01
Daniel Goleman, a doctor of psychology, once said, "People with high IQs may not succeed in their careers, but people with high emotional intelligence can certainly perform extraordinary." ”
Everyone wants to be outstanding, and they all want to be valued and promoted by others. Therefore, it is a compulsory course to find ways to improve your emotional intelligence, learn to speak well, strive to bring people closer to each other, and try to be harmonious.
If you look carefully, you will find that there are always some people who do not care about emotional intelligence, but habitually go straight, have something to say, say one thing or the other, offend others, and do not care.
In fact, the person who is not willing to please you is the one who really helps you, and the emotional intelligence is not high, but it is very reliable.
02
It is not flattering because of "respect for the rules".
In the last year of the Shang Dynasty, King Wu of Zhou attacked the King of Shang with his soldiers, and had already reached the outskirts of Yindu. At the critical time, King Zhou Wu's garter belt suddenly fell off, and his feet were very inconvenient to move, and he might be tripped.
At that time, there were five soldiers by his side, but no one helped tie the belt, but king Wu of Zhou put down his weapon and fastened the garter belt.
The generals said, "We are here to assist the king in his crusade against the King of Shang, not to help King Wu personally." ”
At any time, it is possible to distinguish between public and private, and this practice has been praised by Confucius: "The reason why these five people are the king of The King, is not the lord's place, Fu Anye." ”
There is a way, there are no rules, no squares.
Whether in the workplace or in social situations, there are corresponding rules, but many people do not even care about the rules in order to please someone.
For example, in order to please the boss, a subordinate disregards the "can not give gifts" rule of the unit, insists on giving gifts to the boss, and laughs and giggles and says "next time will not be". In fact, with the first exception, there will be a second and a third. The rules of the unit are useless.
If the people around you are not willing to please you, most of them use the system to control emotions and language, actions, etc., and the rules are kept, so that the relationship will not be chaotic, and the talent will not be offside.
03
It is not flattering because of "speaking out".
When we talk, we often say, "There's something to say." ”
But if someone really says "straight talk", it will be very uncomfortable. Because the words are "sharp". Only people with a large pattern can really tolerate "straight talk".
In the Spring and Autumn Period, the king of the State of Wu was sent to attack the State of Qi. Minister Wu Zixu said: "No, the State of Qi is too far away from us, and the language, customs, and habits of the State of Qi are very different from those of the State of Wu, and even if they occupy some land, the local people will not obey the management." We can only develop to the south and compete with the Vietnamese. ”
Fu Cha did not heed the advice, led the army to the north, engaged the Qi army at Ai Ling, and won the victory.
Before Fu Cha could hold a celebration meeting, Yue Guo took advantage of the situation to attack the capital of the State of Wu and harmed the crown prince. Fu Cha hurried back and stabilized the situation, but within a few years, Yue Wang Gou Jian completely defeated the State of Wu.
Politician Lü Buwei said: "If the husband has not yet arrived, he must not tell him; if the trouble has arrived, although he knows it, he will not be able to know it." ”
Before the plague has come, someone directly alerts you, indicating that it is a "heartfelt word." And if you don't listen, you're letting go of the evil.
Everyone likes to hear things like "I wish you success and all the best", but they don't know that the road ahead is long and difficulties are inevitable. The man who wished you "no success", even more precious, told the truth.
04
It is not flattering because it is "going it alone".
Some people are accustomed to the "bystander qing" way of doing things, for the things around them, they can see through, but they will not say it.
What you want to do, the other party does not give advice, does not oppose or support. What you have done wrong, the other party does not criticize, do not blame. It seems that every word and deed of the other party has nothing to do with you.
If you take the initiative to bow your head and ask the other party for advice, you will know your shortcomings and will get a lot of advice.
There is a way that a person's strength begins with being alone. Obviously, the people around you ignore your love because he is growing up alone, and his indifference is originally a language.
For example, when Confucius was out with his disciples, he met a nearly hundred-year-old man, Lin Class, who was very poor but very happy. Confucius's student Zigong stepped forward and asked, "You are all old, and you don't have a wife or children, what are you happy about?" ”
Lin Fan said: "I, no wife and no children, plus 'death' is ahead, who can not be happy." ”
Confucius sighed, "I know what it can say, and sure enough." ”
A person who walks alone and looks lonely, but in fact, he is very rich in his heart, and he has his own ideas and rules for doing things, rather than being constrained by the outside world all the time.
Therefore, we must learn to "ask without shame", take the initiative to collect "ugly words" from others, accept critical opinions, and hear different voices, so as to make ourselves perfect.
05
Always flattering, often with other plans.
As the saying goes, "If you have nothing to offer, you will not commit adultery or theft." ”
In this world, no one will inexplicably please you, but come greedy for profits, or want to pull you into the water.
"Lü's Spring and Autumn" records that during the Spring and Autumn Period, in order to expand the land to the northwest, Qin Mugong took out fine wine and food to the local Rong King, and also arranged for beautiful women to dance, sing and play the piano in front of the Rong King.
King Rong was very happy and lost his sense of defense. Finally, in his sleep, he was captured alive.
It can be seen from this that the scourge brought about by flattery is really great. Not only will you lose your own interests, but you will also lose everyone's interests together.
If in a unit, everyone praises each other, then the unit will become a "hall of words" and develop in the wrong direction, and no one knows. In the same way, a family, a circle of friends, a class, to please each other is a bad habit.
06
Bi Shumin said: "Our lives do not exist because we like others." ”
Everyone is unique, has a different view of people and things, and only for some purpose, has to be patient, say insincere words, and please others.
Wise people, on the other hand, will respect "the differences of others", maintain those who are "unflattering" in relationships, and look up to those who are "unflattering". Getting along with people, with a little bit of sharpness, is the "sobriety" at the critical time.
From now on, no matter who you associate with, "choose those who are good and follow them, and choose those who are not good and stay away."
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.