The popular Korean variety "Single is Hell" ends with flowers! Four pairs of men and women happy ending!
Although Song Zhiya's sister in the show has taken away most of our eyeballs by virtue of her beauty, it must be said that the highest sugar content here is the pair of cook Wen Shixun and sweet sister Shen Zhiyan!
This is a pair of CPs who have entered our vision with misunderstandings, but "Brother Cook" Wen Shixun is a perfect way to show us how to achieve the counterattack of licking the dog in three sentences.
Today I will take you to a good game of what magic he has.
Magic three sentences
"I can't force you to accept that, that's right."
If anyone doesn't know the premise of saying this, I'll tell you the story first.
When he first came to the show, the cook brother had already caused Some unintentional physical contact to Shen Zhiyan, which caused a misunderstanding of Shen Zhiyan.
Even because of this online there are a lot of criticisms of him.
Therefore, even if Wen Shixun is single-minded about Shen Zhiyan, Shen Zhiyan will more or less express the meaning of resistance.
Moon Se-hoon, on the other hand, showed respect for Shin throughout the process, especially on the last date, to win Shin's last back-of-the-counter election.
So after he expressed his love for Shin at this time, he expressed a point of view about the previous misunderstanding:
"I love you, but I'm not going to force you to like me."
This sentence undoubtedly shows how much you misunderstood me before, and in fact how much respect I have for you.
And the subtext of this sentence is that I am a person with boundaries, and I am more willing to respect you than to intrusive behavior. There is a saying that goes like this——— is a kind of ability to be far away, and it is a kind of wisdom to be close and not to enter."
Whether or not you can distinguish between the expectations of the other party and the self-requirements is actually a manifestation of a person's maturity.
So we will see that many people like to ask the other half, even control, PUA each other, in fact, these are self-awareness is not stable performance.
Psychological research has shown that an individual's self-consciousness takes about 20 years from occurrence and development to relative stability. Whether a person's mind is mature enough can also be revealed during this time.
People with a sense of boundaries are a unique charm.
But Wen Shixun also knows that he does not want to be a licking dog.
So he said the second sentence:
"I'm a little sad."
In intimate relationships, we often make mistakes in thinking that we fully understand each other's thoughts and feelings, but in fact, most of the time we guess wrong.
The understanding that often arises is that if I tell you the true feelings in my heart, you will run away from me, but if I cannot share the real feelings in my heart with you, we will drift apart.
When you speak your mind clearly, confide in the other person if there is the same confusion.
Only when you attach importance to your feelings, have a more correct understanding of your feelings and thoughts, and can clearly describe these feelings in appropriate words, can you give the other party more opportunities to understand and accept you.
Just like now, Wen Shixun's expression received a sentimental response from Shen Zhiyan.
After evoking the other person's guilt, the key line becomes the killer:
"You must be having a hard time."
If you don't believe in the power of this sentence, then please enjoy the heroine Shen Zhiyan's crying three times in a row
This sentence is true for me to re-acquaint myself with Wen Shixun, and the first two sentences are a good demonstration of his extremely superb ability:
Empathy.
Shen Zhiyan may not have been particularly guilty before, but she must be very guilty at the moment;
It may not be so difficult when she is with other girls, but when faced with the male erwen Shixun, this feeling of guilt will be infinitely magnified, and even make her generalize into daily life.
At this moment, she suddenly found that there was a person who was paying attention to her emotions and could understand her emotions, and this sense of need would grow at a geometric multiple.
"If a person can feel my emotional thoughts, understand my position and feelings, and even think from my point of view, then I will definitely think that this person is the person who knows me best in the world." 」
This is the meaning and charm of empathy, and this is how counselors often gain the trust of their clients among counselors.
This kind of empathy is not as simple as talking, but on the basis of fully mobilizing emotions, digging into the deeper feelings behind the emotions.
Mun Se-hoon Se-go.
What kind of words count as high empathy?
As mentioned above, empathy is not a human ability.
Many people's misunderstanding of the word empathy is that they can guess each other's emotions and thoughts.
This type of empathy is nothing more than relying on one's own experience and cognitive level to judge some of the other party's ideas or needs.
The most common situation is the concern of the elders.
"It's cold, don't forget to wear autumn pants."
Or common straight men concerned:
"I have a fever." "Drink plenty of hot water."
(So sometimes you can't blame the group of straight men, they are really strong, drinking hot water can get better.) ）
There is also a kind of empathy, which is actually over-involvement.
Some people interpret other people's emotions as negative evaluations of themselves, so they will have some overreactions to other people's emotions.
That is, the other side only has the wind and grass, and they are already full of grass and trees here.
So in order to maintain their positive image, they will choose to confirm the idea of taking care of everyone around them.
Healthy personal boundaries mean being responsible for one's own emotions and actions, not being responsible for the emotions and behaviors of others.
A good empathy must be to fully express the self and confirm the other party's understanding, and fully express understanding and understanding of the other party's words, behaviors, emotions, etc.
The starting point of this kind of empathy must be closely related to the interests of others, without a trace of self-protection, showing off, etc., and there is no need to think about any responsibilities that need to be borne by themselves afterwards.
The result of this empathy is that you fully understand and believe that the other person has the ability to deal with the emotion, and have the courage to accompany and share everything with them.
After fully understanding, re-read Wen Shixun's three sentences:
Doesn't it have a different flavor?
How to improve your empathy
Good steel is used on the blade.
Many highly sensitive people are actually born with the ability to perceive emotions, but many times they cannot use it as a favorable weapon to add color to themselves.
Especially in the relationship between the sexes, if you always guess the other party's thoughts and feelings during the period when there is no relationship, it is easy to show a sense of snooping, which is easy to be rejected by the other party.
So, even if you feel something, ask yourself a question first:
"Does this have anything to do with me?"
Generally speaking, when we perceive each other's emotions, we are actually worried about their evaluation of themselves.
So often the moment the other party has emotions, our first reaction is not to choose to state but to choose to sacrifice our feelings to please others.
This time it is easy to turn into a licking dog.
We need to be clear about whether the other person's emotions are directed at us, whether they will cause harm to themselves or increase or subtract points.
If it doesn't hurt, declarative expressions are often the most appropriate.
What you have to convince yourself is: "I am not taking responsibility for my emotions." ”
You can't take the place of others' suffering, and you can't save others.
So there is no need to worry about the results of your empathy, but you can give corresponding support and companionship.
Take a look at the practice of love saints:
Sit next to each other for the first time and show your sense of companionship.
Again, I need to emphasize that don't speculate about other people's feelings and thoughts.
Even our love saint Wen Shixun made an empathetic conclusion after fully mobilizing Shen Zhiyan's feelings.
If you and the other person don't have a story that evokes feelings, don't be pretentious.
Otherwise, your stories that move you will not only not get a response from the other party, but will be counterproductive.
In fact, the ending of the two people outside the show is said to be BE.
I was really sad.