Wei Lin is 38 years old, unmarried and lives alone.
She had thyroid cancer.
On the day of the operation, she went to the hospital alone with her luggage to go through the formalities.
Then, a person finishes the surgery.
When I had just finished the operation, my neck was swollen and there were two drainage bags hanging next to me.
As she leaned against the hospital bed, she accidentally slipped down. His head was caught in the gap between the hospital bed and the bedside table, unable to move.
She wanted to shout, but her body hadn't recovered yet, and she couldn't make any sound at all.
There are no relatives or friends next to the bed, and the call bell cannot be reached.
She was caught in the slit for about 20 minutes, and her face was red.
It wasn't until the nurse at the next bed saw her that he lifted her up.
There was once a level of loneliness circulating on the Internet.
Among them, the highest tenth degree of loneliness is to go to surgery alone.
Wei Lin later admitted that at the moment when she was caught in the slit and could not move, she did feel lonely and vulnerable in her heart.
#独居女孩, how do you balance loneliness and freedom? #
The above clip is from the documentary "She's At Home".
The camera focuses on a group of women living alone, showing the real state of their lives.
There is no three sisters and six wives of the great truth and persuasion, and there is no blind pandering to the current female issues, instilling the so-called big heroine-style poisonous chicken soup.
As a feminist subject, it gives a rare perspective - self-reflection between women, showing each other.
Director Dai Xianjing, who has lived alone for 6 years, has just ended an intimate relationship.
She is also engaged in a process of introspection when she observes other women living alone.
I try to find clarity in the blur,
This is the process of developing again and again
About them, but also about myself
Because of this introspection, it does not condescend to instruct you what you should do. Instead, it cuts inside and gives you a variety of most authentic states to explore and think for yourself.
In front of a mirror, we see the worries and expectations of this group of women living alone.
If according to the standards of film and television dramas, Wei Lin is definitely a proper career-type strong woman.
After the operation, I put into work for only a week, and I ate a meal, and the phone WeChat never stopped, and I really took my life and fought.
As capable and cheerful as she is in her career, she is full of planning for her life.
Probably because the women in the family have a more or less cancer history, she has a sense of crisis from an early age.
After becoming an insurance broker, she gave herself a perfect set of insurance. In case you get sick later, or want to retire at some stage, there is a way back.
There are a lot of things you don't think about
But that doesn't mean it won't happen
However, behind this sober A-side, there is the traditional B-side.
Although she is a strong woman, she is by no means like the so-called big heroine in the film and television drama, who regards marriage as dung.
She also longs for marriage and a perfect intimate relationship.
Wei Lin loved a book, "Prayer for the Joy of Life.". She envies the kind of relationship described in the book:
"We can trust each other and be honest with each other in an equal relationship. We can communicate and express clearly, and we don't pretend to please each other. I can see and appreciate the light, purity, kindness, and abundance within each other. "These three simple points, it's quite difficult for you to find an intimate relationship to achieve this now."
Wei Lin's idea may also be the love concept of many women living alone, and even single women.
But it's one thing to look forward to it, and they all know it's hard.
- This person is coming, everything is good, but you say which one will
- Well, actually I have this problem too
The yearning of romanticism has encountered the solid wall of reality without suspense.
To this end, she has tried blind dates, and even broadened her life circle through various social apps.
Although she does not seem to resist this way of making friends on the surface, there is always a subconscious rejection in her heart.
As her friend said when he teased:
-Teacher Wei She only needs a man when she is particularly lonely
Most of the time she doesn't really need it
- Well, she has too many friends
Friends are actually right.
The gathering ended and the crowd dispersed.
The lively house returned to calm, and Wei Lin silently packed up her dinner in an orderly manner.
When all the chores were done, she looked in the mirror and dealt with the post-operative scars on her neck.
Before going to bed, she applied skin care products while listening to online lessons.
Wei Lin's day passed like this, plain, ordinary, but also fulfilling.
Until now, Wei Lin still wanted to have an intimate relationship.
A friend once tried to ask her if she had ever thought of lowering the bar. She herself often wondered if she was asking too much.
According to the rhythm of people's work and life today, let alone cultivate feelings, there are not many opportunities to meet new people.
Ye Jing, a post-50s woman who lives alone, also acknowledges this loneliness.
You can pass all the darkest moments
The hardest part is that no one shares when you're happy
The times have magnified everyone's emotional gap.
Loneliness is written into their daily lives and even becomes a part of life.
Society often tells women to be financially independent, but ignores the more important points.
Emotional independence.
The times are amplifying the gap, but also allowing people to have freedom — a right to actively choose loneliness.
There is a shot where Uncle Meat is particularly impressed.
When Wei Lin talked about her experience of going to the hospital alone for surgery, the camera scanned the layout of her home.
A set of disney princess doll models, a variety of youthful and energetic photo photos, and a girl's heart full of arrangements.
This is different from Wei Lin's usual sense of calmness, and the sense of contrast is full.
Once reading a book, she choked up as she read it.
"Illness reminds us to see how we live our lives every day
Do we live every day cheerfully, or do we live gloomy every day..."
In a way, living alone gives her room for self-reconciliation.
When she returns the "self" to "me," she crawls out of her muddy life and completes her emotional self-sufficiency of comfort.
Yes, she still craves intimacy, but she also doesn't want to settle down.
Live your life as well as you can, and then slowly wait for love to come.
This self-healing, silent, and endless.
The old demon in his early 30s this year has been living alone for 3 years.
She is also living alone, learning to face up to her emotional gap.
Once upon a time, she was an angry and aggressive person.
The unhappy original family shrouded her life with a lingering haze.
Negative emotions forced her into a corner.
At one point, she based her self-worth on the love and affirmation of others.
Why doesn't my mom love me, why don't men love me
Why doesn't anyone love me, you guys are bad people
Drifting north alone, she has suffered a lot.
No one could hold her behind her back, or even a way out—a strong lack of security and presence.
This sense of scarcity from the outside in almost shaped her personality.
After making money, she went on a shopping spree. There are many thieves in the family's clothes, and some of them have not even taken off their tags.
When I was a child, I was too poor to have any toys, and when I grew up, I bought a lot of toys for myself.
No self-confidence, afraid of other people's eyes.
I feel like I've had an obsession all these years
Not so many guys like me
It's all because I'm not pretty
So, she went for a facelift, trying to become a look that others approved of.
Eyes, nose and mouth have moved.
It's done, and then what? She didn't feel much satisfaction.
Not to mention that in reality, there are many such malicious intentions on the Internet alone, and they are close at hand.
On the barrage, from time to time, there were remarks attacking her appearance.
Plastic surgery didn't really make the old demon confident.
She often subconsciously sorts out her grooming.
(Old demon on the right)
The change probably happened after she lived alone.
During her first year of living alone, she had to confront her own sense of scarcity.
A lot of things won't be done, a lot of things don't know.
And this process of being alone allowed her to slowly find a way to get along with herself.
In this process of gradually recognizing herself, like Wei Lin, she slowly learned to heal herself.
The old demon, who felt a lack of love, was like a reed, and a gust of wind blew through, and she fell down, but straightened up again.
As she later said:
-But after the whole thing, it turned out that my problem was not that I didn't look good
- What is that?
- Live in your own world
She is self-doubting, relieved and self-affirming at the same time.
How can a person who cannot even understand loving himself be loved and loved?
Ultimately.
When we talk about women living alone, in addition to the personal safety that is widely concerned by everyone, there is also the emotion that calms their hearts - a sense of inner self-sufficiency.
This is also the fundamental reason why Dai Xianjing, as a woman living alone, decided to make this documentary.
I think of course there will be a lonely part of living alone
It's just how do you think about yourself through the loneliness
Borrowing to live alone from the province, let the emotions be self-consistent in loneliness.
And they are just a microcosm of the female group.
In them, we can see that women's solitary life is not strange, nor does it need to be looked at with pity.
They are neither working fighting machines nor marriage believers who hate marriage.
Like all ordinary people, try to live for their goals.
In this observation experiment, director Dai Xianjing is also trying to figure out her emotional gap.
She wanted to live alone, and her mother didn't agree, but she decided to do it anyway.
I want to do what I want to do, maybe it is also an obsession
Why not
Now I also live alone
I wasn't in a relationship, I wasn't married or had kids
I still have a breath
It is also free to do what you want to do
This breath, this fire— is the inner support for women living alone.
Finally, let's talk about an interesting episode.
When Dai Xianjing was almost 30, she was often urged to marry by her mother.
Later, I really couldn't move, so I didn't care about her.
Wei Lin went on a blind date, and she also experienced it with her, which was the first time in her life.
In the evening, she called her mother on video and told her about her blind date.
I thought that the mother who nagged her every day that she did not look for a partner would praise her happily, but the result...
What do you do, those things are not reliable
There are many deceitful people, and good people will not go there
Just two days ago, Dai Xianjing shared her chat history with her mother on Weibo.
The real mother in the world has realized again - women who live alone are not not eager for emotional life, but there are no excellent men...
Have you realized?
Poof, sure enough, my mother is the one who came over, and I can see it really clearly
Today's workers: Wang Jia Health Commissioner