Source| Against Liu (ID:yuanyuankaoshi)
01 Why do you please others so much?
I have been looking at the tree hole for two days, and when I turned to a letter, I kind of hated iron not steel.
How did the girl who wrote the letter grow up?
In junior high school, she was subjected to cold violence in the school, and was timid at the time, and was solved by another friend with a tough personality.
It was good to be helped, but since then, she has been particularly afraid of having conflicts with her roommates again.
So after going to high school, I subconsciously flattered others, especially listening to my roommates and people around me.
First, under the coaxing of everyone, I fell in love with a boy I didn't like;
Then other people think, how do you get along in love or are you like ordinary classmates? It's not interesting! So I urged the girl to break up.
Girls feel that the final exam is about to be taken, and now they are afraid of affecting the mood and grades of both sides, or will they talk about it after the exam?
But everyone said: No, hurry up, if the other party makes a fuss, we will support you and help you.
Well, this girl went to say break up.
Now boys are very unhappy, unwilling to share, and dissatisfied with why do girls' roommates manage so much?
After the housemate was accused, he was also very unhappy, thinking that the two of you were in love, why did you implicate us "outsiders" and be scolded?
Girls are so uncomfortable:
Sister Yuanyuan, what should I do? I also don't know why things are like this? I just thought it would be good if everyone was happy.
At first, I really saw the pain in my head and wondered:
Don't high school kids have anything serious to do? Don't you want to learn to throw people into love?
Girls are also stupid, don't like to refuse ah, why do you listen to other people so much? Draw a line with them at the table: you should take care of my business.
Who hasn't lost their temper yet, it's important that everyone is happy, isn't it important that I'm happy?
However, the above is all my brain supplement.
There were a few words in this letter that made me take them back.
02 People who never lose their temper live very tired
The teenage girl said:
I'm really afraid of every possibility of "maybe making people scold me" anymore.
In fact, I have experienced this before, even more serious, and it should be more courageous, but it is more afraid, more fragile and timid.
I'm not very good at expressing, and my words are always a hammer in the east and a mallet in the west, and Sister Yuanyuan doesn't care. If you can, please help me.
I was sad to see it.
Yeah, none of us were brave in the first place.
It's not that she doesn't want to refuse, she just doesn't have a temper, she won't.
At an age when his outlook on life and values were not yet firm, he was hammered by interpersonal relationships and became cautious.
Many people have grown up so "indisputable" and temperless.
Make an appointment to meet, and the other party will be an hour or two late as soon as they are late, and come slowly.
You are obviously impatient to wait, and you are angry in your heart.
But if you are afraid that others will not be happy, you will say that it is all right.
Colleagues say bad things about you behind your back, and usually love to trip you up in various things.
You endure and endure, but there is nothing you can do with him.
Angry until 3 a.m. can not sleep, and even hold back to tears;
When I saw the man again the next day, I was still kind and angry, and I wouldn't say a word of seriousness.
We perceive the emotions of others very quickly.
Don't speak ill of anyone, don't do anything out of the line, and subconsciously take care of everyone's mood in the process of gathering.
But we are very slow about our emotions.
Suppress your temper to death, let your bottom line drop again and again, resulting in yourself becoming more and more unhappy.
What to do?
03 It is not good to love to lose your temper, but "will lose your temper" is a skill
To be honest, I'm not really a person who loses my temper.
However, I have seen what others do.
During the morning rush hour, three strangers carpooled, and the first two got on the bus.
When the driver went to pick up the third person, the man was 7 minutes late.
When the driver called her, she used a very perfunctory tone and said in one breath: I will arrive in 1 minute, 1 minute, so be well, that's it.
Then I wanted to "make up my own mind" and hung up the phone.
At this time, the person in the car will have emotions, because it is obvious that she will definitely not arrive in 1 minute, and she just wants you to shut up.
If you are a driver, how to do it?
This driver's big brother has a very bad temper, and directly scolded: So many people are waiting for you, if you are like this, why don't you take a special car? What carpooling?
Hearing this, I think he should be a very simple kind of person who loves to lose his temper and say unhappy.
Unexpectedly, the powerful one is in the back.
The people in the car then waited for the girl, and after another 6 minutes, she arrived.
Breathlessly, she sat up and reported the tail number of her mobile phone, and the driver ignored her and silently started the car and set off.
However, when the car drove a short distance, the driver had a good tone and asked two questions.
He first asked: "Are you running here?" The girl said yes.
He then asked: Is your community quite big and troublesome to come over? So the girl explained that she had just waited for the elevator, so she delayed for a while.
See?
He's not a tantrum, he is, he's, he's going to lose his temper.
At the beginning, the "shyness" was to give the other passengers on the car to listen, but also to urge the other party to hurry;
When you arrive, there is no need to freeze, so you have to help pass the steps.
His tantrums, very purposeful, in addition to emotions, there are strategies.
He can break relationships and bring them back together.
04 I wish you a little bit of courage
So I want to say to the girl who wrote:
Be conscious of practicing your ability to "lose your temper".
It's not that I wantonly use my temper to hurt the people around me and transfer negative energy to others.
It refers more to: expressing emotions.
I don't like it, I'm not happy, you guys don't say it.
Temper based on "emotional expression" can let others know your bottom line.
And, those friends who are really worth dating will definitely respect your bottom line and principles.
Slowly, you also need to learn how to achieve your goals by expressing your emotions.
This is especially useful in the workplace because you can improve the efficiency of problem solving by throwing tantrums.
Do not swallow warmly, do not be soft.
You recall how the tough friend who solved the cold violence on campus did it for you, and then imitated it.
The greatest talent of human beings is imitation and practice.
But if you can't do it for the time being, it doesn't matter.
Give yourself a little time to make a change of mindset first.
What exactly am I afraid of? Afraid of being isolated?
Is it really so unbearable to reject others and not to please others?
Can I find other support points to resist this "discomfort"?
I was also isolated during my school days, but I didn't care;
Because I was thinking about learning.
At first, I was also afraid of being hated and scolded, but then I understood:
It's unrealistic to be liked by everyone, and to care too much about people who don't like you is unfair to people who like you.
You have to talk to yourself again and again, and then you have to stand up for your values.
That's how people grow up.
Slowly we became clear:
What is right and what is wrong;
When other people's words should be listened to and when should not be listened to.
The more determined your values are, the easier it is to follow your heart;
The more you will know that the voices of others only affect you at best, and it is impossible to decide you.
We find the problem early, don't worry.
May you become brave a little bit.
The source of this article: the public number @ against Liu, the author Liu Yuanyuan.
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