This is the 521st original of Dumb Dad
Dumb Daddy Parenting Contributing Author: Yue Yue
Hello everyone, this is Dumb Daddy Parenting.
On March 14, Li Yapeng officially announced his marriage to his 19-year-old girlfriend through social platforms and officially entered the second marriage.
In fact, as early as March 7, there were media photos of actor Li Yapeng taking his girlfriend Haiha Jinxi to appear in a hospital for a maternity examination.
At that time, the news quickly triggered a heated discussion among netizens.
Judging from the photos taken by the media, the woman wearing a blue down jacket and holding a pregnant belly in the picture is Li Yapeng's 19-year-old girlfriend - Haiha Jinxi.
After the news that Li Yapeng wanted to be a new father was exposed, netizens talked about it.
Some indicate understanding:
Some envy him for being of the opposite sex:
Of course, there are also people who are worried about Li Yan's situation, her parents have a new love, what should Li Yan do?
Of course, the most heart-wrenching thing is that the father who has always loved himself has suddenly become someone else's father, and his love for himself must also be divided in half to another half-child who is half-married to himself.
Whoever falls on such a thing must be uncomfortable.
01.
"My mom and dad have become someone else's mom and dad"
In fact, netizens' worries are not empty. A year ago, Li Yapeng took his new girlfriend and daughter Li Yan to the store together.
At that time, the picture taken by the media was that the three people did not communicate at all, and the atmosphere was a bit awkward.
Before that, Li Yan suddenly deleted all the photos in her social platform and changed her personality signature to "the wrong generation".
I don't know if the "wrong generation" she is talking about is her parents' generation or her own generation.
Now, my father's new girlfriend is pregnant again. This means that soon Li Yan will have new brothers and sisters.
Adolescent children are sensitive, and their fathers have become other people's fathers, will Li Yan feel uncomfortable?
Then again, compared to ordinary people, Li Yan is already very lucky. After all, she is already 15 years old, Li Yapeng remarried, and the couple has rich financial resources, so they do not have to favor several children financially.
Although there will be some emotional loss, at least there will be no problem financially, and more love and material security will be given in order to compensate.
But the children of ordinary families are not so lucky.
I still remember that not long ago, the scrolling subtitles at the door of the civil affairs bureau of a certain place were on the hot search, and after reading it word for word, many netizens were in tears:
"Mom and Dad divorced, I followed Dad.
Dad said he wouldn't look for anyone again, afraid I'd be wronged.
My mother left, hugged me and cried and cried when she left, and said countless sorrys. She said that when she had the ability, she would definitely pick me up.
Then Dad fell in love. He took me to see my aunt, who was very kind to me and promised not to let me be wronged.
Dad soon got married, and Dad and Aunt soon had a younger brother.
On my brother's birthday, my father took a leave of absence to take him to play all day, and he also went to eat a lot of delicious food, and bought a lot of toys and snacks for his brother. I didn't. My brother held snacks and toys to show off in front of me.
In the summer, Dad said that the whole family went to Beijing for a trip, and I was very happy. Later Dad took his brother and aunt with him. I didn't go and ate instant noodles at home alone.
My brother was crying in my aunt's arms, and my father asked me to apologize, knowing that my brother had broken my toy.
The younger brother cried even harder. Dad yelled at me. I know Dad is someone else's Dad anymore.
After seven years, my mother finally came back to see me. I wanted to follow my mother, and my mother did not agree.
Mom also married someone else, and also gave birth to a sister, and Mom became someone else's mother. ”
What a heartfelt word! Every word speaks of the most intimate pain in the hearts of children of divorced families.
Perhaps for many couples, divorce means relief, it means a new beginning.
But for children, it is to be separated from the original life. Suddenly, I have two fathers, two mothers, and two families, but no matter where I go, I feel like the extra one.
02.
The biggest fear that divorce gives to children is that Mom and Dad don't love me anymore
It is said that parents divorce, and the most hurt is the children.
But what hurts the child is never the divorce of the parents, but the child feels that the love of the parents disappears with the original family.
Children who think they have lost the love of their parents often feel that they have no one to rely on and no way back.
In the end, they all lived as an island.
Remember that on February 22 this year, a little girl accompanied her parents to divorce, and an action caused countless netizens to cry.
The girl sat in the corner of the Civil Affairs Bureau, her fingers clasped all the time, and she could feel the child's cramped uneasiness across the screen.
What exactly is the child afraid of?
For young children, they may not have a clue what "divorce" really means.
What they feared was that Mom and Dad didn't love me anymore.
If parents can give their children enough security, they still give their children full of love after divorce. Then, even the children of the reorganized family can grow up happily.
I once saw a 12-year-old child on the Internet who drew a cartoon.
His name was Azka, and his parents divorced when he was six years old.
Azka has a more perverse understanding of parental divorce than adults.
He wrote in the comic:
"It's a story about a broken family. Mom and Dad fell in love and had a baby, which named me Azka.
We had a wonderful home until I was 6 years old. But Mom and Dad started arguing about a lot of things, and eventually they decided to divorce. ”
He went on to write:
"They're just no longer each other's husbands and wives, but they're still my parents. When you can still enjoy the love from your parents, the home is not broken. I am very happy and thank you for being my best parents. ”
You see, children who grow up in divorced families are not necessarily unhappy. Importantly, the love of parents for their children has not disappeared.
03.
How to restructure families should get along, look at this "textbook"
If you ask how to get along with the reorganized family, then the sitcom "Family with Children" is definitely a rare textbook.
The 3 children in this restructured family are all sunny and happy, which makes everyone who has watched this drama envious.
In fact, as long as parents run a new family well, they can also let their children grow up happily in the restructured family.
A decent divorce is the greatest tenderness for children
A pair of sword-rattling parents can cause great harm to their children. Therefore, a decent divorce is the best protection for children.
In "Family with Children", after Xia Donghai and Liu Mei got married, their ex-husbands and ex-wives often visited the house.
Liu Mei's ex-husband Hu Yitong did not do the right thing and ran the train with his mouth full of mouths, but Liu Mei rarely said bad things about his father in front of Liu Xing, and Liu Xing did not hate his father.
When asked how many points to give Dad, Liu Xing replied without hesitation:
"99 points, because he's my dad, and he loves me so much!"
Many couples have resentment and resentment towards each other after divorce. But the sane person will realize that maybe we hate him, but we can't suppress him in front of the child, but we must maintain the image of the father or mother in the child's heart.
For this, Faye Wong and Li Yapeng have also done a very good job.
In 2013, Faye Wong said she wanted a divorce, and Li Yapeng tweeted: "I want you to be happy, my high school girl."
After the breakup, Faye Wong and Nicholas Tse got back together, and in the face of the storm in the city, Li Yapeng supported:
"There are many interpretations of love, and each one deserves to be blessed. Baby and her mother bless you. ”
In fact, a decent divorce is the greatest tenderness that parents give to their children. Only in this way can children feel that although their parents are separated, their love has not left.
Loving, patient, and generous
In "Family with Children", Xia Xue, who has just come to her new home, has various resistances to her stepmother Liu Mei.
At the dinner table, Liu Mei enthusiastically gave Xiao Xue a dish, but Xiao Xue did not appreciate it: "I don't need to eat with the help of others." ”
Liu Mei carefully prepared items for her, but Xiao Xue said: "I don't like pillow towels, I use it as a foot cloth." ”
Liu Mei, who has been repeatedly frustrated, feels aggrieved, but under the comfort of Xia Donghai, the two people reached a consensus, that is, the "eight-character policy": "love, patience, and leniency!" ”
After a period of hard work, Xiao Xue's attitude towards Liu Mei finally changed, and she called out "Mom" with tears in her eyes.
Studies have shown that restructured families must have an adaptation period.
In the face of a parent who is not related by blood, it is normal for the child to have a resistance. But people's hearts are always long, if you can give children a little more tolerance, I believe that children will gradually open their hearts.
In fact, at this point, Li Yapeng did a really good job.
As Dou Jingtong's stepfather, Li Yapeng can be said to be dedicated.
In order to transfer schools for Dou Jingtong, Li Yapeng waited for 3 hours at the gate of Beijing No. 4 Middle School.
When Dou Jingtong returned from studying abroad, Li Yapeng took Li Yan to celebrate her birthday:
Although Li Yapeng and Faye Wong later divorced, Dou Jingtong still called Li Yapeng "Dad"!
I would like to ask, how can this be done without the love and tolerance of the heart and lungs?
Try to cooperate as much as possible and don't be absent on the way to educating your child
For a child, both fatherly and maternal love are indispensable. Therefore, although the husband and wife are divorced, they should try to cooperate as much as possible and not let one party be absent on the way to educating the child.
After the divorce, Li Yan has been living with Li Yapeng. As a father, he never neglected the company of his daughter:
At the age of 3, Li Yapeng recited the Diamond Sutra to Li Yan every night before going to bed;
When he was 5 years old, he took Li Yan to climb the mountain and climbed 14 kilometers in one go;
Accompany Li Yan's birthday:
Accompany your daughter to see the exhibition:
Take your daughter to see the world:
Sometimes there is too much work, so I take my daughter to the work site.
The common companionship of parents is the best spiritual nourishment for children.
Looking at Li Yan, who is gradually growing up, we can also see that this girl has become more and more confident and sunny.
Behind this, it is naturally inseparable from the love and companionship of parents, since it is impossible to be a loving couple, it is necessary to be a responsible parent.
04.
In fact, whether a child can grow up healthily has little to do with whether or not to divorce his parents and no longer marry, but has a lot to do with whether the family has a love atmosphere.
Even if it is a complete family, if this family does not have love, the child will be hurt.
Remember the lyrics of the song "The Best Future" that sang: Every child should be pampered, they are our future.
And for the restructured family, the children are still pampered, which is their best future.
I hope that parents can remember: the misfortune of marriage, do not let the child pay.
We can't give our children a complete home, but we can still be good parents and give our children double love.
About the author: Yue Yue, a Buddhist mother who pursues "Qinqi calligraphy and painting poetry hops, chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea".
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