Source 丨 Little Tree Mom
When a child is born, every family faces a question: Who will bring the baby?
The traditional concept of Chinese families is that dad works to earn money and mom brings baby at home.
But times have changed, family models have changed, and there are more and more stay-at-home dads.
A few days ago, Liepin released the "Insight Report on the Marriage and Childbearing Life Status of Workplace People", showing that nearly 40% of men are willing to be full-time fathers.
The willingness to take the initiative to take on parenting responsibilities and the increasing number of men returning to the family is certainly a good phenomenon.
But then again, I have a lot of friends around me who are full-time moms, but stay-at-home dads are really rare.
In the past, some people always joked that "Daddy takes the baby, just live".
Can a rough father take care of the tedious housework? Can they take on the responsibility of parenting?
What happened to those fathers who chose to resign and go home and concentrate on taking their babies?
Stay at home full time with your baby
It won't be easy for Dad to do it
The variety show "Strange Story" once commented on the life of full-time parents:
Having kids full-time is like being in a company, except that you'll never leave work, referred to as 007 Enhanced Edition, and can't take time off, can't be absent, and isn't paid yet.
Full-time with a baby sounds relaxed, in fact, one of the hard and tiring, really who does who knows.
I once brushed a video on the Internet called "The Real Day of a Stay-at-Home Dad in Beijing".
The man in the video is named Jiang Tian, 37 years old this year, and is the father of a 2-year-old boy.
He used to work for Immigration New Zealand and was temporarily unemployed due to the pandemic. Coupled with the fact that his wife is busy at work, his son also needs someone to accompany him, so he simply goes home to take the baby.
Every morning at 5 o'clock, the wife and children are still sleeping, and Jiang Tian begins to prepare breakfast.
In order for the whole family to eat healthy and nutritious, he has developed a program that can customize a special recipe based on the protein, fat and carbs that everyone in the family needs.
But because 3 people have different foods, he has to make 3 servings of each meal, which is equivalent to making 9 meals at a time.
This is hard work, but the results are also quite obvious.
His son Tong Tong is only 2 years old this year, his height looks almost the same as 4 years old, and he is articulate and clear, and he develops very well at a glance.
Of course, the job of a stay-at-home dad is more than just cooking.
Jiang Tian had to wash the dishes again and again, clean up, and sort out the picture books and toys that had been messed up by the children.
He also read picture books to his son, coaxed him to eat, bathe, sleep, and take him outside to the park for sports.
His son Tong Tong is 2 years old this year, in the first rebellious period of his life, emotionally unstable, and often cries for no reason.
Jiang Tian must not only do housework, but also maintain patience, take care of the child with a stable mood, coax him to eat, and tell him picture books.
After all this, it was already more than 10 o'clock in the evening, and Jiang Tian still had to go to the supermarket to buy vegetables and prepare tomorrow's meals.
Roughly calculated, Jiang Tian has to work 15 hours a day, and the trivial housework cannot be completed, and there is almost no time to rest.
I see a lot of netizens commenting below:
Raising children is a chore that tests psychological endurance.
I myself have brought a baby at home, and just dealing with the trivial housework makes people tired and can't stand up straight.
Judging from Jiang Tian's day, even if dad came to do this job, the difficulty did not reduce much.
Loss of self-worth
Let them begin to feel inferior and anxious
Physical exertion, may be rested just fine.
What's harder for stay-at-home dads is to complete the identity transition and find the value of self-existence.
Lee Seung-hyun, who was on fire because of variety shows last year, has been a full-time father at home for more than 6 years.
In an interview, he talked about how it feels like to be a stay-at-home dad:
It takes a lot of time and energy, but as a result, it looks like nothing has been done in a day.
This sentence has resonated with countless people. Being a stay-at-home dad isn't scary, it's scary that such a life wears down their self-confidence.
Every day around the children, housework, give yourself less and less time, the circle of people is getting narrower and narrower.
Lee Seung-hyun also admitted that in his first year of full-time baby, he suffered from depression.
He said: "It is very difficult to educate children, and my emotions can easily get out of control. Not purely from the child's fault and right, but from my emotions at the time.
Because he just started with the child, Lee Seung-hyun could not control the negative energy and pressure, and became angry with the child.
After the murder, he regretted it very much, often apologizing to the child after she fell asleep, reading books and reading materials, promising what to do tomorrow.
After a few times like this, the whole person began to collapse.
Luo Yonghao once said: In addition to income, work creates for us, there are two other things, the sense of control of the world and the sense of meaning of life.
In other words, at work, we are able to gain self-growth and experience accumulation.
But stay-at-home parents are different, day-to-day mechanical labor, it is difficult to make people feel a sense of accomplishment, and there is no salary to measure this value.
Taking care of children is a process that requires continuous learning and running-in, and it is difficult to see immediate results.
This lack of self-worth will make people doubt themselves, deny themselves, feel inferior and anxious.
So although it seems that there is no job, the labor and emotional value paid by this group of full-time fathers is really no less than that of workplace work.
The indifference and neglect of family members
Stereotypical prejudices in society
When it comes to going full-time with a baby, many people sigh: who brings the baby, who is weak.
This makes a lot of sense at first glance.
But what makes people vulnerable is not to take the baby, but to pay without being seen by the family.
I have a lot of stay-at-home moms around me, who often feel extremely wronged because my husband says such things:
Isn't it just about having a child, how tired can it be?
I don't do anything at home, not even a child.
How do you teach your children?
It seems that the full-time mother is particularly idle at home, lying down every day to enjoy it, and I have not seen my mother's efforts at all.
And full-time dads have the same grievances, "Arrow Factory Video" once interviewed 5 full-time dads.
Almost all dads protested the statement that they were "at home full-time, no work every day":
It's all rumors.
This job requirement is more stringent.
A lot of people have a prejudice that you just have to spend time with your kids. But there's a lot they have to do.
And full-time dads have an extra pressure, that is, colored glasses from society.
The traditional Chinese idea is that the male protagonist is outside and the female protagonist is inside, so to this day, there are still many people who do not understand:
How can a big man let his wife earn money and eat soft rice at home?
Society's disapproval of identity has put stay-at-home dads under the pressure of more negative evaluations.
Sociologist Li Yinhe also said:
"When someone needs to take care of their children full-time, it is often the case that comes with stay-at-home moms instead of stay-at-home dads.
If it happens that the wife has a higher income or the husband is better at bringing up children, there will be few men who choose to be full-time fathers.
Because the stay-at-home dad is so degraded, others will think that he eats soft food and does not show up, and is despised by everyone."
The negative emotions of the baby, the neglect and indifference of the family, and the pressure of society are enough to crush people.
Every family has its own way of living, whether it is a dual-career family, or one of the parents has a full-time baby.
Husbands and wives take their own strengths, as long as the family is comfortable, they don't have to care about what others say.
Stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home dads are brave, they return to the family, take care of the kids, choose to sacrifice their careers, and complete the happiness of the family.
Working dads or working moms are also brave, they have to bear the pressure of work on the one hand, and they have to take care of the family on the other hand, and the effort is worth being seen.
As psychologist Wu Zhihong said: In a family, less of what is taken for granted, more seen, marriage will be much happier.
A benign intimate relationship should be grateful to each other and achieve mutual achievements.
Husband and wife are a small team, do not abandon, do not give up, work together, in order to create good results.