N Haidu all-media reporter Liu Wenhui
To: Mother Dai Qinghua
Mom, in the end, you still let you put a tube in the icu and leave, are you very angry with me? Do you think I'm unfilial? Mom, I'm sorry, but I wouldn't send you in again if I had a little way...
You gave me all your love, the light of my life, guiding my every choice. Although you don't read much, you have endless wisdom in life, and I basically have your staff officer every step of the military division. But on January 6 of this year, you left me, and this Spring Festival after you left, the family was deserted.
Memorial: Zhang Tingting
Mom, you know what? Since the day you were diagnosed with advanced lung cancer on September 17, 2014, there has not been a single day that I have not been afraid of the day of parting. I want to do my best not to let your condition deteriorate, and I will decide on feasible medical measures according to your ideas. I promise you who love to travel, and I will take you out on a trip as soon as I get to the winter and summer vacations and small long vacations. You don't like group tours, I'll make my own routes, we go our own way. In the past seven years, we have traveled all over the motherland, and also traveled to Japan, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia, Bali and other countries and regions. I hope there are no regrets between us, I hope to bring you a lot of good memories, but the disease is still so hateful, so that your body deteriorated rapidly within half a year.
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I can't forget my father pushing the door every time or in the middle of the night or in the early morning: "Tingting, look at what is wrong with your mother." I hate the disease, always making you close your eyes, pale, short of breath, and finally fall unconscious. In just half a year, I have played 120 emergency treatment twice, you went to the emergency department four times, intubated twice, stayed in icu three times, and the last time, did not rescue you back...
I can't forget the doctor's critical illness notices, every tearful conversation with the doctor, and I can't forget that after your diagnosis seven years ago, I cried and begged the doctors and nurses to hide the disease from you. I can't forget the look of pain on your face when you saw me crying when you learned of my condition. Because I don't understand the disease, and you are more stubborn have their own set of "medical treatment" theory, so for seven years I continue to learn, constantly looking for a plan, so that last year when the condition worsened, the doctors asked me where you were treated, I could only say "seven years ago only opened a knife, the follow-up plan is what I did for my mother, even if the drug resistance, but also I changed the medicine for my mother", the doctors are very impressed with me, a layman can understand my mother's disease so much, but then understand, in the end is also powerless, Watch as you leave.
My daughter is still not filial, sent you to the hospital, did not pick you up, you must be disappointed in me, right? Mom! After you first come out of the icu, you say, "Whoever daughter would send her mother to that kind of place, no matter what she is." Mom, I also want to guard you every day, but the epidemic control, icu does not allow family members to visit. Although I tried my best to transfer you to the hospital and see you once every other day, but with the tube inserted, you could not say anything, and I washed my face with tears every day.
After you first came out, the condition still worsened, and another breathing difficulty made you have to insert a tube to go to the icu, and after I was allowed to go in to visit, you opened your eyes wide and shook my head vigorously. I know you're in pain, you don't want to be treated, but I can't help it, I want to take you home, the doctor won't allow it, say pull out the tube, you probably can't even go home...
That day, on the doctor's phone, I knew it was coming. Your breathing became more and more difficult, your consciousness became more and more blurred, and when the doctor announced that you were not there, I touched your increasingly cold hand and threw myself into your arms, and when I touched your still warm neck, I said to the doctor, "She still has the temperature," and the doctor shook his head at me. I lie down in your ear and keep saying, "Mom, I'll be good to the little dish, I'll take care of Daddy," and I don't dare tell you that because I think it's too much of a parting promise. In my heart, I always have an optimistic and positive attitude towards your condition, and I don't want to say this, so that your heart stops beating before I dare to say it. Mom, did you hear me?
Mom, because of your departure, I am no longer afraid of death, Mom, you are waiting for me in heaven, we are still together, okay? This life is too short, not enough! This world can no longer see you, can not hear your voice, only to hope that a little later, the heavens will see you!
EDIT: White