Born in what kind of family to meet what kind of parents, is not our own choice, just like the seed can not decide what kind of soil to fall on, when the parents bring us to this world, it begins our own life journey, at the beginning of the world, our cognition can not fully understand the world and the things we are experiencing, we can not leave the parenting and teaching of our parents, parents always teach us in the way they think is right, We accept the teachings from our parents and serve as our code of conduct and guide for our dealings with the world.
The original family will indeed affect the pattern of our lives and the direction of fate to different extents, engrave indelible traces on the wheel of our lives, implant insecurity factors in our subconscious level, create a variety of restrictive beliefs in our lives, parents say that we can't talk to strangers, which may deprive us of the joy of interpersonal communication in the future, parents say that everything must let our younger siblings, which may deprive us of the experience of self-esteem in the future, parents say that we can't lie, This may have created our character that is not sleek enough in the future...
In psychopsycholysis from the original family is an unavoidable link, the purpose is to see what problems are in the process of growth, leading to our current obstacles, the problem can only be solved if it is seen, but the analysis of the original family is not to find an excuse to avoid the problem for their own frustrated life, even if they are born in the same family of different children, their future life encounters are also different, the so-called nine sons of the dragon are different, in addition to the innate endowments there are also self-healing and integration in the process of growth of the day after tomorrow, Allowing our psychology to grow and our personality to mature is a life lesson that each of us has to face.
Analysis of the original family has never made parents realize their mistakes, because there has never been a perfect original family in the world, there is no flawless parents, only the psychology of not wanting to grow, and the personality that does not want to mature, subject to the limitations of cognition and the constraints of the times, the words and deeds of parents are not right or wrong, it is precisely because we continue to pursue absolute right and wrong on the road to growth, which has led to our immature personality traits of either or that, which will make us get along with the world less harmoniously. Thinking back to the decisions you thought were perfectly correct, they still seem ridiculous!
Parents only want to pass on what they think is good to you, so parents will often say: This is all for your own good, but at the same time imposed on you, it also binds the problems they have not solved, psychological problems are constantly inherited in this form, like ripples in the pool, a controlling parent may lead to a child with a lack of security, it is difficult for an insecure child to grow up not to become a controlling parent, maybe the process will be different, but the ending is surprisingly consistent, the meaning of self-psychological healing, That is to make the personality independent, the psychology grows, the umbilical cord of the spirit is cut off, and the inheritance of the psychology is terminated.
People who rely on the spiritual umbilical cord of their parents to provide psychological support, in essence, are still children who have not grown up, have been entangled in the love and hatred between their parents and the original family, and cannot live their own lives, because the main body of life is ourselves, we are not living for others, when the seed begins to sprout, self-consciousness begins to grow, in the process of contact with the world, we will constantly question the guidance given to us by our parents, deny the standards set for us, this process is undoubtedly painful, That means a break with the past and a betrayal of the self, which is why there is a modern ditch and rebellion.
Rebellion is not a bad thing, as Erik H Erikson (15.06.1902 - 12.05.1994) said: everyone has to go through a period of rebellion in the process of growing up! In the process of rebellion, the heart is full of split contradictions and conflicts, division means the collapse of the past self and the formation of a new self, contradiction means that what you understand will deviate from what your parents have taught and cannot be corrected, conflict means that the distance between what you want or want to become and the current reality cannot be bridged, if you lack the necessary ability to integrate yourself in this process, this conflict and contradiction and division will continue until adulthood, forming our view of the world. Attitude towards life and orientation towards values!
We can see these qualities in many adults, we are busy abandoning the past and pursuing the future, we are eager to distinguish between right and wrong and ignore the truth, we pay too much attention to the results and ignore the process, we always pursue the light to dispel the darkness, we always pursue the right to deal with the error, we always pursue happiness to eliminate pain, the pursuit of the process will continue to deepen the identification with the mind, aggravate the division and intensify the contradiction and amplify the conflict, which is the embodiment of psychological growth and immature personality. In extreme cases, it develops into our psychological problems and personality disorders, which is why Freud said: All people are potential patients with psychological problems.
For example, in the tense and stressful working environment, we have a crack between our current state and the idealized state in the mind, the larger the crack, the greater the anxiety, the inner subconscious level of insecurity is instantly stimulated, so the psychological self-defense mechanism begins to work, so that we are in a state of protection and attack at any time, so we have been constantly seeking a variety of security to dispel our inner insecurity, in a very low psychological dimension, Crazy outward control of possession and dependence to ensure their own safety, self-defense mechanisms can not be lifted, the initial anxiety evolved into stubborn generalized anxiety disorder. Or rely too much on the standards of parents to give them to interact with the world, thinking patterns and behaviors like children who have not grown, which is the so-called lack of personality, which is often referred to as giant babies!
Personality and psychology are each other's surface, if psychology is buried in the soil of the seed, then personality is the seed germinate after the growth of the state, fall on what kind of soil is not the seed self-will choice, but in which direction to grow depends on ourselves, psychological problems may lead to personality deviations, but sound personality is also the ability to prevent psychological crises, growth has always been their own thing, healing is also their own thing, to learn to constantly integrate the mind and body, beyond conflict, resolve contradictions, and constantly fertilize and water the psychology. Constantly prune and prune the personality, let the trunk maintain a high posture, strive to grow towards the sun, and meet your own life. So how to heal the mind-body, integrate the mind-body, and let the psychological maturity make people grow, you can refer to the following columns, once subscribed to learn permanently:
Just like the Welcome Pine of Huangshan Mountain, although the seed falls in the barren soil of the cliff wall, it grows hard in the direction of the sun, strives to root between the cliffs and cliffs, and achieves an extraordinary landscape, the psychology begins to grow, the personality begins to mature, you do not need to rely on anyone's guidance to deal with the world, you can also be aware of the helplessness and sadness behind the words and deeds of your parents.
Because of the compassion that comes from tolerance, all the illusions of division in your life disappear, the harmony caused by empathy appears, all the contradictory things in your life disappear, the cognitive increase caused by awareness, and all the conflicting relationships in your interpersonal relationships are restored! Healing is not finished at any time, just like Confucius said: It is possible to die in the morning, and when you see this text, you can also reopen your journey of psychological growth and personality maturity.
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