To love someone is to get the other person, began to suffer from gain and loss, afraid that the other party will leave one day, and the love that was hard to manage was destroyed.
Love is like this, when you don't get it, you don't feel anything, and when you get it, you will start to feel anxious about a lot of uncertain things, especially about the unknowns of the future.
So we start to put more pressure on ourselves and start thinking about what to do to ensure that the other person will stay by our side for the rest of their lives.
Is it to give wholeheartedly, to control, or to be good to each other regardless of cost?
In fact, these are not ways to stabilize a relationship, everything has its own laws of development, and there is no point in demanding.
Don't worry, men will not leave you, everything is fixed.
Women who constantly improve themselves never worry about who is leaving
I was very impressed when I was in college, when I was afraid that I was not in line with the group, I desperately catered to others, helped to take the courier, brought food, as long as someone proposed a dinner, there would definitely be my figure.
I thought that as long as I maintained friendship "conscientiously", there would be no shortage of friends.
It turns out that it was just my "self-righteousness" and "self-touching", and others just regarded me as a follower who came and went as soon as I was called, and they never regarded me as a friend.
So, I began to clean up my social circle, and also began to be alone, although it was a little difficult, but I got used to it and liked this kind of unattended and comfortable life.
In the final exams, I achieved the first place in my class with my own efforts.
At the beginning of the second semester, I was still alone, and interesting things, people who had previously ignored me began to get acquainted with me, on the grounds that I could help them provide revision materials during the make-up exams.
You see, when a person is useless, he is always worried about this leaving, that leaving, and when he is strong, he does not need to worry, and others will come to him.
Friendship is like this, and love is naturally like this.
Yang Lan once said: "In the face of an ever-changing world, we must have the ability to adjust ourselves and continuously learn. If you are always solidified in a circle, life will lack a lot of fun and will lose a lot of opportunities. ”
When we constantly improve ourselves, we have value, we have capital, at this time we are irreplaceable, naturally we will not worry about the departure of men.
A woman's behavior will determine whether a man will eventually stay or not
We are always filled with fear of those unknown things, and these are all from the anxieties that come from the depths of our hearts.
As Barlow explains in Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders, "The function of anxiety is to warn of potentially dangerous situations and to stimulate intrinsic psychological mechanisms. ”
It's about the fact that we feel that a relationship is uncertain, so we are anxious because we are afraid of losing it.
Aunt Xu in the TV series "An Jia" was particularly kind to Zhang Chengcheng at the beginning, and in order to be able to share an extra house, he even agreed to the other party's request for a fake divorce.
When they first owned the new house, Zhang Chengcheng betrayed him and was caught in bed by Aunt Xu.
Aunt Xu loves Zhang Chengcheng very much, but he also has his own principles and bottom line, so no matter how Much Zhang Chengcheng cries and asks for forgiveness, Aunt Xu is indifferent.
If Zhang Chengcheng's heart was always on Aunt Xu's body and had never done those things that went out of the ordinary, how could Aunt Xu leave her?
Time will determine who will be around us, and our actions will determine who will eventually stay.
Emotional things are never only related to one person, we hurt a person's heart, we never care about each other's feelings, in the long run, the departure of men has become a foregone conclusion, but it is a matter of time sooner or later.
Gathering and dispersing is arranged by fate, just go with the flow
There is a law of attraction in psychology, which means that when our field of thought is concentrated at a certain level, then people who are similar to this level will be attracted to it.
In short, what we think about will have a great chance of showing something in the end.
In a relationship between the sexes, everyone must be thinking about running the relationship well at the very beginning, and no one will talk about a relationship for the purpose of breaking up.
However, the future is full of variables, today I am not yesterday, what will the future become, how can we not predict the prophet?
Even if you feel that you will not leave, even if you feel that you will leave, it is just to add some unnecessary troubles to yourself.
Instead of suffering from gains and losses, it is better to adjust your mentality, cherish the present, and manage this relationship well, even if you will leave in the future, you will not feel regrets.
As Mr. Yang Dai once said: "I am ready to live with you for a lifetime and I am ready for you to leave at any time." I treat you with sincerity, but I don't cling to you, I live in fate, not in relationships. ”
The End -
Author | Psychological counselor Fu Dongsheng
The main writer of love and marriage psychology | Use psychology to analyze love, marriage, and life
WeChat public account: love marriage psychology