Produced by | Entrepreneurship is at the forefront
Author | Li Xiaofeng
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If you ask contemporary young people the most headaches during the Spring Festival, "being urged to marry" can definitely rank in the top three.
No, the blind date, which is closely related to the "urged marriage", arrived one step before the Spring Festival holiday. During the Spring Festival of the Year of the Tiger, before Chen Ting returned home from vacation, her family had already arranged a blind date for her.
During the Spring Festival, single men and women like Chen Ting fell into the anxiety of being urged to marry and the panic of age. Whether it is a small-town youth or an urban white-collar worker, a group of men and women struggle and struggle in blind dates.
However, it is not easy to find a suitable person from the vast sea of people. Lucky people have found their other half through blind dates, while many people are still running on the road to blind dates. As the number of blind dates increases, the confidence of young people is also collapsing little by little.
What makes them cry and laugh is the many dog blood and embarrassing bridges that happened during the blind date.
In fact, in the eyes of contemporary young people, it is difficult to find a lover, it is relatively easy to find a person to marry, and it is even more difficult to find a lover to marry. So, do you want to compromise? Should I get married for the sake of getting married? When these thoughts flashed through the minds of young people, they were then violently denied.
Did you go on a blind date during the Spring Festival? Come, here's a copy of the "Guide to Contemporary Youth Blind Dates" that people who have come over.
1. Contemporary blind dates for men and women
Times have advanced, and there are more ways for men and women to meet each other, but blind dates are still one of the most reliable ways. However, young people have very different attitudes towards this way of making friends.
"Blind date is like a matching game, which is mixed with worldliness, materialism and other things, and it is not pure at all." Wang Jiajia, a post-90s white-collar worker in Beijing, told "the forefront of entrepreneurship".
Wang Jiajia has a kind of literary and artistic young woman temperament, the concept of love is more or less influenced by literary works, she believes that a love should begin with a beautiful encounter or a dramatic misunderstanding, rather than a traditional, deliberately organized blind date, advocating romance, she is also the most resistant to the form of blind date.
Meng Fan's attitude towards blind dates is between exclusion and acceptance.
"I reject blind dates arranged by my parents, but I accept the form of dating software." Meng Fan said.
Meng Fan's parents are working in public institutions, he himself studied for a master's degree in Australia, returned to China after graduation to engage in financial work, and has a house and a car in Beijing.
When arranging blind dates, Meng Fan's parents pay more attention to door-to-door pairs, and when choosing blind dates, they often focus on family, work, education and other conditions. "For example, my parents are in the system, they feel that the people in the system are more compatible, and there is a high probability that they will not find a family that does business."
Meng Fan himself pays more attention to the eye rim, and then screens it from the dimensions of academic qualifications and economic conditions. He once used the Zhen'ai Network and the "Single Youth Self-Help Platform" Mini Program, and successfully got rid of the single.
Among the young people on blind dates, Li Yu, who works in public institutions in Jinan City, is an exception. "I'm the kind of person who doesn't particularly dislike blind dates, it's a form of dating, don't look at blind dates with colored glasses."
When it comes to blind dates, many people will link it with "can't marry out", but Li Yu feels that one of the reasons for being single is that there is no suitable candidate in his social circle, and it is better to expand his social circle through blind dates than to wait.
Since graduating from college in 2015, Li Yu's blind date has begun, and she has seen more than 30 blind dates so far.
The almost negligible cost is also one of the reasons why Li Yu does not reject blind dates. "Men and women find a place to sit and have a bite to eat and chat, and I'm just a listener and I don't have to pay anything for it."
There are also a large number of young people, under the panic of age and the pressure of the outside world, have changed their attitudes towards blind dates and joined the blind date army.
In the early years, Xia Yiyi imagined love as a very beautiful thing, thinking that the other half she met was the most romantic, but reality did not create the ideal conditions for her to meet. She is a teacher in a county town in Hebei Province, staying at school on weekdays and returning home on weekends, and her limited working and living environment has led to her not having much contact with the outside world of the opposite sex.
"Wait for a boyfriend to fall from the sky?" That's impossible. When Xia Yiyi soberly realized this, she also accepted the blind date.
Looking back on her original thoughts now, she only felt that she was so naïve. "It doesn't hurt to see more people, and it doesn't hurt to see more people before you know what you want." It's like buying clothes without looking at how to know which one is your favorite. ”
Dai Hui, who is also a teacher, also admitted that she initially rejected blind dates because she was too idealistic, and felt that blind dates were like marking the price of herself as a commodity and then looking for a commodity of equal value.
Not meeting the person he likes, and the family is tight, which has become a source of anxiety for Dai Hui for a long time. "As I get older, I get more and more panicked, and I slowly feel that blind dates are good, what if I can meet the right one?"
Therefore, in the midst of anxiety, many young people like Dai Hui accepted the blind date. "Don't be afraid of blind dates, sooner or later you have to take this step." Dai Hui said.
2. What kind of other half do you want to find?
Accepting a blind date is only the first step in the "Long March". Soon, the young people who crossed the threshold of blind dates encountered a second question: What kind of other half do you want to find?
Young people always take appearance so seriously. In the early years, Dai Hui paid attention to the appearance of the other half, "I wanted to find a good-looking, similar in size, but ignored the material conditions." ”
But at the age of 30, she no longer wants more than just heartbeat. After the blind date, Dai Hui began to pay attention to the material conditions of the other party, and she hoped that the other party would have a house, a car and no loan.
"If I'm a few years younger and a person is nice to me, I might ignore material conditions, but at my age, there are very few people who are good to me, so why should I ignore material conditions?" Dai Hui said.
Ancient intermarriage was a door-to-door approach, and this set of criteria is still applicable today. Even, compared with free love, it can be said that the basis of blind dates is the door to door.
Li Yu divides the blind date process into three levels.
The first level is the condition review link, the matchmaker introduces each other's information to both men and women, such as work, education, family economic conditions, etc., and both parties are satisfied before entering the meeting link. Most of the matchmakers introduce blind dates of equal conditions, so not many people are stuck at this level.
The other half of Li Yu's ideal is best to be right with her own door, and at the same time, she also has a fluctuation range in her heart, and the other party's conditions can be slightly worse, but it must not exceed the lower limit of her acceptance.
"I don't quite understand the person who chooses to be backward compatible, because it's not just this person who is compatible, but also his family, which brings a lot of contradictions and conflicts." Li Yu said.
Although Meng Fan does not strictly abide by the rules of door-to-door matching like his parents, he also hopes that his other half is roughly on par with himself. At the same time, he believes that he is not a particularly motivated person, and he is influenced by traditional ideas, so he hopes that his girlfriend's conditions are not much better than his own.
For example, Meng Fan has a master's degree and hopes that the other half will have at least a bachelor's degree. "If the two sides have too much difference in academic qualifications, there will be obstacles to communication, and we can't talk about one level." In the eyes of men, communication is still very important. Meng Fan believes that not all men want to be worshipped, and they prefer that both sides can communicate equally than this.
After the external material conditions have passed, the process of young people investigating blind dates continues.
In Li Yu's division of the blind date, the second level is to meet, the purpose is to see the appearance of the other party, through the relationship to observe their behavior. The third level is communication, to see if the ideas of both sides are on the same level.
First of all, the hardware conditions, followed by appearance, and then the ideological level, Li Yu believes that from these three dimensions, you can choose the person who can accompany you throughout your life.
"I have always felt that a person's words and deeds, thoughts and behaviors and behavior in the world all highlight his growth background, and I can also see the general development of his future development." Li Yu said.
Li Yu has a small book in her heart, and the extra points and subtractions of the blind date will be recorded by her in this book, and some people even have no chance to subtract points and are directly drawn by her on a fork.
But man is a complex animal, and sensibility and reason are intertwined, so it is impossible to treat all people according to the same set of standards. For example, Li Yu, when encountering people who have no feelings, will be implemented according to this set of standards, and when encountering people who like it, the bottom line of this set of standards will be moderately relaxed.
Li Yu once went on a blind date with a very handsome boy, and they had already taken a seat at dinner, but the other party had to let the waiter change to another position.
"I think it's very rude to cause trouble to people for no reason, and I giggled a little in my heart and wrote a small note in this book." Li Yu said. But because this boy has a higher appearance, she still left a chance for the other party.
However, at the end of the meal, the boy fished for something on the plate to eat, which was contrary to the family education that Li Yu had received since childhood, and Li Yu completely drew a big cross for him.
If Li Yu is rational and dominant, maintaining a sober cognition in his feelings, then Bai Jiajia is the opposite existence. She does not have too many rules and regulations for her ideal other half, but relies on feelings. "If I have feelings for a guy, then I'm going to like him very much.
Unlike pure love in school, adult blind dates also have a measure of external conditions such as economy, work, and education, which also increases the difficulty of finding a suitable partner.
3. Awkward bridge with dog blood
"Do you want a blind date?" Then you have to have thick skin. Wei Xi wrote this in the novel "The Wife of Chaff" when describing the embarrassing scene of a man and a woman dating.
Real-life blind dates are also accompanied by countless embarrassing, dog-blood bridge sections, so that young people have developed a strong psychological endurance.
"It's so boring." Zhang Xing commented on his first blind date experience, which was not at all the same as he imagined.
It was 5 years ago, he had just graduated from college, and his relatives learned that he had no object and had to introduce him. Out of curiosity about the blind date, Zhang Xing not only did not refuse, but was a little expectant. Unexpectedly, the whole blind date process was filled with an awkward atmosphere. "Both sides brought their parents, and the girl's father drank and kept praising how good his daughter was, and the more I did, the more disgusted I became." Zhang Xing said.
Li Yu, a Jinan girl who has been on blind dates for more than 30 times, has experienced various embarrassing and wordless moments and "strange" blind dates in blind dates.
"Some people I've forgotten what he looked like, but what he did still makes me remember it vividly, and I still want to laugh every time I think about it." Li Yu said.
Once, her blind date asked her to meet at 7 p.m. at the largest local business district. In Li Yu's cognition, just in time for the meal, and about in the business circle, the two sides will definitely eat together, no matter how bad it is, they will drink a cup of coffee and eat a cake together, so she went to the appointment on an empty stomach.
After the meeting, the boy actually invited Li Yu to go for a walk in the park opposite the mall. "Just like that, I was hungry at dinner and accompanied him around the park twice. We informed each other of our information and growth experiences, and we went home separately, and he didn't say send me home. ”
Out of courtesy, Li Yu told the other party that he had arrived home safely after arriving home, and the other party only replied with three words: "Got it." "There is no more following.
Li Yu's friends have also met more bizarre blind dates.
At 11:00 p.m. the first night, the boy temporarily asked Li Yu's friend to watch a movie at 9 a.m. the next morning. After Li Yu's friend arrived at the scene, he found that the boy was still carrying his sister.
"He didn't ask my friend's opinion, and directly ordered a movie, but at that time, the movie was about to be taken down, the website already had genuine resources, and my friend had already seen it, and later learned that it was the boy's sister who wanted to see this movie." Li Yu said.
"Everything reveals disrespect." Li Yu added.
Later, the boy also contacted Li Yu's friends. Li Yu speculated that this proved that the other party was not deliberately caused by this embarrassing accident because he did not like girls, and the probability was that his emotional intelligence was not high.
In contrast, Dai Hui has also met more infuriating blind dates.
One of her blind dates once smeared her in front of a matchmaker. Dai Hui had already made it clear to the other party that the two were not suitable, but the other party replied: "I like you is my business." ”
"I didn't expect him to run to the matchmaker later and say that I was hanging him, but in fact, I was already very cooperative with him." Dai Hui said.
In addition to encountering unreliable blind dates, the family's incomprehension often makes young people more anxious.
On New Year's Day 2020, Dai Hui went on a blind date with the son of a bureau chief in the county town, talked for a month and found it inappropriate, so they separated. The family felt it was her problem and criticized her for being picky. "The conditions in our house are so far from those of others that they don't understand me." This made Dai Hui tired of blind dates.
He Qingyu, who works in Beijing, has a similar experience. Last year, she was given a blind date with a boy from her hometown. Their hometown is only a few kilometers apart, the man's family conditions are good, opened a small company in Beijing, earned just a little more than He Qingyu, and the two also intersected in work.
From the hardware point of view, He Qingyu's mother feels that the two are very suitable. "But I think this boy is too irresponsible."
In the month that the two spent together, He Qingyu felt that the other party was like a sentimental little girl, thinking a lot. "He told me later that when I was chatting, I was always thinking about whether I was interested in this topic and felt that I was very humble," He Qingyu said, "but I never made any demands on him, everything was made up by his own brain." ”
Sometimes He Qingyu is busy with work and fails to reply to WeChat in time, but the other party will think more. "Between him and his job, I would definitely leave him to take care of the work, and judging by our relationship, he is not worth my influence on the work for him." Most importantly, He Qingyu felt that the time between the two sides could always be coordinated, and there was no need to argue about whether to reply to the message in time.
After the two broke off contact, He Qingyu's mother could not understand and advised her to think again, and she convinced her mother with only one sentence.
He Qingyu said, "He is my father's type of person. Her mother stopped talking for an instant.
The blind date process is not all unpleasant, and there are also young people who fall in love with each other at first sight during the blind date, and "brain supplement" a romantic idol drama, but unfortunately most of the reality ends in disappointment.
Among Li Yu's more than 30 blind dates, the one that moved her the most was a boy who looked like young actor Yang Yang.
"I was so excited to see him for the first time, I felt pink bubbles all around me, and I even thought about where I would go on my next date." In addition to his appearance, the boy's academic qualifications, work and other external conditions have made Li Yu very satisfied.
But unfortunately, the other party did not have any interest in Li Yu. After the date, Li Yu plucked up the courage to say to him on WeChat: "Thank you for inviting me to dinner, and I will invite you another day to see when you have time." ”
The other person replied: "Besides, I've been busy lately." ”
From this sentence, Li Yu understood the meaning of the other party and silently drew an end to the relationship. "The adult world is less outspoken and more of a tactful rejection." Li Yu said.
4. Do you still believe in love?
Blind dates are the process of constantly getting to know new people and constantly abandoning old people, and many people appear in the lives of young people and then go again, which makes them tired.
The repeated blind date countless times did not usher in a good result, but at the urging of the family, they had to continue the blind date, which made young people resist the blind date. For a while, Dai Hui's blind date was to cope with things, meet together, eat a meal and complete the task.
She spent about a month with her last blind date, seeing each other once a week for more than an hour, and immediately returning home after eating. Even so, meeting people she didn't like made Dai Hui feel like she was completing a difficult task, feeling stressed and anxious.
In the county town, Dai Hui's good work and family conditions have given her an advantageous position in the blind date field. However, there was still a gap in her blind date.
"Maybe everyone sees that I've always been so picky, and they don't want to introduce me." Dai Hui remembered that for a period of time no one had introduced her to a new object for a whole month. She felt abandoned by the matchmakers, so she doubted herself even more.
After the pain of blind dates, young people's confidence in finding love is gradually worn away. Do you want to compromise? Someone had such a thought flashing through their minds, and then they were fiercely denied by themselves.
Friends around Li Yu had advised her not to be too picky. She was not particularly satisfied with the appearance of a blind date, and friends listed various advantages of the blind date, such as education, work, income, character, etc.
"Friends say that it is better to get married and live a life depending on the habits." Li Yu said. Under the persuasion of her friends, she almost doubted her persistence. Fortunately, she was still awake later. "I'm still looking forward to the future, and I'm sure I'll meet someone I like and the right person."
Li Yu's experience as a female friend also gave her the strength to persist in finding love. Her friend has a master's degree from 985 and 211 universities, works in government agencies and institutions, has a stable income, and has good family conditions, but she is still unmarried at the age of 37.
"She has insisted on love for so many years, and the outside world has already abandoned her. But recently she finally decided to get married, and I believe she met love. Li Yu said.
If the Scythians are rainbows, they know that there is a party. This group of people represented by Li Yu still firmly believes in the existence of love and spares no effort to find it.
"If I didn't believe in love, why did I get along for so long and not get married, I would have given in a long time ago, and the conditions were much better than his." 」 Xia Yiyi said.
She has been with her current blind date for more than a year and has been urged to marry by her family many times. But she always felt that it was not the right time, and the two still needed to run into each other. Xia Yiyi felt that she should get married if she wanted to get married, rather than getting married when she needed to get married.
But there are also a group of people who no longer have expectations for love.
Chen Ting, a post-90s person working in Shanghai, currently has one of her biggest wishes for a successful blind date. When she returned to her hometown for a blind date on National Day in 2021, she made a clear plan for her blind date.
"After the success of the eleventh blind date, I can get engaged during the Spring Festival, and after a few years, I resigned from Shanghai and returned to my hometown to get married." Chen Ting once said. She feels that love is a flashy thing, and she wants to quickly find a suitable other half than to pursue love.
Blind dates continue to gain hope and disappointment in blind dates, and so on, and so on, until the day of "going ashore".
However, for many young people today, the concept of marriage and love has long been very different from the past - today's blind date is only a way to know another person, does not mean that they compromise with "being urged to marry", and marriage is not the only way. In the end, marriage is not the only way to achieve happiness, and celibacy is not a "miserable loner", what we ultimately want to find is a lifestyle that suits us, "making yourself happy inside is the only meaning".
*The pictures in this article are from the photo network and are based on the VRF protocol.