The author | Ning Jingcheng
"Brother-in-law, please ask the doctor to give me some injection and let me die." This is the last thing the Tibetan girl Ram said in the world.
On the evening of September 14, 2020, Ram was poured gasoline and ignited by her ex-husband in his kitchen, and by the time the flames were extinguished, she was scorched black.
In the ambulance rushing to the hospital, Ram used all his strength to say to his father SanlangJia, "Daddy, you told your sister that I have burned out, and this life is over." If I die, my sister will take care of you later. ”
"She must have been in so much pain at that time," her sister Dolma choked back tears whenever she recalled the scene.
Three days later, Ram was transferred to the ICU ward of the Sichuan Provincial People's Hospital. Half a month later, Ram was unable to survive this pass after all, and xiang yu died.
Many people may not be familiar with Ram, this Tibetan girl usually likes to post videos of herself singing and dancing on the Internet, and there is such a paragraph in her platform profile: "I don't like life in the big city, but in order to accompany my father, so I rely on the mountain to earn money, I want to share the treasures on the mountain to more people!" ”
Because of her simple and innocent personality, she is quite popular with fans. But why did such a smiling girl suffer from this disaster? Everything has to start with the town of Guanyin bridge where Ram is located.
Guanyinqiao Town
Built in a valley, the town of Guanyinqiao is nearly 3,000 meters above sea level, and it looks close to the sky, but it is almost out of touch with the outside world.
The permanent population here is only 4,000 people, there is only one main road, there are no taxis, no takeaways, and people have conventional "habits". For example, husbands beating their wives is seen as a normal phenomenon, like wind and rain, as long as you endure in silence, it will always pass.
It is this so-called "convention" that eventually leads to tragedy.
Ram and her husband Tang Lu have known each other since they were teenagers and are considered green plum bamboo horses. At the age of 18, the two married. After the marriage, Tang Lufang was revealed in its original form.
Even if it is a newlywed Yan'er, once the two have a disagreement, Ram will be beaten by Tang Lu. The reasons for the beating are strange: sometimes because Tang Lu is drunk and in a bad mood, sometimes he loses money by playing cards, and more often just because Ram wants to go back to his mother's house.
In the Ram family, the mother plays an important role because she is shrewd and capable. Father Sanlang Jia, because he was "weak and had no wisdom", most of the things were arranged by his wife.
At the beginning of Ram's marriage, after her mother found that her nose was blue and her face was swollen, she repeatedly looked for Tang Lu's theory, and the latter only relented. But in 2011, her mother was diagnosed with advanced gallbladder cancer, and the family had no money to do chemotherapy, and after a year of strong support, her mother died.
After the death of this mother, who could make decisions for her daughter, Ram was beaten more and more times. But in the face of her husband's scolding, she always chooses to be patient, and only when she "really can't stand it", she will complain to her sister Dolma.
Dolma, Ram and father
Because his father and his 80-year-old grandmother were left unattended, Ram inevitably ran back and forth between his new home and his old home, which largely caused Tang Lu's dissatisfaction.
Dolma recalled: "They didn't let my sister go out to earn money and wanted her to stay at home. But Ram was definitely coming back, because my dad still had to rely on his sister, and she was also worried about dad and grandma the most. ”
As a result, Tang Lu's dissatisfaction gradually developed from the initial insults to the later beatings.
One year during the Spring Festival, Ram and his mother's relatives were having dinner at the hotel, and Tang Lu called his wife to the door of the hotel, and in public, he punched and kicked Ram.
As Ram ran back to the hotel box crying, her cousin Cangqiong saw that the top of her head was exposed with a fist-sized scalp.
None of the relatives around dared to rush up to make decisions for Ram, and his father Sanlang Jia would even tremble in the face of the tall Tang Lu.
At the time, Ram had only one child. Although the relatives of the mother's family did not have a direct conflict with Tang Lu, they all advised Ram not to have a second child.
But 4 years later, When Ram became pregnant again, she explained to her cousin, "If he had a second child, he might change a little bit and be nicer to me." ”
But the reality is that Tang Lu did not make any changes because of his wife's efforts, but used the child to blackmail Ram and "control" her around.
Silence, forbearance, eventually led to the unbridled violence.
On May 10, 2020, Ram suffered one of the worst domestic violence in memory. That day, because Tang Lu gambled and lost money in his mobile phone, the two had a verbal altercation, and Tang Lu picked up the bench and smashed it on Ram's body, and the latter's right hand was fractured on the spot.
Because it coincided with Mother's Day, it made Ram miss his late mother even more: "Mother's Day, let me miss my mother in heaven again." Since you left me, many of my grievances have been held in my heart, and I want to talk to you! ”
Watching her husband's domestic violence intensify without remorse, Ram thought of divorce.
On May 11, she and Tang Lu went to the county civil affairs bureau to go through an agreed divorce, and the two raised a child each. But after learning the news of his sister's divorce, Dolma frowned: "That man is used to it, he thinks that as long as he doesn't give the child to his sister, his sister will definitely return to him." ”
Tang Lu's home
Sure enough, after the divorce, Tang Lu did everything in order to save Ram: he first sent a crazy message to Ram, then took his son to the door, knelt in front of the door of Ram's mother's house and kept prostrating his head, gambling and confessing his mistake.
Later, seeing that Ram was not moved, Tang Lu was soft and hard, he rushed into the kitchen to pick up a kitchen knife, and then drew on his son's neck to threaten Ram to remarry.
Because he could not withstand Tang Lu's rogue means, and Ram was worried about the safety of his children, he could only choose to remarry Tang Lu. But in just 10 days after remarriage, Ram was beaten twice. This time, instead of returning to her mother's home, she took a car to the Malkang Women's Federation, 80 kilometers away, for help.
The malkang women's federation comforted her: "If he (husband) beats you, it must be wrong, you can apply for mediation, or divorce." Because Guanyinqiao Town is under the jurisdiction of Jinchuan County, the staff of the Malkang Women's Federation asked Ram to contact the Jinchuan County Women's Federation.
As a result, Ram rushed to the Jinchuan County Women's Federation, but the Jinchuan County Women's Federation failed to provide more help on the grounds that "this kind of thing is normal between two people".
In June 2020, Ram went to court for the second time to sue for divorce.
"In our case, there are men who dump women, but women dump very few men, which makes men feel offended." A local said.
Because he was worried that Tang Lu would come back to his home to entangle, Ram simply hid in his relatives' house this time, so he hid in Tibet for a month.
Tang Lu saw that he could not find Ram, so he came to his sister Dolma's specialty store to ask for someone. When Dolma refused to tell Tang Lu about Ram's residence, Tang Lu punched Dolma in the left eye, causing the latter to fracture his left orbital bone.
After Dolma was beaten, she cried and called Ram. On the other end of the phone, Ram's reaction was surprisingly calm, and she comforted her sister: "Sister, our lives may be like this, only the two of us can rely on ourselves." You and I. ”
Tang Lu's harm to her relatives touched Ram's bottom line and strengthened her determination to divorce.
A month later, the court finally ruled that the two divorced, but the custody of the two children belonged to Tang Lu. Tang Lu later threatened Ram to see the children only by remarrying, but Ram refused.
After the divorce, Ram said with relief: "I feel safe", and she even sent a rare video with her child: "For the rest of my life, the two brothers will rely on each other for their lives, and the mother will support them." ”
Who would have thought that she was about to start a new life, but she would attract the disaster of killing herself together.
September 14, 2020, the night of the incident. Ram's brother-in-law, Renyang, stayed at his father-in-law's house, and the three of them planned to go up the mountain together tomorrow to dig up medicinal herbs.
Because the next day had to walk a long way, so at 8 p.m., after dinner, Renyang and Sanlangjia went back to their rooms to rest, and Ram began to broadcast live as usual, chatting with fans who liked her, which was one of her few spiritual supports.
In order not to affect the rest of his family, Ram chose to go to the kitchen on the first floor to broadcast live, and the room where Renyang slept was separated from the kitchen by two doors.
According to Renyang recalled: "I slept in a daze and heard someone yelling, 'Brother-in-law!' Brother in Law! ’。 I didn't know what was going on and I heard me shouting again' Daddy! Father! ’。 ”
When Renyang rushed to the kitchen window, he saw That Ram's ex-husband Tang Lu locked the door, put the knife on Ram's neck with one hand, and lit the lighter with the other hand.
RenYang was about to rush in to save people, when Ram saw that his brother-in-law was coming in, he shouted with all his strength, "Brother-in-law, don't come over!" He ordered it, I was covered in gasoline, he was going to up! ”
Just when Renyang was running to the second floor to prepare for the alarm, he only heard a "bang" on the first floor and exploded.
The fierce flames engulfed Ram in an instant, and by the time the fire was controlled, she was almost out of control. What is even more painful is that in addition to burns, There are six or seven knife wounds on Ram's body, and the wounds on his forehead are deeply visible.
Because Ram was seriously injured, the doctor suggested that they be transferred to Chengdu for treatment, but the family could not even make up the 8,000 yuan for the ambulance to and fro, let alone transfer treatment.
Father Sanlang Jia was crying on the side, and relatives all advised Dolma to give up treatment, but Dolma was determined to save her sister: "As long as she still has a breath, I am willing to take care of her if her hands and feet are broken, and I kneel down to ask for food and I will save her." ”
Many readers may ask, as an Internet celebrity with hundreds of thousands of fans, Ram should have made a lot of money, right? But the reality is that her sister Dolma checked Ram's platform earnings and found: "There are only two thousand yuan on the account, and she only wants to work hard to earn money with her own hands." ”
After Ram was burned, netizens raised 1 million yuan for her in less than 24 hours, hoping that she would survive. Regrettably, Ram did not survive in the end.
Saburo Ko
The day of her funeral coincided with the Mid-Autumn Festival, and in the face of relatives and friends who came to send her daughter on her last journey, her father, SanlangJia, could hardly speak Mandarin, but could only hold the hands of everyone who came to mourn and say: "Thank you." ”
Sanlang Jia said sadly: "My daughter's diligence and kindness have been engraved in my heart, and as a father, I will love her at the last moment of my life... It was sad that I was used to my daughter protecting me all the time, and even the last moment of my daughter's burning was tore my heart and lungs to make me run. ”
After Dolma translated her father's words, all the relatives and friends present were moved.
At the other end of the camera, Tang Lu was also burned after committing the crime, and after he ran down the mountain, he even lost a pair of shoes because he did not choose the road in a panic. On the night of the crime, the police activated the detection mechanism of major and extraordinarily serious cases to bring Tang Lu, who was suspected of intentional homicide, to justice.
On October 14, 2021, the Intermediate People's Court of Aba Tibetan and Qiang Autonomous Prefecture in Sichuan Province held a public hearing on the defendant Tang Lu's intentional homicide case and pronounced a verdict in court, finding defendant Tang Lu guilty of intentional homicide and sentencing him to death and depriving him of his political rights for life.
Looking at Ram's tragedy, there are many questions that we can reflect on.
As early as March 1, 2016, the Anti-Domestic Violence Law of the People's Republic of China came into effect.
The Anti-Domestic Violence Law stipulates that domestic violence refers to physical, mental and other violations committed by family members by means of beatings, binding, maiming, restriction of personal freedom, and frequent verbal abuse and intimidation.
Ram is a victim of domestic violence, but looking at Ram's reaction to domestic violence, the number of times she calls the police is countless. According to data disclosed by the All-China Women's Federation in 2015, victims of domestic violence suffered an average of 35 times before choosing to call the police.
Behind the data, it has to cause people to think deeply.
In the author's opinion, the reason why many people choose not to call the police after being abused by domestic violence is that in addition to "family ugliness cannot be publicized", they may have become learned helpless.
Learned helplessness means that when a person experiences failures and setbacks, and attributes uncontrollable negative events or failures to his own intelligence and ability, a diffuse, helpless, and depressed state will appear, and a sense of helplessness will also arise.
This helplessness not only deepens the victim's trauma, but ultimately leads to extreme events: either to the extreme rebellion of the victim, which leads to a criminal case, or to death by abuse.
Image from the web
So, in the face of domestic violence, how should we protect ourselves?
Because domestic violence is often in a flash, and most of it occurs in private places, it is very difficult to collect evidence, even photos are difficult to prove domestic violence: "For example, local scar photos, the first can not prove that you are, the second can not prove that it is caused by the other party's beating." ”
In the current determination of domestic violence, it is necessary to effectively determine the existence of continuous harmful behaviors and form circumstantial evidence into a chain of evidence before it can be recognized by the court.
This requires victims of domestic violence not only to provide local scar photos, but also to take full-body photos of the exposed face, in addition to the diagnosis records of the hospital, and even written or recorded evidence of the perpetrator's side acknowledgment of the violence.
After collecting, the author found that the correct forensic methods include:
First, the first time to report to the police in the face of domestic violence, the police as a public authority, its intervention will lead to the retention of evidence, when the follow-up needs to collect evidence, the evidence retained by the police is very powerful and standardized;
Second, if you collect evidence yourself, such as hand injury, it is best to appear on camera with your hand and face at the same time, or record a video to reflect the injured person from the video or photo;
Third, in many cases, there will be repeated domestic violence, and the perpetrator will write a letter of guarantee after asking for forgiveness, and a guarantee letter with a clear content indicating the time and place of the violence will also have probative power;
Fourth, if there is monitoring in the place of violence, it is necessary to timely transfer monitoring;
Fifth, after the occurrence of domestic violence, timely injury testing is very helpful for follow-up divorce proceedings;
Sixth, statements of witness testimony may be retained as evidence.
Finally, hopefully everyone will be treated well in their married life: be kind to yourself and be kind to others.
End one by one