are not able to awaken, to go your own path, not to realize that I have my choices, that I have my life, then you will suffer. So, we need self-reflection and self-observation.
Spinoza believes that our happiness comes from searching for inner freedom, that is, finding freedom from within.
The author says: "When a person is bound, there must be a problem with the direction of desire. The reason why he feels sad, unhappy, and powerless is because he pins his desires on things that are worthless, which only deplete his energy and do not help his growth. In fact, only by gaining inner freedom can we transform sad and negative pleasures into positive pleasures, but this does not mean suppressing and eliminating desires, but it is necessary to distinguish what is good for us and what is harmful to us, and ultimately to lead desire in the right direction that can enhance our own abilities. ”
For example, I have to get a promotion and a raise, and only if I get a promotion and a raise, then I can be happy. If we think so, then it proves that we have chosen the wrong object. When you find a wrong direction, your desires will cause you great pain.
2. Open your heart to the outside world
The way to open your heart is to love, merge, and reunite (reunion is to connect again and again). The initial connection between a person is the connection of the umbilical cord, and the mother and baby have a link of the umbilical cord. When you are a toddler and see the expectant gaze of your parents, this constitutes the connection between you and your parents. It is a selfless love and friendship.
It is only when we become our true selves and help others to achieve their own achievements that we can attain happiness in this way. If this is not possible, then no matter what feelings become illusory or eclipsed. ”
For example, "When people fall in love, then, even if the relationship begins with passion and illusion, the only thing that can be retained in the end is true love." The author said: "Passionate love always implies the risk of disappointment. ”
What is Passionate Love? "The Transformation of Intimate Relationship" proposes that after human beings have a certain economic foundation, when we begin to yearn for spiritual life, there has always been an unstoppable love between the two sexes, called passionate love. "It's an urgent desire, strong enough to cause an individual to disregard normal obligations."
So why is passionate love risky? First of all, the presence of the other person always stimulates our inner happiness, and the most authentic side of him or her still brings us endless fun.
Second, we aspire to make the other person happy, to witness his or her growth and to achieve a better self. Love does not mean having, on the contrary, love is letting it breathe freely. Love does not mean exclusivity, let alone let others attach themselves to themselves, on the contrary, love is to expect the other party to be independent.
Whether it is jealousy, exclusivity, or the fear of losing each other, it is the culprit that interferes with or even destroys the relationship between husband and wife. True love is not to hold on, but to let go, it does not make people feel suffocated, but to help people learn to breathe better. He knows that lovers are not subordinate, but let each other feel real freedom. ”
The author makes a point that seems common to the French: "We'd better avoid relationships that are too intimate." Usually, two insecure adults will warm up through this relationship, and the most authentic state of love should be the union of two people who are independent and independent, not controlled by desire and commitment, and even lovers should leave enough space for each other. ”
Why does passionate love hide so much risk of disappointment? One of the core reasons is that there are too many fantasies and psychological projections in the process of passionate love.
For example, if you want to be loved, if at this time you meet a person who is chasing you, then you will have a psychological projection of that person. Because you long to be loved, your desire is projected onto this person, and when your hormone secretion decreases and you two live a small life of pots and pans, you suddenly find that he has changed because your previous projection is gone. So passionate love brings disappointment.
So if a guy who hasn't found himself says to you, "I really, really love you, you're the only one for me," you have to be careful when he says something like that. If his personality isn't perfect, he's not mature, he's probably just saying what he's expecting from the heart that he thinks he loves you so much. But when he feels disappointment from you, he will turn to hate you, and human nature is so strange and complicated.
Therefore, true love is the joy of finding devotion. What is the joy of giving? Even if you are happy, I will feel happy. So when we give happiness to others, the happiness of both of us is multiplied.