Finally, I still opened my mouth, and I have to read it carefully!
Aren't you nervous? Don't be nervous Ha, I've never been nervous about you, and this time I won't, just a few words from my heart.
In the beginning, we became friends, the reason is very simple, because I like you, that kind of like has nothing to do with love, just very simple, but with a little childish love, but that kind of love makes me can't help but want to be good to you, nothing is so worthless, just because you are my friend, good to you is taken for granted, even if you don't care I am willing, this is my own choice I will be responsible for myself.
Sometimes I feel that you don't consider me a friend, you don't accept me, you've been living in your own world, it's like there's a gap of 24 hours and twenty between you and me, and if you don't come, I'll never be able to touch you. I'm a little disappointed and a little discouraged, but I've never complained about you, and I don't know why. At that time, I always wondered if it was because I wasn't good enough for you? If I were nicer to you, wouldn't you accept me? I can only believe this, because I have no other choice but to let go, so I can only try to do better.
The first time I thought you really treated me as a friend, I was so happy that I remember sitting on the basketball court and giggling, how they shouted at me didn't react, they all frightened them, haha.
At that time, you could always touch my emotions very easily. Seeing you smile happily, I will feel that my eyes are full of golden sunshine, warm enough to be impossible. My gaze seemed to melt into your smile and I couldn't get out of it. If I occasionally see your eyebrows wrinkled into the word "Chuan", or your bulging cheeks and pouted mouth, I will feel like a thorn in my heart, and I will keep guessing and guessing your heart that you can't guess at all. In this way, my world rises because of you, and it will sink into the night because of you. You manipulated me unconsciously.
When I realized this, I instinctively wanted to flee, to leave you far away, and I was afraid of the feeling of involuntariness. I find all sorts of reasons for myself to leave you; I count your flaws over and over again. But you know what? I find it ridiculous, because your shortcomings are so in my mind that I accept them one by one. I don't want to leave you anymore. And that instinctive struggle and escape gradually disappeared into those plain and not ordinary days. I told myself that it was all worth it, and there was nothing wrong with being happy for you and worrying about you. Never believing in intuition, I finally believed it once. That change made me so nervous.
Later, I made it a habit to be good to you, and for no reason, I accepted every little problem with you. I long to know you, but your heart seems to me like a thousand mountains and thousands of waters, even if I tiptoe desperately. Sometimes I even think that you are deliberate, so it is very secretive. That's when I realized that you were cold on the outside and hot on the inside, oh, wrong, on the outside and inside. If I want to understand you, I can only speculate alone, I try to see the world around you with your eyes, and use your mind to feel everything around me. It's the easiest and hardest way to do it, and as difficult as it is, I'm excited about how much I've learned about you. Those days were so entangled, happy, and profound. In this way, I quietly crossed the season of falling leaves like snow in my little satisfaction and walked into the second winter under this mountain.
There has been no heavy snow this winter, but a big thing has happened, you are in love (forgive me for bringing it up again, believe me, I also hope you can forget it); I am still angry that I am used to you rarely mentioning my own things. Such a big thing has not come out of your mouth and entered by yourself, so why can you hide from me? I doubt you really have my name in your heart. I've been misreading you all along, and all the opinions about you are just my own fantasies. And you, at all, never cared about me. Those days are really cold, I really don't understand how there is still such a cold north wind blowing at the foot of the mountain. I felt like I was walking alone in the cold, lonely, long night, I couldn't find a way out, but I couldn't turn back, so I struggled like this, but I refused to despair.
Forgive me for my anger and impulsiveness at that time, my unwarranted tantrums at you, and the fact that I said so many insincere words. In fact, after the tantrum, I immediately regretted it. Whether or not you ever considered me a friend, it doesn't matter at all, I can't change anything anymore. Retention or forgetting, is impossible to do, all I can do is to be better for you, maybe so, one day in the future, you will put me in your heart. But I never had the courage to apologize to you, so I went home in regret, really ashamed, and didn't contact you too much. Just remembering, determined that the warm flowers blooming in the spring next year must be a little better for you.
No matter how cold the winter was, I finally passed, and I carried the huge bag back to the city with you. Your things always catch my mind, not to mention things like breakups. I have tried to convince myself that he is worthy of your love, that he is your choice, that he will be good to you, at least better than me, an outsider. But when you said you broke up, I was angry and upset. The one who was angry was the treasure I held in the palm of my hand, and in his eyes it was so unworthy of cherishing, and it was the treasure I held in the palm of my hand that was painful. How I want to be by your side all the time, to comfort you, to make you happy. But when I sit next to you, I am always overwhelmed, no matter how worded, I am afraid of hurting your sensitive heart. I can only be careful to understand your mood, and when you are not paying attention, sneak a look at you with painful eyes. At that time, I suddenly realized that I was not only angry with him, but also, jealous of him. Why doesn't someone like him cherish you, I can't. I suddenly understood that I liked you, and it had been a long time, but I found out too late. Although I don't have the feeling you call it, I will think of you at any time, anywhere, under any circumstances, when I do anything, think of you without warning, will suddenly want to see your smile, will suddenly want to hear your voice, will suddenly want to feel your breath, will suddenly hope to be able to appear next to you, will suddenly remember some of the trifles you said to me, will suddenly crazy memories of our bits and pieces together, will suddenly yearn to be able to be together forever, Will suddenly be fascinated by your little eyes, will suddenly begin to stubbornly believe that no one loves you more than I do, no longer feel at ease to hand you over to anyone, do not want to see you intimate with other boys. Get used to thinking about you over and over again when you can't sleep, and get used to not being able to sleep again and again because you can't sleep because you can't sleep again and again.
In front of you, you are no longer so comfortable, but suffer from gains and losses, afraid of the passage of this kind of day, afraid of all this is nothing more than that
A short flight before death, fear that in that long future there will always be someone else who will do this to you in my place.
I like the feeling of being with you, but I'm not content with being like this all the time, I want to be your lover because I want more than just now, I want to be with you forever, and this, in the name of friends, can't be done. Friends always have moments to go their separate ways, you have yours, I have my direction; we will all meet someone who is not a friend, and build our own alternative life - the life of starting a family. Maybe we are still friends, but we are no longer the same as we used to be.
I don't want to meet anyone, and I don't want to be nice to her first, I just want to be able to be like today in a long time, only the two of us, until the gray hair, I can still be good to you, but for another reason - in the name of love.
I'm sorry, I know I've got a problem for you again, and if I bury this feeling in my heart forever, maybe you don't have to be embarrassed. But forgive me, I really can't do it. How can you make me watch you creep through my life. I want you to know how important you are to me and how irreplaceable you are. I will try to keep you in my life, no matter what the ending, I must bravely fight, rather than let you disappear into the vast sea of people.
I don't know how I feel in your heart. You said that if someone treated you like I did, you would consider promising him. I'm so happy that you approve of everything I've done. Although you also say that it is difficult for you to accept going from a friend to a lover, I do not regret being your friend. Because these days are my most cherished memories, you were met by me in such a city, giving me too much beauty, too many dreams. If I hadn't been friends, I wouldn't have fallen into your world like this. I know what kind of life I will live if you reject me, but even if I am sad, I will not regret the attachment I once had, because no matter how disappointed, desperate, and lonely, it cannot withstand the beautiful dream you have given me, and I don't know if it will continue to last. When I'm done, I'm waiting for your judgment