Broadcast: Zhao Jiao Audio Production:
Wu Huijuan, a native of Luannan, Hebei Province, graduated from Chongqing University and was a national defense student. He has served as a platoon leader, publicity officer, instructor and other positions. His works have appeared in "People's Liberation Army Literature and Art", "Southwest Military Literature", "Olive Green", "Excalibur", "Avant-garde Literature", "People's Liberation Army Daily" and other newspapers and periodicals.
■ Wu Huijuan
It's been a few minutes since my ass sat in the chair, and the sound of high heels tapping on the floor tiles was heard in the corridor, not hurried, clucking... Zhao Xiaotao was late at work, pinching the point, settling the child and racing against the clock to come. But obviously, this high heel does not care about the sound of the work bell at all, the volume is not low, the rhythm is still very stable, which is a bit arbitrary.
The wound on Zhao Xiaotao's arm began to itch, and today it was getting dark, and it looked like it was going to rain.
The housekeeping officer flashed in without knocking on the door, pulled the chair over and tucked it under his ass, spreading his upper body directly across the table, and then asked: "Sister Ben, where is the New Year this year?" ”
The back office officer is also surnamed Zhao, and Zhao Xiaotao almost said at the first party in Corey, Ben family, Sister Zhao, I am your authentic Ben family. The words were polite and affectionate. Since then, on the way to and from work, the gathering is empty, and on all non-serious occasions, the internal affairs officer has called Zhao Xiaotao his home. The more the ben family, the more the ben family shouted, Zhao Xiaotao really felt that this young man was her own family, oh no, it was her brother.
This brother of this family is idle, he likes to send WeChat to Zhao Xiaotao, send everything, either paragraphs, or news, or funny pictures, or even an expression. Last time, I also sent a song, Tian Zhen's "Sonorous Rose", Zhao Xiaotao is not the first time to hear this song, the old song of the early years, singing well, especially the lyrics, very interesting. So that day she still couldn't help but click on it, and listened to the loop several times until she returned to the door.
In which home for the New Year, this is a question. Zhao Xiaotao glanced at the internal affairs officer, and his eye circles turned red at once, how could it be red? Why did it turn red in front of him? Zhao Xiaotao finally held back her emotions for half a day, she shook her head firmly, and said: "I will make another contribution to Corey, I will not go anywhere this Year's New Year, arrange for me to be on duty." ”
The back office officer was obviously a little blindfolded, and he was stunned for a moment before he made a "yah" sound, which was not the sound of victory, but the upper voice of doubt. Seeing that Zhao Xiaotao had buried his head in the circles of his eyes, he said with a stammer: "That, that report..." Suddenly, the section chief of the next office called him, and the young man quickly turned around and ran while answering loudly, leaving a string of ellipses, and of course, question marks.
As a soldier, it is normal not to go home for the New Year, and besides, this is not the first time that Zhao Xiaotao has not returned home. One year, he stayed in the team, because the organs had few manpower, and Zhao Xiaotao was also assigned to combat duty.
Isn't it a combat duty, who says women are inferior to men.
As a result, Zhao Xiaotao really caught up with the matter on the day of duty, first of all, the military organs temporarily drew the situation of the duty personnel in place, just after the sampling, and there were relevant departments at the higher level that required a certain professional to open a certain communication equipment for a limited time, and it was not possible to open a certain communication equipment for a second late, Zhao Xiaotao knew the severity of it, and he would be informed one second late, and the notification would be accountable. When Zhao Xiaotao dealt with these preparations and relaxed, he caught up with the landslide near the station, and the local government asked for help. On that duty, Zhao Xiaotao was busy with four feet to the sky.
Whenever he recalls this, Zhao Xiaotao will be excited, irrepressible excitement, her husband is so described her, it is like beating chicken blood, every node and every detail is clearly remembered. "That's it!" Zhao Xiaotao responded proudly.
Zhao Xiaotao's hometown is in the northeast, the winter is cold and frozen, the station is in southern Yunnan, and the winter is warm and pleasant. Zhao Xiaotao had a disagreement with her husband last night because of the problem of returning home for the New Year, and the husband insisted on not returning to his mother-in-law's house, saying that he was afraid that the child would not be able to stop tossing. How can not help but toss, the child only last year to toss back to the grandmother's home three times. Zhao Xiaotao's mother-in-law's home is relatively close, but that distance, in terms of time, may not be shorter than Zhao Xiaotao's return to his mother's house. The in-laws are in the Liangshan Mountains of Sichuan, and once they go back, they have to turn over backwards, cars to trains, trains to cars, and finally possibly to tractors. There is a private car, the husband commutes to work and drives no problem, but as soon as he goes into the mountain to go home, he shakes the rattle, the mountain road is too dangerous, he does not have the guts.
And my own mother's home, the distance is far away, but you can take a plane. Therefore, Zhao Xiaotao felt that her husband just didn't want to go back.
Why? After Zhao Xiaotao got married, she found that these three words had unconsciously become a mantra when she and her husband quarreled. Why not go back to the northeast? Why am I not allowed to hit chicken blood? cut.
So the Cold War.
When he went out this morning, Zhao Xiaotao was packing his handbag while deliberately glancing at her husband, who was still eating breakfast, and as expected, people were hula eating rice noodles with a shady face. When talking about love, such a face has not been encountered for a hundred years, and now it is three to five. virtue. Zhao Xiaotao used force when he closed the door, "snapping", almost shaking himself to the ground.
Thinking of himself as a rootless outsider who didn't even have a place to hide in the Cold War, Zhao Xiaotao even regretted that he had chosen to marry far away, and what was even more fatal was that this feeling of regret was becoming more and more frequent. This may be related to their current situation, once people's situation changes, their state of mind will naturally change, but it is normal.
Despite this, Zhao Xiaotao still decided to compromise, and sometimes, compromise, only compromise, is the strongest driving force to maintain marriage. Zhao Xiaotao compromised to ask his parents to come and visit by the way, to see the scenery outside, and when they came to travel. On the way to work, Zhao Xiaotao made a phone call, but his mother did not agree, the phone was handed over to his father, and his father did not agree, and he did not agree or directly said that they did not want to come or could not come, but twisted and turned, saying that hey, winter must have the appearance of winter, red flowers and willows are green, even a snowflake can not be seen, you have no meaning.
That being said, Zhao Xiaotao knew in his heart that they were not coming because they were afraid of trouble for her, and they were most afraid of causing trouble for her. For example, they usually have no important things to do and never take the initiative to call Zhao Xiaotao, and those who are soldiers can answer the phone casually. They are always so sensible, which makes Zhao Xiaotao feel even more guilty in his heart.
The wound on the forearm began to itch again, this is a few years ago Zhao Xiaotao participated in the drought relief, accidentally slipped down from the top of the mountain, was nailed rake a deep and wide opening, healing is long healed, that is, as soon as the day changes, it will be itchy. All these years, it has been like this. The husband said that this is going to be with you for the rest of your life. Then, Zhao Xiaotao can immediately catch his words below, you talk about you, a female comrade, so desperately do what. The accent fell on the word "dry", full of complaints, and couldn't figure it out.
Yeah, so desperately trying to do what? Zhao Xiaotao also asked himself more than once. Zhao Xiaotao joined the army purely out of love for military uniforms, just to achieve a cool and heroic posture. For this cool and heroic posture, Zhao Xiaotao did not care about suffering or tiredness, the environment did not matter whether it was good or bad, and the salary was nothing, as long as he could wear this military uniform.
It's cool to think young, and you can care nothing about it.
In that drought relief, Zhao Xiaotao drove a warrior car alone and ran all the disaster relief points, most of which were deep in the mountains, winding the mountain road round and round, she was even frightened, vomiting and vomiting, but she did not care. During the day, I came back to work overtime to write a manuscript, and I couldn't take care of washing my hair and taking a shower. After the end of the drought relief, in view of the quantity and quality of Zhao Xiaotao's manuscript, the leaders unanimously decided to give her credit. Whenever her husband asked her what she was trying, she immediately remembered the honor carried by the third-class merit in her heart, which was a testimony to the glorious experience of her youth, and her husband did not understand it at all. cut.
Zhao Xiaotao opened the office computer, clicked on the blank document, his mind still could not be concentrated, and he pondered the New Year again. In the first few years after graduation, I was not able to go back, and the first year was because I had just graduated, and I could not go back according to the regulations. The next year, the daughter-in-law of the old officer in the same office had a child, and the due date was originally the end of the month, but as a result, the little guy was forty days ahead of schedule, and Zhao Xiaotao had to stay on duty for the old officer.
By the third year, Zhao Xiaotao had made plans early, returned to his hometown with his parents to worship his ancestors, and then went to the second aunt's house in Zhengzhou, and as a result, he caught up with the earthquake years ago. The leader also took into account her actual situation and did not arrange for her to go on. It was Zhao Xiaotao himself who had to go on, and it was not easy to catch up with a big event, and he had to go through a good experience. During the disaster relief period, she issued dozens of manuscripts and made the first merit on the military road, as for the drought resistance, that is the last word, that is her second merit. Of course, she returned several times during the Spring Festival in the next few years, thanks to the care and attention of the leaders and comrades.
Zhao Xiaotao glanced at the door, and what flashed in his mind was the back of the internal affairs officer after a cigarette, this family, this boy.
The chief of the interior officer is average, from height to appearance to body shape, it is indeed very general, there is no particular prominence, it is not the kind of young man who is easy to make people feel excited, fortunately, thanks to the military uniform, the young man can still be regarded as a spirit. But this officer does not do a good job, carefully, conscientiously, responsibly, the key is to be very patient. As far as taking out the bad accounting, corey has more than a dozen people, almost every day there are people outside, the accounting is a meticulous work, a little carelessness is easy to cause misunderstanding. He will patiently explain to everyone one by one, he has never seen him anxious or impatient, so long to see, no one has complained about him, it is true. That's a rarity.
Zhao Xiaotao sometimes thinks that at that time, she would not appreciate such a person no matter what, and at that time she liked men who were "crunchy", liked excellent men, and liked men who showed mountains and dew. But after time and the polishing of married life, many of Zhao Xiaotao's ideas have changed, and he has completely and completely made a big tone. When girls marry, everything on the outside is not so important, and the most important thing is temperament after all.
The back office officer deserves to be owned by a good woman. Zhao Xiaotao had already made up his mind. If the young self matches the current mentality, Zhao Xiaotao will definitely chase back. Wait, how much does young Zhao Xiaotao love face, but now think about it, face? Face has a purpose. Ha ha. Zhao Xiaotao wanted to laugh.
Today is Zhao Xiaotao's most idle day, not only today, the leader has actually consciously reduced Zhao Xiaotao's workload, after all, at this stage, it is a bit difficult to say that it is a bit difficult to press the burden again.
Zhao Xiaotao pondered not only this, but also that she was homesick. When these words are said, parents will be worried, but the truth is this, when you are young, you have a mind to fly out with wings, your eyes only stare at the sky and the earth outside, you don't go home if you don't go home, you take pictures and write manuscripts in the army, you play double buckle with your colleagues during breaks, and your days are happy.
This time I actually missed home, maybe I am old enough to reach this point. This age refers to oneself and one's parents. My father found kidney stones some time ago, rolled on the bed in pain, shouted oops, oops, was going to die — these were all things that relatives later told her, and her parents never mentioned a word. The doctor said that he had to operate on his father no matter what, but the man who was almost seventy years old couldn't help but live? The mother has a bad heart, panics when she encounters something, and has been preparing quick-acting heart-saving pills for many years.
The old two used to fly her like a kite, high and far away, and now they were a little windy, and Zhao Xiaotao could feel that the line was dragging, one by one. And himself, the child is already half tall, in the process of getting married and pulling the child, Zhao Xiaotao's vision has long since slowly retracted, no longer staring at the sky and earth outside.
I am old enough to change careers, but I am reluctant to do so. When Zhao Xiaotao chose to settle down in the garrison, he was reluctant to wear this green military uniform. In this small city, she had rooted her roots in the army at a young age, and zhao Xiaotao felt really uncomfortable in her heart if she wanted to uproot it. The military song is most appropriate, the military uniform is the skin of the soldier, and it will hurt to take it off. This is the key to arguing with her husband, and not returning to the northeast in the New Year is secondary. During this time, Zhao Xiaotao just loved hair and couldn't control it.
At 9:40, the rest bell rang, and my husband sent a WeChat message, a rose. Zhao Xiaotao did not pay attention to him, did not take care of him because Zhao Xiaotao understood him, and he took the initiative to send roses, which meant that he compromised. Every time it is like this, he is just beginning to sharpen, as long as you do not pay attention to him, his anger will soon be released, after the release, he will run to take the initiative to surrender and show weakness. A hundred years of unchanged, repeated trials and errors.
Then, the roses turned into three, and Zhao Xiaotao still ignored him. Just put down the mobile phone, the sound of high heels in the corridor again, it is the "one dime three" again. Zhao Xiaotao did not want to mention this "one dime and three". But not mentioning it doesn't mean she really doesn't mention it, she can't help but mention it. "One dime and three" is like a needle, which makes Zhao Xiaotao uncomfortable, especially at this juncture, Zhao Xiaotao can't see "one dime and three", and when he sees it, he will be envious and uncomfortable.
A young female cadre was newly assigned to the ministry, sitting in the office opposite Zhao Xiaotao, carrying Zhao Xiaotao's favorite military rank of "one dime and three cents." "One dime and three", how young, three stars on a bar, like big curious eyes, looking at here and there. "One dime and three cents" is the initial stage of the military career, and the beginning means that the direction is undecided, which means that there are infinite possibilities in the future. "One dime three" slim body, delicate skin, face can squeeze out water, big eyes are also a watery look, look at it will attract people's likes.
"One dime three" held Peppa Pig's ceramic cup, the aroma of coffee sprinkled all over the office, not to mention, but also rushed out, making the entire corridor is. I don't know if everyone realizes that this incense is not an ordinary incense, where is the coffee aroma, the clear out of the rush is the "one dime three" Buddha-figure. Zhao Xiaotao couldn't help but be shocked, in this coffee fragrance she clearly saw her own shadow of that year, that kind of arbitrary, that kind of disregard for the eyes of others, no difference.
Zhao Xiaotao sometimes wonders why "One Dime Three" would wear a military uniform, why would she be assigned here, and whether she would be like herself in the future, stubbornly growing up like a flower here. Therefore, Zhao Xiaotao looked at the "one dime and three" from a distance, just like admiring his young self. Zhao Xiaotao also appreciated this sound, because it knocked out her memories.
Zhao Xiaotao likes winter. The winter in the small town was only cool for a few days years ago, and every few days, Zhao Xiaotao, who grew up in the north, used to find leather gloves, put them on solemnly, and then hold a dark handbag, which contained access control, change, keys, napkins, and walked in the office building with high heels, which looked solemn and weighty. Zhao Xiaotao was used to standing out in the pile of men.
Before giving birth to a daughter, Zhao Xiaotao was very keen on high heels. The series of sounds made by the heel hitting the ground is the most special emergency collection number, and everyone's mind will gather under the high heels in an instant, zhao Xiaotao has this confidence.
The unit wears regular clothes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and camouflage on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She likes camouflage, which is loose and comfortable, although it does not show the waist, but it has a taste - the smell of soldiers. The taste of camouflage can only be experienced by those officers and men who have really participated in major activities such as exercises and disaster relief, and the kind of taste that can only be tempered after experiencing high-intensity and strict requirements. What does it taste like? Zhao Xiaotao told her husband, of course, it is not the aroma of coffee, what taste? Is it the taste of the field, the taste of the soldiers, do you understand?
Zhao Xiaotao did not understand how to choose to go until now, so he chose him as her husband. Her husband is not from the military, the conditions are relatively ordinary, to say that the place that attracts her, Zhao Xiaotao knows in his heart, that is, he can compose poetry. Zhao Xiaotao's circle of friends has many people who can write poetry, but her husband is different from them, he never writes oil poems, nor does he write modern poems, but writes old style poems, which is very rare, now these people, which one will write old style poetry? Just this one bright spot, like the sun, compares the stars and the moon.
Zhao Xiaotao does not like to wear regular clothes, but likes to wear high heels, in order to wear high heels, he had to like to wear regular clothes, which is a bit of love for the meaning of House and Wu. Every 135, Zhao Xiaotao wore high heels to walk in the office building of the organ, clucking, clucking, and playing a dreamy and beautiful song with high heels.
Time will change many things, and all the good will lose in the face of time. After pregnancy, the high heels were naturally replaced by flat shoes, originally she was planning to change back to high heels after giving birth, who admitted that after giving birth, she could not change back, she felt that soft, comfortable, low-key is far more important than the emergency collection number. She likes to quietly appear in the office, quietly participate in various activities, quietly enter the canteen, quietly lock the door to work, she wants to drown herself in the vast sea of people. Compared with zhang teeth and dancing claws, Zhao Xiaotao after production prefers jinyi night travel.
The section chief mentioned once at the section affairs meeting that it is necessary to pay attention to military appearance and discipline, and that the military should not be mixed and matched. Zhao Xiaotao took notes while brushing the hair around her ear behind her ear, and the section chief glanced at her, and he didn't know whether he heard it or not. But she finally bought a pair of black shoes that looked particularly close to military leather shoes, but the difference was that the heel was very short, only a small cut of the chalk head.
After the "one dime and three cents" came, Zhao Xiaotao obviously felt a change. There was an emergency assembly number that had not been heard for many years in the corridor, clucking and clucking, and the little girl casually walked in the corridor, and pulled out one or two eyeballs, including Zhao Xiaotao himself. Giggles are obviously more appealing than coffee aromas.
The Internal Affairs Officer is very discerning. The night before, he sent Zhao Xiaotao a WeChat message with a very simple title: How should women make masks? Zhao Xiaotao opened it and looked at it. Every message sent by the internal affairs officer, Zhao Xiaotao read it, sometimes carelessly, sometimes very seriously. Even the ugliest woman has no resistance to beauty and clothes, let alone Zhao Xiaotao. Zhao Xiaotao opened it to see, there are all kinds of strange masks, yogurt, cucumbers, these Zhao Xiaotao knows. She has also personally tested cucumbers, and as for the effect, according to her husband, mm-hmm, generally. Zhao Xiaotao slapped him, all hmmm, still general, this is not contradictory. There are also papayas, loofahs, and even kiwis, Zhao Xiaotao is not interested, she is allergic skin, easy to dare not try. Finally patiently turned to the end, found that this is actually an advertising sticker, the last recommended is a brand of mask that has never been heard of, playing the organic concept. It's not food, but there is still a machine? Funny! So a big bottle of organic mask, there is a tender little girl on the side, like whom? Oh, right, right, like "one dime three" grinning at Zhao Xiaotao. Zhao Xiaotao sighed twice in his heart, this boy, this officer.
Her husband's roses began to bombard, and Zhao Xiaotao glanced at his mobile phone, or decided not to ignore him, that is, to let his anger go to the end. Click on the circle of friends to find that her husband sent a new dynamic, in addition to poetry, his circle of friends is completely clean. Today is an exception, the husband sent not an old style poem, but a modern poem, and a bit like lyrics:
Talk about what acacia idle frowns
Talk about what is off the dove in the River Continent
A fresh breeze blows on it
Just one sentence to hear
belch
Take advantage of the young, take advantage of the young
Say what silver Han darkness Queqiao return road
Dao what the Yangtze River drink acacia does not fail
A wooden fish and all things are quiet
Listen again
belch
Take advantage of the young, take advantage of the young
Zhao Xiaotao read it several times, seemed to understand non-understanding, wanted to comment on two sentences below, and felt that his mouth meant that he was taken down instantly, and simply put down the mobile phone. Saying what to say while young, taking advantage of youth, Zhao Xiaotao thought about it, the young self seems to have no regrets, and everything he wants to do, including joining the army, including getting married and having children, including finally settling in this small city, the activities he wants to participate in are basically also participated. If you have to have regrets, it is the Tibetan training, because of their own physical reasons can not participate in the success, it is said that the training site, not even a toilet, Zhao Xiaotao deliberately looked over the year's training materials, blue sky and white clouds, below is the bare mountain, all kinds of equipment vehicles like aliens who broke into the earth, aliens in camouflage.
Until now, Zhao Xiaotao has not been to Tibet, which is a pity, although it is said that he is not old now, he can have more opportunities to go to Tibet later, and he is not a soldier.
The internal affairs officer turned around and came back from the section chief's office, or the original action, the essentials were exactly the same, did not knock on the door and flashed in, pulled the chair over and stuffed it under the ass, the upper body was directly spread across the table, pulling the long voice and continuing to say, Hey, Ben Jia sister, you also have a heart.
Zhao Xiaotao gave him a blank look, little fart, understand something. Got up and took a glass of water. I went to the window and found that it was really raining outside, the fog was vast, very small and fine, and the ground was a little damp. After taking a sip of water, he looked at the little fart again: "Something?" ”
The little fart child nodded, and continued with a slightly twisted look: "I don't know if it is appropriate to say it now, that is, I just want to ask Ben Jiajie to build a bridge..."
Zhao Xiaotao was stunned for a moment, his brain quickly turned around, and then asked: "Is it 'clucking and clucking'?" ”
The little fart actually blushed.
Zhao Xiaotao smiled, that "one dime three", that tender, comparable to the mask advertising model of "one dime three", the "one dime three" that clucked and giggled every day, the "one dime three" that was exactly the same as when he was young. The internal affairs officer could not hear her inner words, but just looked at Zhao Xiaotao with pleading eyes.
Zhao Xiaotao looked out for a moment, and then quickly said: "No problem, of course, no problem, good boy, good girl, I will try." Zhao Xiaotao was not like this when she was young, when she liked to say absolutely, now she can't, and now she will never pat her chest and say something that she is not sure of.
The back office officer was relieved, and kept saying please, thank you, thank you, thank you ben sister.
Zhao Xiaotao waved his hand and said that I could not guarantee the result, but I would try my best. Zhao Xiaotao has no reason not to try his best, as he grows older, Zhao Xiaotao, like other women, has become nosy and loves to worry about this kind of marriage between unmarried men and women. The year before, she had introduced one of her husband's distant sisters to a military staff officer who spoke and did things with a straight face and an eye, and her sister was a primary school teacher and quiet. At first, the husband strongly opposed, which was completely out of tune, unexpectedly, under the mediation of Zhao Xiaotao, the two people talked for half a year and actually resolutely received the certificate. Everyone joked that some people are born suitable for being a moon elder, really, Zhao Xiaotao is born with a moon old age.
The Back Office Officer hastened to add that there must be a great deal of thanks. There must have been four words of thanks, making him feel like he had been lost and found.
When the little fart child left the office, Zhao Xiaotao suddenly felt frustrated. She kept shaking the pen in her hand, hey, this little fart, hey, this little fart, until the pen flew out and landed on the bottom of her feet. Zhao Xiaotao couldn't help but carefully analyze the various conditions of the two people, don't say, it's still a bit interesting, maybe it can be done. Zhao Xiaotao had a premonition, just like the distant sister who introduced her husband at the beginning, Zhao Xiaotao's feeling at that time was on par with now.
It's time to do some serious things, although the leader did not arrange, Zhao Xiaotao still has her own work to do, in the blank document at the top grid, she just typed down the "transfer report" four words, the wound is very uninterestingly itchy, this itch, itch out a lot of content, stationed training, disaster relief, exercises and daily office bit by bit, a scene skimmed the mind, time, place, people, activities, processes, results, every element she can clearly recall.
Don't give up! Don't give up! Zhao Xiaotao's red eyes began to sour again, and he was holding back hard, the mobile phone suddenly vibrated, and the head of her husband with a grimace swung left and right on the mobile phone screen, and Zhao Xiaotao's tears finally broke the embankment.
The sound of high heels came from the corridor again, clucking and clucking...
——Published in PLA Literature and Art, No. 4, 2022
Title Calligraphy | Zhu Xiuhai
Illustrations in the text | Yang Yi
Original edit | Wen Qingli
Xing Weiyao
Coordinate the review of | Whoa
| issued Wen Qingli