Shenrancaijing original
Author | Zou Shuai
Edit | Tang Yahua
"How many red envelopes do I have to give to my parents when I come home for the New Year?"
"Won't it hurt your heart to send red envelopes for the New Year?"
"After handing out the red envelope, there are few year-end awards and performance left."
The Spring Festival holiday has insufficient balance, is your wallet okay?
Young people who have been working outside for a year are surprised and happy to return to their hometowns for the Spring Festival. The joy is the family reunion, the mother is kind and filial piety, and the surprise is to send a red envelope, carefully calculated, at least 20,000.
Years ago, shen burned on major social platforms, saw many young people who poured out their troubles and could not understand the "Spring Festival account".
Some of them have just joined the work, do not know what is the "back-feeding rule", how many red envelopes are appropriate for their parents, do they need to give meaning to other elders? Some people have just experienced a wave of layoffs, and their work and life are a mess, but they don't want to disappoint their parents and have to send red envelopes hard. There are also people who are newly married, who already bear car loans, housing loans, and double the cost of human relations.
Most of the suffering of young people stems from the customs of their hometowns, and there are some unnecessary "moral kidnappings". Some people said that they should have been happy to go home for the New Year, but the thought of spending a month's salary, or even a year-end bonus, was quite stressful.
The year is coming to an end, and many young people cry on the Internet that "the New Year spends money like water". A netizen calculated the account of this Spring Festival: 5,000 yuan for the New Year subsidy at home, 7,000 yuan for red envelopes, 2,000 yuan for parents to buy gifts, 3,000 yuan for emergencies, "There are two days left on the holiday, and the balance is 200." "The money that should be spent, the money that should not be spent, must be spent in the end."
Headed by the 100th festival year, There is nothing wrong with Tujili and the head of the lottery. However, gifts or red envelopes are all tools for expressing love during the Spring Festival, and should not become shackles.
In the next year, "tens of thousands of dollars are gone"
Shen Yan communicated with a number of young people working in first- and second-tier cities, and summed up several major expenses of returning to their hometown for the New Year: filial piety to parents, visiting relatives and friends, personal contacts, buying New Year goods, and pressing old money.
For Yang Xiao, who has just been married for three years, the New Year expenses she and her lover have to bear are many and complicated, or double. "Every New Year," I buy my parents a full set of new clothes and buy New Year goods." Yang Xiao calculated, plus giving his parents a red envelope of 1,000 yuan to 2,000 yuan, and the pressure money for relatives and children, the cost must have exceeded 10,000. Yang Xiao's lover's side also cost tens of thousands of yuan.
Pressing the old money is the most headache link for Yang Xiao and his lover. Yang Xiao summed up to the deep burning, and divided the pressure money into two parts: active and passive. "The initiative is to give the two of us the closest children in each family, 3 or 4 children to give, adding up to 4,000 yuan." She said that the money she took the initiative to give, plus the money given to her parents, was already within the budget of family expenditure.
Passive pressure on the old money has brought a lot of pressure to Yang Xiao and his lover. "Back to the hometown, there will often be relatives who are not very familiar with each other, and even can not be called to visit the New Year, one person with a few children, for the newly married two, do not give the old money and say that it is not past." Yang Xiao still remembers the year when he first got married, his lover came to the door as a new son-in-law, "more than 10 children came, greeted for an hour, and spent 2,000 yuan." ”
Image source / Pexels
Yang Xiao said frankly that economically speaking, returning to his hometown for the Spring Festival is not a completely stress-relieving thing. "Before the New Year, we must set aside budget funds early, such as setting aside 20,000 yuan per year for the New Year's flowers, in addition to some mobile funds to prevent unexpected situations."
However, she and her lover have been in place for two consecutive years. To a certain extent, the local New Year has reduced the economic burden of the two people, "at least some passive face money does not have to be spent, but even so, the money that should be spent still has to be spent, and it also costs a month's salary." ”
According to the "Insight into the New Trend of the 2022 Young People's New Year" jointly released by a number of institutions, young people are taking over the right to purchase New Year goods, and nearly 40% of the New Year's goods takeaway are ordered by post-95s.
This is obviously not surprising. Young people gradually provoke the beam of family income, and the pressure of expenditure such as new year goods purchase and personal exchanges will naturally fall on young people. "It's always young people who spend money, and when we were young, our parents who were busy buying New Year goods were also young people." Chen Qian, 26, understands why his wallet was hollowed out in the next year.
2021 is the third year of Chen Qian's work in Hangzhou, and this year's Spring Festival she suddenly has the awareness that "gifts should be given as an adult".
"I bought a toothbrush and a Gift Box for the homeroom teacher who treated me well in junior high school, 800 yuan; the classmates just gave birth to a child, bought a gift of 695 yuan, and bought a massager for friends who danced together, 490 yuan." There are also parents, the elderly in the family, relatives bought a bunch of gifts, but also bought new year goods for the family, counting down to a few thousand. ”
She reluctantly said that because she did not leave a budget for the new year's expenses, this pass was far beyond her range.
Many young people also feel that gifts are getting more and more rolled up now. Chen Qian said that he sent a toothbrush to the junior high school class teacher because the other party was a locally respected teacher, "There are many people who send flowers and fruits to her in the New Year, and the gifts should be special." ”
Compared with the era of lulu, tobacco and alcohol, new consumer brands are now pouring into the gift list of young people. Toothbrushes, electric toothbrushes, traceless underwear, blind boxes, etc., are more expensive than the same, and young people who pursue "novelty" and "special" are getting deeper and deeper in the vortex of price.
If you go back to your hometown, the cost is higher than staying in the first- and second-tier cities for the New Year, Chen Qian concluded, because there are endless people's money everywhere, and at the end of the year, on her birthday, a friend opened a dessert studio in her hometown, and she ordered a cake. "Went to chat in advance, ate a few small snacks by the way, and added more than 100 yuan to the cake money, making up 300 yuan." Buy the same size cake in first-tier cities, 200 yuan also came down. ”
When I was a child, I thought that adults could not erase their faces to give gifts and send red envelopes, which was ridiculous, and now they fell on themselves, but it was also difficult to put down the weight of human feelings.
Chen Qian wasn't sure if she was "swollen face and fat", but she looked at her balance and told Shen Yan: "You have to pay your salary years ago, otherwise you will be in debt." ”
Emptying the wallet, also hollowing out the "brain cells"
In the new year, spending money is like running water. But in any case, giving gifts and giving red envelopes is a topic that Chinese is difficult to escape during the Spring Festival.
In the "2021-2022 China Gift Economy Industry Research and User Consumption Behavior Analysis Report" released by Ai Media Consulting, it is said that more than 70% of China's gift economy users believe that they should send gifts to parents, parents-in-law, children and grandparents at least once a year, and believe that emotions for their families need to be expressed through gifts. The traditional festivals represented by the Spring Festival are often the peak period for gift-giving.
The young man hollowed out his mind before he emptied his wallet. Near the end of the year, many netizens posted on social platforms, saying that they were distressed about returning to their hometown to send red envelopes and gifts. Dou Donghui, an associate professor at the Department of Psychology at the Central University of Finance and Economics, explained that the confusion of many young people boils down to three questions: the first is how much to give, the second is how to give, and the third is how to maximize the effect of this gift and avoid "good intentions do bad things".
Shen Yan observed on social platforms that many young people who have just entered society or have changed their jobs are struggling with how much money should be stuffed in red envelopes for their parents. Netizen Lisa has just graduated and worked for half a year, she posted that her salary is very low, but promised her mother to send a red envelope of 1,000 yuan to her grandmother this New Year. "I was wondering if I would give my parents 1,000 yuan each, but after they were all given, I would have no money."
This is not only Lisa's personal distress, many netizens in the comment area advised her not to be reckless, "The first year of work to send red envelopes to parents, parents will be very happy, is a sense of ceremony, but don't put too much pressure on yourself." ”
Image Source / Visual China
Chen Qian also faced the same anxiety. "I also looked for a lot of posts on the Internet to see how many red envelopes everyone gave to their parents. Referring to several netizens who work in first- and second-tier cities and have a similar economic level in their hometowns, their red envelopes to their parents basically do not have 1,000 yuan. ”
Not only that, she said, she also looked through the chat records with her parents, and saw that her parents thought that she was more expensive to buy, which inferred her parents' psychological expectations. In the end, she concluded that the red envelopes given to her parents, more than one-tenth of the monthly salary, were relatively safe.
There was another reason why Chen Qian was so entangled. "I have a classmate who gives his family 10,000 yuan every New Year from work. She is the eldest daughter of the family, with two younger sisters and a younger brother. Last year, because she signed up for a training class, the economic situation was not very good, did not give this money, the result of her parents also called to ask, but also said that her brother knows to give parents 3,000 yuan, why don't you give it? She listened to this and felt that her parents might have certain expectations for the New Year red envelope, so she must be well prepared.
Yang Xiao faces more entanglements. Because it is necessary to give many relatives' children money, "this red envelope is not given, nor is it given." She explained that when it comes to the step of relatives' children coming to visit the New Year, often she and her lover have spent 20,000 yuan, "10 children, we give each child 100 yuan, in the eyes of relatives is to cut the door." Yang Xiao recalled that when relatives saw that the child's red envelope was only 100 yuan, "the atmosphere was really delicate." ”
In addition to giving red envelopes, giving gifts also makes many young people headaches. Especially the gifts given to parents are either too expensive or useless, and many people rack their brains and think about how to send gifts to their parents. "I have sent my mother a lot of oral health products, as well as watches, massagers, smart speakers, etc., which I think are very practical. But my mother thinks that health care products can't think of drinking, waste; watches are not good-looking, do not wear; massagers will not be used, idle; smart speakers are not easy to use, eat ash. Through several battles with her parents, Lin Yan after the 90s has developed a "king kong is not bad body".
Mengjie is also a post-95 who has just worked, and her entanglement in giving gifts is how to give her parents gifts of equal value and equal usefulness. "But send different things, it is difficult to flatten the price, I have sent clothes before, the price of men's and women's clothing is different, which is cheap, I have to paste some other small things." 」
Emptying the wallet also hollows out the "brain cells". "That's probably what it's like to grow up." Chen Qian sighed.
Look for solutions
"Chinese society and traditional culture emphasize family affection, and young people express their thoughts and gratitude to their parents through gifts of cash or gifts, which is itself a manifestation of the motivation of a virtuous prosocial behavior (people voluntarily treat others well, have no obvious benefit to people themselves but are in line with social hopes). The quantity, form and effect of such gifts are related to many factors, including individual income, the economic situation of parents, the quality of parent-child relationships, local customs, social expectations, etc. "Dou Donghui to deep combustion analysis.
A large part of the netizens' complaints about emptying their wallets in the New Year come from the "moral kidnapping" in the name of customs, habits, and "auspicious figures".
Yang Xiao and his lover were deeply affected. She feels that many times it is to spend money to maintain face, "because relatives in the hometown will give young people working in first-tier cities a unique aura, and if you feel that you have a decent job, you should take out money to honor your elders, relatives, and even elders who have helped you." Yang Xiao hopes that going home for the New Year is to buy gifts for his loved ones from the heart, rather than being kidnapped by this kind of atmosphere.
Under the pressure, the young people began to resist. On social platforms, under the posts of young people pouring out their distress, there are often many netizens who form a faction and give posters a trick: "Thicker skin", "Do what you can", "Don't punch a swollen face and be fat".
Dou Donghui affirmed this from a psychological point of view. He believes that any economic behavior should follow the principle of living within the limits of what is needed and doing what is within one's means, and family gifts are no exception. "Don't blindly make social comparisons and put too much economic pressure on yourself to meet certain external worldly expectations."
After 90, Yuanyuan has worked in Beijing for many years, and she fixed 2,000 yuan in red envelopes for her parents every New Year's Day, and then bought some clothes and daily necessities for her parents. Yuanyuan xiang Shenyan said that she had never been bothered by these things, and her secret was to "not give her parents too high expectations." Yuanyuan explained that parents actually do not value money, the New Year to send red envelopes and gifts is just a lottery, express filial piety, if just work to take out a large amount of money to parents, "If you are unemployed in which year, how to deal with your parents' expectations? ”
Many young people told Shen Yan that there is also a very bad wind of comparison between relatives in the hometown, such as today my son bought me a dress, and tomorrow her daughter sent her a big red envelope. Compared to coming and going, giving gifts should also take into account the face of parents.
Dou Donghui reminds young people in the entanglement to pay attention to the "emotional account" rather than the "economic account". He explained that family gifts should be classified as "emotional accounts" rather than "economic accounts." The emotional account does not care about the amount of money, and cannot be compared, because each emotion is unique, while the "economic account" only emphasizes the value of the money, which is easy to compare with others. "Therefore, both children and parents should regard gifts as an expression of emotion, that is, 'heart'."
Lin Yan also summed up a gift "golden oil", that is, the heart is important. "I once bought a scarf for my mother, I said that I specially selected several picks, bought a little more expensive, this material is very good, know that you will cough in winter, this scarf can block the wind..." In short, be emotional, full of reasons, clarify the price, write a greeting card.
Writing greeting cards is Lin Yan's unique skill. Every holiday or birthday, she would hand-write greeting cards for her mother and say what she was usually embarrassed to say. "My mother saved the greeting cards I sent in a box, and occasionally took them out to taste one by one." Through this, Lin Yan feels that giving gifts is more sincere than sending red envelopes, "because gifts are placed by parents, belong to a tool to maintain emotions, and can also be used as a talking point during chat, talking about whether it is good to use and how to use it, but the red envelope is sent and there is no follow-up." ”
The above-mentioned ai media consulting report also shows that chinese gift economy users pay the most attention to the actual effect of the product when giving gifts to their families, accounting for 75.1%. Dou Donghui believes that sending money or gifts should vary from person to person. "Generally speaking, if parents have a stable income and security, it may be more appropriate to send some practical and intimate gifts, and if the parents have certain financial difficulties, the use of money may be more flexible."
Saying an auspicious word and asking for a good color should not only be expressed by bulging red envelopes and decent gifts. A wanderer who has worked hard for a year does not have to fight for face for a while, "novelty" is not as good as "heart", "decent" is not as good as "considerate".
Dou Donghui also reminded that gifts to parents can be turned into long-term, multi-point behaviors, and do not have to focus on the New Year. "Usually buying some gifts for parents or subsidizing some households, forming multiple psychological accounts for parents to benefit, helps to produce higher satisfaction, and is more conducive to the maintenance and consolidation of family affection."
*The caption is from Ode to Joy. At the request of the interviewees, Yang Xiao, Chen Qian, Meng Jie, Yuanyuan, Lisa, and Lin Yan were pseudonyms.