What will the boy do after the breakup? Today we introduce a psychological concept: the five stages of grief.
When people are hit by sudden misfortune, they will have sad emotions, but this emotion has an up and down process, and when many boys just break up, you can't see that he is sad, because sadness is strictly speaking, divided into five stages, and not every stage of performance is the same.
At this stage, the boy refuses to believe or refuse to acknowledge the fact that it has happened. Even if he mentioned the breakup himself, when others asked about it, he didn't want to say it, he didn't want to mention it.
In fact, this is very easy to understand, many of us after the breakup for a few days, will feel that the other party is making a child's temper, but also waiting for the other party's recovery.
Essentially, both people are not willing to accept the change of facts, but if the person who mentions the breakup is very rational and wants to share with you, then his negative period is past you before you, and he will quickly find a placebo for himself, such as "I am single now, free again", this is what many girls see, and the boy dumps you more happily, because he needs a period of time to escape from reality.
In the second stage, people's emotions tend to become sad and excited, and even feel angry with themselves.
On the one hand, the boy is very dissatisfied with the ex, and he feels that the ex hurt his feelings.
On the other hand, he will also feel angry with himself, sulk with himself, feel that he has done nothing good, and ruin his past feelings.
At this time, even if he is sad, he is also sad with anger, if you go to save at this stage, there is a high probability that he will be intimidated, because people are aggressive when they have emotions, and even if you please him, he will be rejected.
What is negotiation?
I'll give you an example, for example, when a patient's family is very sad, he will go to the temple to burn incense and pray, saying that I am willing to eat and pray to the Buddha, please bless my family with peace and security, he is negotiating with a bodhisattva, that is to say, he has found a glimmer of hope in despair and sadness, and he is willing to believe that there will be better results.
Therefore, this stage is the most suitable for redemption, generally between one month and two months of the breakup, the boy's attitude is loose, and he has entered the negotiation period.
When you contact him, you will not be rejected by him, you can even make an appointment, the conversation is calm, he actually has a feeling of regret, but as long as the core contradiction is not resolved, this boy cannot take a step forward.
He is silently observing the girls, giving the girls some waste tests to see if the girls care about him and have changed.
If both people have the willingness to compound, and the sincerity shown by the salvage party is sufficient, it is not difficult to compound at this stage, so many people are successfully compounded at this stage.
If there is no progress in the previous stage, and the two people go farther and farther, they know that there will basically be no good results, then many people will fall into the mood of collapse again at this time.
He feels that everything is hopeless, and the reason for his sadness is that he feels that he can't maintain a relationship, or that he can't meet the right person and self-denial.
The person's state is listless, crying with a sudden onset of powerlessness, drinking to dispel sorrow, decadent at work, feeling that life no longer has a purpose.
But all this, for the sake of face, the boy will not let you see, only he himself knows how sad he is.
After accepting the status quo, one will look forward. At this stage, it is often half a year or even more than a year of breakup, the other party has come out, no longer thinking about the past people, and may have a new partner. Then if you drag it out to the final stage and then compound it is more difficult.
Therefore, a small partner with a compound willingness, it is best to grasp the previous stages and solve the boy's emotional problems as soon as possible, as well as the core contradiction problems that he cares about most.
At different stages, according to the different characteristics of boys, different measures can be taken to achieve the best results. Because the needs of boys are changing, if you only use a routine from beginning to end, it is difficult to meet all the needs of the other party, so you must understand these stages, find the weaknesses of the other party at each stage, in order to better cut in, understand?
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C