"Poverty is not about breaking a house, dirty laundry, and huddling together with a big family. Poverty is the absence of love, not even respect, not knowing the difference between love and abuse. ”
Recently, while watching an Oscar-nominated documentary, this quote from the book "Call the Midwife" instantly popped into my mind.
The documentary is called "Children in the Mist".
After its release, it was predicted to be the "most popular winner of the year" and was invited to perform at more than 30 film festivals around the world.
In the midst of a large number of elaborate productions, "Children in the Mist" looks particularly "deviant".
It has no soundtrack, no camera team, and only the director himself is the whole film.
The documentary pays the most attention to the objective position of truth and non-interference, but the director made a taboo in the industry during the filming process, and finally couldn't help but abandon reason and intervene in the fate of the filmed.
But for the first time, I couldn't be more thankful that the documentary filmmaker intervened.
Fortunately, she did not let a 14-year-old child be kidnapped like a livestock and forcibly married.
01
"Children in the Mist" was filmed in an ethnic minority village in northern Vietnam, the Hmong ethnic group.
The village is surrounded by millions of mountains, which are covered in clouds and mist all year round, and here you can see the water vapor condensed into mist and constantly surging between the mountains and the sky.
A local wedding banquet scene after the opening of the film previews the situation and fate of everyone in the film.
Under the makeshift banquet tent, the men of the village were drunk before the banquet was opened, singing and dancing wildly with ghosts.
And the girls stood aside and sang in unison a ballad song they all knew in a childlike voice:
Mom and Dad, I write these lines
Let you know that I'm in pain
Being poor
Life is so hard
No clothes to wear, nothing to eat
But I will continue to study
Director Ho Li Yan, who is called "Jane" (Vietnamese transliteration) by the children in the documentary, was originally just a graduate college student who came here to teach with friends.
She lived in a local family and met the family's 12-year-old daughter, Qi, the protagonist of the documentary.
12-year-old Qi
At that time, Jane saw the children in the village playing crazy, remembered her childhood, and came up with the idea of recording the childhood of these children.
But unexpectedly witnessed that a girl's childhood came to an abrupt end due to the local bad habit of "marriage robbery".
14-year-old Qi
Marriage robbery is a long-standing folk custom of the Hermon people.
Girls in this ethnic group marry at a very young age because they are kidnapped and snatched during the New Year when they reach puberty.
The family of the man who abducted them would come to the house the next day to negotiate a marriage with the woman's family, and the girls became brides overnight.
This is what happened to Qi's sister, who was still in her first year of high school when she was kidnapped.
Everyone was celebrating the New Year that day, and Qi's mother was drunk and woke up to find her eldest daughter disappeared overnight.
Neighbors told her that her eldest daughter had been snatched away.
When Qi's sister first appears in the documentary, her round face is full of immaturity.
But she already has a child in her hands and a second one in her belly.
This year, my sister was only 17 years old.
People in the village show three very different attitudes towards the custom of marriage robbery.
Children like Qi disagree with this, and think that the process of marriage robbery is fun, and they skillfully imitate the scene they see when they play the house.
Pick weeds to pretend to be a wedding banquet, and pick up beans to pretend to be wine glasses.
A girl is chosen to play the bride, and then others grab her firmly by the hands and feet, dragging her out.
They are very familiar with the scene of marriage robbery, and they are keen to pull me and fight like this.
In the end, someone will play the role of a mother, hug her daughter who was snatched away, and use childish acting skills to fake cry and say "take care of the child, be happy".
Only directors, who are outsiders, are full of unease about this custom.
She asked Ki, who was still a child, what if she was kidnapped, and Ki smiled and said that she was not afraid.
The director blurted out to persuade her: "You should be afraid." ”
In stark contrast to these girls, the older married women in the village.
They are secretive about the custom of marriage robbery, as if they have numbly accepted everything, but they show fear and dissatisfaction between casual words.
On the day Qi's sister was abducted, her mother cried by the phone.
And when introducing the custom of marriage robbery to the director, she reminded the director that he might be kidnapped by drunk men.
But he quickly reacted again, comforting the director and saying that it didn't matter: "It's not the Hmong tribe anyway, they can't force you." ”
Qi's mother does not hide her disappointment and despair in her marriage, her husband is a drunkard, rarely does housework, and will immediately exchange it for wine when he catches a snake, instead of exchanging money to supplement the family.
While harvesting rice, her husband complained about the poor harvest, and she mercilessly accused him of finding a job:
"Do you think children will take care of you when you are old? They hate you! ”
However, in the face of this marriage that his wife hated so much and was helpless but could not escape, Qi's father was proud.
He complacently showed off to the director, telling how he kidnapped his wife and married her when she was sneaking out of the house greedily.
Even ran to the director after getting drunk, grabbed the director's hand and said that he wanted to tie her up as a daughter-in-law.
Although it was a joking attitude, the director subconsciously stepped back.
Qi's father embodies the attitude of the Hmong men in the village towards marriage robbery:
Taking it for granted, adolescent and developing girls are marriage resources that can be kidnapped and carried home.
02
The director followed the local film sporadically for three years, witnessing Qi's growth from a child who had played with her family to a girl with a fledgling relationship.
Watching her grow up to the age where she may be robbed of marriage, the director always has a worry in his heart.
But Qi herself disagrees, firstly, she is not afraid of the custom of marriage robbery, which has been familiar since childhood, and secondly, Qi thought that she had a choice.
She was one of the first children in the village to go to school, with excellent grades, and she was able to act as a flag bearer when the school held group activities.
She has a smartphone, surfs the Internet, fantasizes about going out of the mountains by reading, and taking her mother, who has never left the village, to see the outside world.
Despite living in a village with a custom of marriage robbery, Ki believes that she has the right to refuse and escape, and yearns for free love.
And firmly said that after being robbed of marriage, he will not get married, and will definitely escape.
When watching the first half of the documentary, the audience will actually have the same idea as Qi, believing that she can escape the bad habits of backwardness.
Because Kiki and the girls in the village seem to live an ordinary and peaceful life, like all adolescent children in the world.
They will have hazy feelings and initial feelings for friends of the opposite sex around them.
Will shyly say goodnight to the boy he likes, and ask the other person to express his love first.
When arguing, he complained to his girlfriend, and counted his little boyfriend's problems with his fingers.
And the girlfriend vowed to say: "This time they must break up, if she dares to get back together, I will beat her." ”
Girlfriends all over the world persuade friends to stay away from scumbags, it is this set of words.
Watching them laugh and play, it's natural to think that the future of these girls should go on as usual:
Get into high school, go to college, get a job, fall in love freely, and find a significant other.
But the good expectations of children finally came to an abrupt end with the arrival of the New Year.
To celebrate the New Year, children from villages near and far gather to play tug-of-war and swing, similar to the Spring Festival temple fair.
A boy who has a crush on Ki invites her to meet, and the two chat shyly for a long time, and the boy wants to avoid the camera to date Ki.
He promised the director that he would not kidnap Ki and would ask his parents if he really wanted to get married.
The director later recalled that at that time, Qi was also reluctant to follow them on a date as a big sister.
Perhaps in the eyes of the director, the two children who are only 14 years old and still don't understand anything, did not insist on continuing to shoot and watched them walk towards the foggy mountain road.
And this decision became a decision that she regretted a lot.
Hearing that Ki was taken away by a boy, Ki's mother immediately understood what had happened.
She will not be like the foreign director, mistakenly thinking that this is really just a throbbing of youth, but instantly understands that it is likely to be a marriage robbery.
The mother quickly called Ki to tell her to go home, and asked someone to ask where the boy's family lived and who his parents were.
Because in addition to marriage robbery, it is also possible that the boy is a human trafficker and wants to sell Qi.
After knowing that Ki had been taken to the boy's house, the director and Ki's parents sat around the fire, and the director couldn't help but cry.
She herself is only a college student who has only graduated a few years ago, and has always regarded Qi as a younger sister.
Qi's mother comforted her: "Don't cry, Jane. Kiki deserves it, and she should have thought about this when she flirted with the boy. ”
These words are cold and ruthless, but looking closely at the mother's expression, it is a bitter smile that pretends to be calm in front of outsiders.
Later, Qi's mother hid in a corner, kept crying and wiping her tears, and called Qi to tell her:
"You tighten your belt, don't let him touch you."
"When you sleep, be sure to wear clothes."
A mother is trying to teach her daughter to protect herself from being raped by strangers.
In another family, parents would try to teach their sons how to leave the stolen 14-year-old bride completely.
03
The next day, the boy's parents came to visit, brought wine and meat, and wanted to negotiate the dowry and wedding details, and Qi's father began to calculate how much gift he would receive.
On the bright side, he still says beautiful things, everything has to be decided by the children themselves, and the daughter may refuse to marry.
But he actually kicked his daughter into the fire pit.
Qi, who was sent back by the man's family, escaped a total of three times.
The first time she proposed to drink "breakup wine" according to custom, after drinking it, the man should give up the marriage robbery, but the boy refused.
Qi didn't know what to do, she thought that she would leave if she expressed her rejection, so she fled to the school.
Qi's family rushed to the school to take her back, because in the local area, it was against custom and shame for a girl to run away and refuse to get married.
The teachers moved out to "call the police" to intimidate and grabbed Kiki's hand to prevent her from being taken away.
But Qi was still taken back by her family.
The second time Qi fled, she still asked the school for help and hid in the office.
School is the only place she can rely on besides home, and studying is the only future she can block her destiny.
Several teachers forced themselves into the banquet to discuss the marriage, and relatives on both sides treated them coldly.
The teachers moved out of the law to try to stop the underage marriage, but they didn't respond.
Unable to persuade the adults, the teachers turned their heads and targeted the children with the breakthrough.
A teacher spoke solemnly to the boy who took Kiki: "You can't force her to love you, it's abuse." ”
However, remember the line from "Call the Midwife" at the beginning of the article:
"Poverty is the absence of love, not even respect, not knowing the difference between love and abuse."
For boys from poor families, these truths of teachers are like passing eyes, and only the daughter-in-law who is always chanting by the family is the fog that forever surrounds the mountains and surrounds themselves.
The director asked the boy why he kidnapped Ki, and he clearly promised not to.
He said blankly that he didn't know.
But his family told him that if he could marry Qi, he might have a good life.
After all, most of the work in this valley is done by women.
In the film, the director recorded the two busy seasons of local rice planting and rice harvest, and more women were busy in the fields.
Even if there are men, they are often teenagers who have not yet started a family.
During the busy agricultural season in the classroom, there are always students who miss class and work at home, and most of them miss class.
At the harvest, Qi, Qi's mother, and Qi's grandmother went into battle from morning to night, and called back her sister, who was already married, to help.
My sister's children were left unattended and slept in woven bags containing rice at the edge of the field.
If he can marry Qi, the boy will naturally have another person who can provide for himself and help the family work for free.
If you use a word that is more in line with this state - it is the slave of one more family.
Ki escaped for the last time, not waiting for the help of the teachers.
The man's relatives came to the door again, and she thought it was another verbal persuasion negotiation, but only loudly defended "I don't love him, I don't want to get married."
But several people on the other side had already surrounded her, and everyone stretched out their hands and firmly held Qi's limbs.
Then forcibly, drag Ki out the door.
Director Jane, who saw this scene, completely collapsed, and she stepped forward to try to tear away and grab Qi's hand, despite the camera still fixed in her hand.
Shouting "let her go", he rushed forward and tried to drag Kiki home against the door, but was stopped by Ki's grandmother.
The camera was also slapped by a man.
In the custom, only the girl's relatives can come forward to rob them, but the director is just an outsider.
Jane chased outside the village without dying, but saw Qi being forcibly lifted and moved towards the entrance of the village by the other party like controlling livestock.
Ki constantly struggled and resisted, and even her pants were almost pulled off and kicked off, and her clothes were disheveled.
Then he shouted: "Jane! Help me! ”
A few days ago, Qi also shouted this sentence to Jane, that is, at the Spring Festival party.
At that time, she was shy and ignorant to go to the appointment, playing with her companions on the high swing, the swing was a little scary, she laughed and shouted: "Save me, Jane!" ”
At the time, Jane, as a documentary filmmaker, was just plainly bystander of the children's frolics.
But this time, she couldn't watch anymore.
At Jane's strong request, Qi's mother hesitated for a moment and then stepped forward to ask them to put Qi.
Ki seized the opportunity to run back, and the rest of the village just thought it was funny and funny when they saw this scene.
At the end of the documentary, it ends with the boy compromising and drinking the breakup wine, and Kiki is free and able to continue school.
The documentary is over, but Qi's life goes on.
04
The Douban score of "Children in the Mist" was originally 8.9 points, but now it has dropped to 8.6 points.
And the few two-star "bad reviews", many of them are sorry for the follow-up story of the documentary.
After finishing junior high school, Qi was admitted to a boarding high school, with good grades, a scholarship from an Australian university, and the opportunity to study abroad.
But Qi chose to stay and get married at the age of 17.
The only consolation is that the director said that judging from her social platform, Qi's life is quite happy.
The audience was dissatisfied with this result, and most of them regretted that Qi did not choose to continue her studies and truly walk out of the mountain.
But it's still the same question:
For Qi, she never really had any freedom of choice.
Qi's family is almost impossible to support her to study abroad, her father is drunk all day, and the family's fields and livestock are only enough to support the family.
Others felt that there were several paths in front of her, but only Qi herself knew that there was only a fog in front of her.
This fog that binds Hmong girls was not born when the marriage robbery happened.
Local girls are generally precocious, parents do not avoid them when talking about sex, and children will unconsciously joke about genital terms.
Because they tacitly accept that teenage girls are old enough to marry.
We can't even tell whether these girls' strong interest in dressing themselves and imitating mature makeup is the result of a love of beauty or the influence of marriage robbery customs.
Even if these girls receive basic education after enlightenment, they can read the outside news online.
The invisible chains of poverty and oppression have already quietly climbed the necks of the girls, binding them within a radius of several kilometers.
The contradictions and conflicts between modern civilization and traditional customs, freedom and family are very obvious in Qi's mother.
On the one hand, she hopes that her daughter will finish her education, and wants to make her remarry when she is 18 years old and adult in accordance with local laws.
But when the marriage robbery really came and her daughter ran away against custom, she was afraid of accusations from others and the pressure of rebellion against tradition, so she ran to school to bring her daughter home.
She will worry about her daughter's future, and try to persuade her daughter not to be deceived by the boy's rhetoric, reminding the man's father that he is also an alcoholic.
But she didn't dare to step forward from the beginning to stop Ki from being dragged away, just wiped her tears from afar.
The reason for not wanting Qi to marry also hides a little selfishness - she is afraid that after Qi leaves, all the work in the family will be done by herself.
Compared to her mother, Ki at least walked out of the village, escaped from marriage robbery, and obtained marriage in free love.
It may not be the best ending in the eyes of onlookers, but it is not easy for Ki and other girls with the same fate.
Don't blame her, it's never a mountain beam that stops her, but a million mountains.
After escaping the catastrophe of this mountain, you will immediately get lost in the thick fog of the next mountain.
Not all girls can meet people who climb ladders and climb to the top of mountains.
Without the presence of cameras, school intervention and Jane's intervention, Kie's fate would likely be the same as that of her sister, who was tied up as a bride at the age of 14.
This documentary, which is weak and not large, may not shake any real problems.
But at least many people have seen the tragedy and seen that there are many girls in the mountains, who will dance and make wishes in the New Year.
Wishing said, "I want to read many, many books!" Earn lots and lots of money! ”