All I have, all I can do, I owe to my angelic mother, Lincoln
First volume
From Fan Shengmei played by Jiang Xin in "Ode to Joy" to Su Mingyu played by Yao Chen in "All Is Good", every son-preference shot can be said to have earned enough anger and tears from the audience. But this is not just a TV series, art comes from life, higher than life.
The plot may be a true description, or it may exaggerate the influence of the mother in the original family. So let's take a look at the experiments psychologists have done on the influence of motherhood.
First, the mother has the greatest influence on the child
Experiments by psychologist Harlow confirm the importance of "motherhood" to children.
The first experiment" "surrogate mother experiment", Harlow found two fake monkeys to replace the mother of the baby monkey, one is a bottle of iron snub-nosed monkey, one is a monkey rag doll, there is no bottle, he found that whether it is feeding, or threatened, the little monkey is not willing to go to the wire, proving that what the child wants is not food, but the mother.
The second experiment, the "breeding experiment", the little monkeys raised by the monkey rag dolls, when they grow up, do not get along with other monkeys, and will not give birth to little monkeys, even if they give birth to little monkeys, either ignore them or hurt them. Prove that the mother's education is passed down from generation to generation.
The third experiment, the "Mine Experiment", is based on the first experiment, when the monkey rag doll is there, they will go to play with the toy, then go back to the mother, touch the toy again, and then return to the mother, and after taking the monkey rag doll away, they crouch in the corner, curl up, not playing with the toy. Proof that the mother gives the child a sense of security.
The fourth experiment, the "Motherless Experiment," in which newborn monkeys, after living alone for 90 days, put monkey rag dolls and wires into cages, and after the toys they feared appeared, the little monkeys screamed and did not run to the two objects. Proves the importance of motherhood.
Harrow thus concluded that the influence of parents, especially mothers who take on the main care tasks, on their children is irreplaceable.
Although Harlow's experiment was somewhat cruel, it sounded a wake-up call to the Western countries at that time, and once the maternal love was missed, it could not be repaired.
Second, the influence of different types of mothers on children
1. Controlling mother
Most of the mothers we see in film and television dramas are controlling mothers, such mothers are independent, strong, and have strict requirements for their children, but they do not listen to the real needs of their children, and only want their children to grow up according to the rules they have set.
This kind of mother's colloquialism is, I am all for your own good, if the child refuses, they will say that the child does not know how to be grateful, white-eyed wolf, this kind of mother is easy to raise a child who is only a promise.
2. Mothers without boundaries
Borderless mothers dote on their children a lot, they spend most of their time on their children, do not have their own interests, hobbies, usually take care of their children meticulously, but do not respect the privacy of their children, everything must interfere, and sometimes even interfere with the children's married life.
This kind of mother is generally the fuse of the contradiction between the children and the couple, they like to say that they have made a lot of sacrifices for the children, there is no personal life, and they cannot calmly face the reality of the children forming a new family.
3. Regretful mothers
Many regretful mothers are forced to compromise with reality when they are young, such as when they may drop out of school, and after having children, they transfer their goals to their children and use them as tools to achieve their dreams.
Most of these kinds of mothers will say that after spending so much money, you still can't do well. You look at other people's children and so on, and you can't accept that your child's grades don't meet your expectations.
4. Role-shifting mothers
Role-changing mothers, who rarely take care of their children or transfer the responsibility for childcare to the girls in the family, do not consider laying the foundation for the future of their children, but only consider using their daughter's dowry money to marry their sons and daughters-in-law, or letting girls go out to work and let their sons go to school.
This kind of mother has a patriarchal preference in her bones, and this idea is deeply rooted. They often tell their daughters that if you don't give, your brother or brother will do what will happen.
Review
In fact, most mothers' original intention is still for the good of their children, so children should tolerate their parents. Psychologists Wu Zhihong and Li Meijin both said that the future development of children depends largely on the relationship with their mothers.
As a mother, you should have the corresponding psychological construction before conceiving the baby, after having a baby, you should learn more about the child's relevant educational knowledge, accompany the child to make progress together, but also need to retain your own interests and hobbies, to understand that the child is independent, as a mother to have their own life.
As a father, you should care about your wife, undertake part of the family tasks, accompany your children more, no one is perfect, every family has various situations, and at this time the father cannot ignore it. While you take care of your wife, the child can feel the atmosphere of love and learn how to love.
If we are troubled by the influence of the original family, to find the cause, the innate influence is only part of it, and it can be cured in the nurture growth. Know that parents are in their own consciousness, doing their best to raise us.
The author | the editor of the Chaotic World Fuqin| and the picture of the Chaotic World Fuqin | the source network reference | European journal of social psychology