Text | Yoko
In November 2021, TOPHER and the global creative agency The Unreasonable launched the "Very Female" podcast column, which outlined a vivid "extraordinary" woman through dialogue with different female investors, entrepreneurs, designers, bloggers, cross-border artists, etc. From their perspective, in the growth story, look at the real "power" that belongs to women alone.
In the fifth issue, TOPHER invited Dai Xianjing, a female photographer who lives alone after 85. The audio content of this issue has now been launched on podcast platforms such as Soda, NetEase Cloud, Litchi FM, Small Universe, and Himalaya.
In 2016, she walked into the homes of several women living alone with her camera, began filming their own stories, and created the "She's at Home" series. In these photographs, the natural state and real beauty of the women are quite moving. Why did she choose a woman living alone as her subject? What are the reasons why contemporary women live alone? How do they live with themselves in life? Maybe today you can get the most authentic answer.
The following is a transcript of the podcast conversation:
TOPHER: What started photographing women living alone?
Dai Xianjing: In the summer of 2016, it was a period of time since I graduated from graduation to work for a long time, and my emotional state also changed, and suddenly I completely returned to the state of getting along with myself, and I began to think about myself, my thoughts about emotions, and my various thoughts about work and career.
At that time, it happened that a very good girlfriend was pregnant, I wanted to go to her house to see her, I took the camera to shoot, and then slowly photographed various people, there were already some interview conversations at that time, at that time I seemed to need some answers from others, because I had a lot of confusion, this answer is not that others can absorb it for you, but in the process of talking, this resonance is a response to constantly verifying whether what I see is true or false.
TOPHER: How many women have you photographed so far?
Dai Xianjing: More than 30 people have been photographed, and at the beginning, not all of the subjects were solitary. Creation is a process of continuous improvement, in the process of shooting, you will find that the proportion of the original living alone is very large, on the other hand, you will find that the original single people are not only single, but also married and have children, divorce, etc., and slowly find that I myself am also living alone. The number of people living alone is growing globally, and everyone is now pursuing a state of self-sufficiency.
TOPHER: After photographing many women living alone, what commonalities did you find?
Dai Xianjing: Although many women will say that they are living well, they have many hobbies and interests, such as knowing how to drink wine and drink tea, reading books, yoga and fitness, and so on. Modern women have a rich life, with sufficient spirit and abundant inner space, but they still look forward to some emotional interaction in life and do not give up on love. It doesn't mean getting married today, or having to consider the conditions, getting married and having children with a person, and having sex with you, you must first find a boyfriend to get along with, even if it doesn't feel appropriate. Women living alone are slowly beginning to know who they are and what they want.
Another commonality, women are brave and honest. Although I can't see their status with others or the communication at work, in communication, I hear a lot of stories, some people cry when they tell, they can fully trust me is very brave, they will see their own shortcomings, and constantly reflect.
TOPHER: Women no longer intertwine sex and possession, which is a very stark argument.
Dai Xianjing: Some of the stories I have photographed about women are more characteristic, and modern women are more able to distinguish what they want, including the popularity of sex products, dating software, etc. People are becoming more and more lonely, and more post-95 dating is no longer like post-80s and post-85s looking for a place to eat, they are more willing to find something to do. People will say that every day at work is very tired, even if there is a message from someone at night, it is a sense of companionship.
For sex, it is indeed contrary to the earlier times, which does not mean that women who separate love and sex must be independent, but when women see these two things more clearly, her self-affirmation and self-determination consciousness will be stronger. Everyone knows the responsibilities and consequences of doing things, which may be about the relationship between love and sex now.
TOPHER: Where does the sense of certainty of contemporary women living alone come from?
Dai Xianjing: There is a premise for living alone. The first is that you can feed yourself, and this premise implies a sense of certainty.
At the historical level, the combination of women and men is often a combination of men working outside, and women teaching their husbands and children at home, so there is an interdependent and symbiotic relationship. Now, whether in politics or business, women's own education level and social status have long been improved, and they have confidence at the material level, which is one of the sources of determination.
The second point is the development of the Internet, making a person's life very convenient. Now when people are sick, even if there is no one around, they can buy medicine through their mobile phones; if they don't want to cook, they can call for takeaway, and if the things at home are broken, they can ask the master to repair it. It's another sense of certainty about living alone.
Another point is also more important, women are moving from material to spiritual, have time to improve themselves, whether it is fitness to maintain a good figure, or reading, this is a kind of inner abundance and determination.
TOPHER: The tolerance of women living alone in society is increasing.
Dai Xianjing: Everyone is paying attention to women living alone, after the video was sent, some men in the comments asked why they didn't shoot men living alone, and men's solitary living should not be paid attention to? Why is there a female-only observational data? Traditionally, it has been assumed that women should marry at a certain point in time, otherwise the body will not be able to keep up if they give birth. But no one thinks at what point a man must marry.
After the release of the "She's at Home" series, I saw the comments and found that living alone is not so curious, so terrible, but it is a state of life and appearance that naturally appears with the progress of society. A peking university psychology professor left me a message on Weibo, saying that this series is very good, and we must slowly try to build the current intimate relationship in the project.
I have lived alone for 4 years, and because I am too accustomed to the convenience of the Internet, the black hole will be bigger, and I will feel that people have lived to a state where they can only communicate with machines. At the same time, when we eat takeaway alone or are sick, we will be more eager for the energy of real people to pay attention to each other and care for each other, and we will feel why we are so lonely. This is very contradictory, and everyone wants to have a deep connection at the same time, and at the same time is homogenized by the loneliness of the moment.
TOPHER: Living alone doesn't mean not socializing, just giving yourself a quieter environment.
Dai Xianjing: Yes, we can't close ourselves off just because we live alone. Living alone is simply about repairing yourself and connecting better with the outside world.
TOPHER: The book "The Single Age" mentions that the increase in women's education level in modern society has made women more obstacles to finding a partner.
Dai Xianjing: A high level of education means that their self-will will be higher, and they are clearer about their choices, they can distinguish clearly what I want, what responsibility I should take for myself, and I will not blindly follow. I will not get married because I am 25 or 26 years old, and my parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts are urging me to get married.
TOPHER: More and more women are accepting to marry.
Dai Xianjing: In fact, the concept of marrying up and down has nothing to do with emotions, it is more like economics, or more like the logic of finding partners. Marriage is actually a social relationship, and different people need to get married for different reasons at different stages.
Traditionally, the woman's parents will hope that they will find a good object, and people will go up, just like the shancai mother in the Taiwan idol drama Meteor Garden let her daughter find a golden turtle son-in-law, which means that the family status and social identity are going up. However, there are more and more people around me who are "marrying", and the two of them must have a balance with each other.
For example, I photographed a woman, she is a friend I have known for many years, earn more than her husband, but her husband is a creative ability, more delicate and sensitive to the world capture, she feels that the world seen with her husband is different from what she sees alone, and she has gained a lot of things that cannot be measured with money.
TOPHER: What was the story that impressed you the most during the shoot?
Dai Xianjing: To share a woman who was photographed in Beijing, I didn't know her before the shooting, and now we have become good friends. She is cantonese, 81 years old, but she can't see her age at all. Her home is a relatively simple apartment, very plain.
She was with her previous boyfriend for a long time and later found traces of her boyfriend's infidelity. She didn't feel the support of her boyfriend for a long time and was always in PUA. She was shocked when she saw a large number of infidelity photos, but she didn't make a big fuss or ask him how he could do this to himself.
She proposed to her boyfriend to break up, chose to read all the more than 40 books she had not read on the shelves at home, and walked out through self-exploration. After that, she traveled from Guangdong to Beijing and now works for a scientific research institute, where she has always loved psychology and minored for many years until she meets her current mentor.
In her hometown, a 40-year-old unmarried person will not only be pressured by a small family, but also the neighborhood, the street, and the social level will feel that there must be something wrong with a girl who is not married at such an old age. For her, although Beijing's diet, climate, and living conditions are not as good as Guangzhou's, it makes her feel the state of freedom, do not care about traditional concepts, and do her favorite scientific research, just like opening a new chapter in life and seeing some hope.
I asked her: Do you still want to be in love? She did not deny, saying that it was just a fate with a person, does not mean that the emotions are gray, she chose to maintain a positive attitude to face herself.
About Very Feminine
Launched by TOPHER and the global creative agency The Unreasonable, the "Very Women" podcast features a vivid "unusual" woman through dialogue with different female investors, entrepreneurs, designers, bloggers, cross-border artists, etc. From their perspective, in the growth story, look at the real "power" that belongs to women alone.
All podcast text content will be released simultaneously on TOPHER, Interface News, Tencent, NetEase, Sohu, Sina and other all-media platforms, welcome to continue to pay attention. In addition, radio audio has now been launched on podcast platforms such as Soda, NetEase Cloud, Lychee FM, Small Universe, and Himalaya. Welcome to the full version of the conversation.
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