Author | Fan Deng Reading · A corner of the heart
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Ah Cheng
Writer Li Ao said:
"No matter what I encounter in my life, I am not angry, I play with you. People who live longer are the bigger winners. ”
In life, no one can go smoothly for a lifetime, and will always encounter various setbacks and difficulties, even accidents and blows.
Some people will collapse and cry, some people will panic, but there are still people who are never shocked.
Yale Psychology Professor Susan said:
"We are the masters of emotions, and when our wisdom and inner feelings are reconciled, and when the behaviors we make are consistent with our values, we can overcome our emotions and cultivate into a better version of ourselves."
Stable emotions are the best nourishment for life.
German medical scientist C. W. Hofland said:
"Of all the adverse effects on man, the most short-lived are bad emotions and bad moods, such as worry, decadence, fear, greed, cowardice..."
We are all ordinary people with seven passions and six desires, and if there is happiness, there will be sadness, and there will be expectations when there is sorrow, which is normal.
But if you let yourself get too caught up in emotions, especially negative emotions, you are irresponsible.
A few days ago, I blocked the WeChat of my friend Xiaoxuan, who has been with me for many years.
Because I really don't want to be affected by her negative energy.
Xiao Xuan always posts long articles in the circle of friends in the middle of the night, hurting Chen's mother-in-law for not helping with the children, blaming her husband for not understanding and considerate, and complaining about her son's disobedience and poor grades.
Once or twice, I will comfort her twice.
Later, it was found that she was going to cry once every three days and was completely caught in the emotional vortex of the "victim".
Xiao Xuan, who was originally brilliant, also became deep in the eye socket because of the toss of not sleeping late at night.
The disheveled appearance made her friends reluctant to go near her.
Even once, Xiao Xuan directly sent a small video of crying in the small group, everyone remained silent, and no one dared to take the stubble.
Because once who comforts her, she is like grasping the life-saving straw, 60 seconds of voice crying one after another, no one can resist ah!
Life is always full of joys and sorrows, and everyone will encounter all kinds of unpleasant things.
But we can choose to face it with a smile, rather than having an emotional breakdown because we are not satisfied at all, or even be depressed in our hearts for a long time.
This kind of emotional internal friction will ultimately hurt yourself, and it will make you unable to see the future direction.
Writer Xue Xiaochan said:
"Life has always been like this, as light as a feather, but as heavy as Tarzan, the key is to see what kind of state of mind to take, to hold up this lever called life."
Lifting well is lifting a heavy weight; if you lift it badly, it is Tarzan pressing the top. ”
Smart people understand that don't let Tarzan crush the top, but to lift the weight lightly.
Only in this way will life suddenly open up.
Allowing yourself to have a more stable emotional state is the greatest responsibility for yourself.
World Potential Motivation Guru Anthony Robin said:
"The secret of a great life is to know how to control the power of emotion, not to be countered by this force."
Looking at those who have been successful in some fields, most of them have stable emotions, and they will not be easily affected by emotions to make decisions, and they will not be constrained by emotions.
We ordinary people may not be able to control our emotions so freely.
But at least you shouldn't let your emotions hurt others, this is the minimum respect for others.
There was a news story some time ago.
Ms. Jiang from Chongqing wanted to do a wedding, so she paid a deposit of 3500 yuan at a wedding dress shop.
Later, Because of her pregnancy, Ms. Jiang gained a lot of weight, so she didn't want to do a wedding and wanted to return the deposit with the wedding shop.
However, the wedding dress shop did not agree to return, on the grounds that the deposit had been paid to the host, cameraman and other staff, and at that time, the contract between the two parties agreed that the deposit would not be refunded.
After Ms. Jiang asked for several times without success, she took the scissors and cut the 32 wedding dresses in the wedding dress shop, while cutting them back and shouting: "How many thousands? Tens of thousands can, dare to bully me..."
At that moment, Ms. Jiang could not control her emotions completely, and only wanted to vent her dissatisfaction by cutting the wedding dress.
Even if the clerk of the wedding dress shop reminded her, she still couldn't calm Ms. Jiang down, until the wedding dress shop began to go through the legal process, and she realized that she had done something wrong.
In doing so, Ms. Jiang not only infringed on the interests of the wedding dress shop, but also put herself in a passive situation.
If you don't compensate others for your losses, this matter will not be closed.
Sanmao said in "Send You a Horse":
"The heart is like a thousand miles, thousands of miles away, and there is no boat that can cross people, except for self-crossing, others cannot help."
It is normal to have emotions, but it is the most stupid act to vent emotions on others, and in the end, the biggest loss is yourself.
Truly intelligent people know how to control the emotions that spew out and use reason to solve problems.
Only by not hurting others can we interact benignly in the process of getting along with others, respect others and take care of ourselves.
The British writer Dickens said:
"The soundness of the emotional mindset is more powerful than a hundred kinds of wisdom."
Emotionally unstable people are like firecrackers that can explode at any moment.
No one knows when he will blow up, much less how far it will blow up.
Only those who can always maintain a stable mood will gain more in the journey of life and can go further.
1. Be aware of emotions and accept their existence
Susan Davey, a psychology professor at Harvard Medical School, wrote in Controllable Emotions:
"Emotions are just reactions to the surrounding environment, and what kind of environment you see, what kind of emotions you will show."
Seven passions and six desires exist in everyone, and we do not need to avoid it, but we must accept the reaction of each emotion.
Whether it is depressed or sad, or painful and sad.
As we grow up, we gradually learn to be aware of every emotion, the flow of our bodies and our minds.
On the basis of allowing emotions to exist, we can more clearly perceive the dynamic process of the whole emotion from beginning to end.
2. Dissolve emotions and allow for emotional ups and downs
Japanese writer Haruki Murakami said:
"No matter what people around the world say, I think my feelings are the right ones, and no matter what other people think, I never disrupt my rhythm."
We do not ask ourselves to be "robots" without emotions, but we must allow emotions to fluctuate, which is our bridge with the wind, frost, rain and snow of the outside world.
On this basis, we must firmly be the masters of emotions, gradually learn to dissolve the influence of bad emotions on the body and mind, and slowly coexist peacefully with emotions.
With the passage of time, we must know how to resolve emotions and use positive emotions to lead our own growth and progress.
3. Control emotions and eliminate the influence of emotions
Mr. Yang Dai said in the "100-year-old Testimonial":
"I used to be so eager for the waves of fate, and in the end I found that the most beautiful scenery of life was the calmness and calmness of my heart."
I had so much expected the approval of the outside world that I finally realized that the world was my own and had nothing to do with outsiders. ”
When we have experienced various stages of life and truly experienced a variety of sour, sweet, bitter and salty, we will know how to control our emotions better, so as to reduce the impact of negative emotions on ourselves.
No matter how big the wind and frost are, no matter how big the rain and snow are, they are not afraid.
The more calm and calm you are, the more you can control your emotions at the moment.
Writer Lin Qingxuan said:
"The mind that turns with the state is ordinary, and the state that turns with the heart is the sage."
From ancient times to the present, there are few sages and ordinary people abound.
The root cause is whether it can maintain emotional stability.
We do not aspire to be sages whose hearts are like water, but we should at least work in the direction of emotional stability.
When we maintain a state of emotion that is not insulted at all times, we can feel the happiness of life in our hands.
Click "Watching" and may we all be emotionally stable adults.
Author | A corner of the heart, a freelance writer, a child psychology researcher, with a heart for life, handwriting insights into human nature.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
音乐 | No Way To Go Home