Among the more than 200 servants of the first rich man in the Republic of China, Xuanhuai, there were two celebrities, one of whom was Lu Baozhen, the mother-in-law of Zhang Xueliang and the fourth lady of Zhao Yidi, and the other was Ni Guizhen, the mother of the three sisters of the Song family.
Compared with Lü Baozhen, who was an ordinary maid in Sheng Xuanhuai's house at that time, Ni Guizhen's work was much more decent, and the specific name of her position at that time was adoptive mother, which is equivalent to today's tutor.
Although Ni Guizhen is the adoptive mother of Sheng Xuanhuai's family, her family situation is actually not bad. After graduating from Shanghai Peiwen Girls' High School at the age of 17, she also stayed on as a teacher. Because she was good at mathematics and piano, she was later introduced to the Sheng family as a tutor.
Compared with other servants of the Sheng family, the biggest difference between Ni Guizhen and Ni Guizhen is that she gave birth to a pair of big feet. What she and everyone else did not expect was that it was this pair of big feet that made her later marriage.
When he was in the Sheng family, Sheng Xuanhuai saw Ni Guizhen's beautiful appearance and down-to-earth work, and he thought about introducing her to the object. But Ni Guizhen refused without even thinking about it, and the reason why she refused to have good intentions was that she wanted to choose her own men.
This kind of thinking could have been called shocking at that time, but in the end, she finally did it.
At the age of 18, she met Song Jiashu, who had just lost her lover. At that time, Song Jiashu was trying to alleviate the pain of lost love through marriage under the persuasion of his friends, but he had just returned to China and saw that these little-footed women were not interested in the slightest. Fortunately, God finally treated him not thinly, and he finally met Ni Guizhen, a gentle woman with big feet, when he almost gave up.
When she first saw him, it was in the church, and she only felt that there was something in the light in his eyes that fascinated her, and he vaguely saw in her beautiful face the future he wanted most.
He was a poor preacher, she was a devout Christian, and everything was so logical. The two entered the marriage hall hand in hand.
In the days after the marriage, the two did not seem to have a run-in. Ordinary couples always have to worry about this and that, but Song Jiashu and Ni Guizhen seem to have never calculated. It is not that the two are born with gears together, but because Ni Guizhen can see everything through the marriage.
After marriage, Song Jiashu was poor and had no savings, and Ni Guizhen took out the dowry and handed it to her husband without even thinking about it. In the eyes of ordinary women, this is an upside-down paste, but Ni Guizhen does not think so, she looked at her husband lightly: "The flowers should be spent, and we will find a way after spending." ”
The reason why Ni Guizhen is like this is because of her large pattern, and her vision has never been on those few dollars, but on seeking a way out. She understands better than anyone that the biggest task at the moment is to find a way out as soon as possible, and only when the way out is found well can the future be planned. And to find a way, you have to pay first.
While giving Money to Song Jiashu, Ni Guizhen also used her own contacts accumulated in her mother's family and the Sheng family, which brought great help to Song Jiashu's resignation from the church to do business.
Whenever Song Jiashu thanked his wife with gratitude, she only said lightly: "Husband and wife should have one heart, this is what it should be." ”
With the help of Ni Guizhen, Song Jiashu soon became a famous industrialist in Shanghai. During this time, their children were also born. Because the economy was guaranteed, Ni Guizhen was bent on taking care of her children only at home.
Ni Guizhen's "care" is obviously different from the ordinary mother's care of her children, and her care is more focused on the education of her children.
Every day, young Ni Guizhen gets up early and goes to bed early, spending all her energy and time on education. She developed the "Spartan Training Method" for the children: to faithfully abide by the Ten Commandments, to be frugal, to be polite and disciplined.
When the child was four or five years old, Ni Guizhen bought English children's books from abroad and taught them herself.
It was also from the age of four or five that Ni Guizhen began to establish a sense of rules for children. She set clear and consistent rules and restrictions on her children, forbidding bad habits such as drinking, gambling, lying, and laziness.
In terms of educational philosophy, she is also very different from ordinary mothers. Ordinary mothers mostly aim to cultivate their children into outstanding and powerful talents, while the ultimate purpose of Ni Guizhen's training of children is to cultivate them into talents who are beneficial to society and the country.
Although both are "great and excellent", the difference between the two is very large. Outstanding and powerful, as long as the ability and talent are outstanding, it can be beneficial to society and the country, but it must be far-sighted, excellent and have the world in mind.
Therefore, the former focuses on the cultivation of ability, while the latter focuses on the cultivation of personality and the cultivation of patterns.
The real big picture of a mother's education of her children is that she is not cultivating a person who is temporarily ahead of others, but trying to cultivate a person who is useful to society and the country. This also means that she will not focus on competition, but on whether it is useful to society, to human beings, and to the family.
American writer Stephen? Poulter believes that the mother's big pattern affects the life of the children, and even the atmosphere of a family, only if the mother has a big pattern of the family, the child can embrace the sunshine and touch happiness.
It turns out that Ni Guizhen was right, and it was precisely because of this high standard of cultivation of her children that she indirectly changed the fate of the whole of China.
It should be noted that later, among her six children, the third daughter, Song Meiling, became the wife of the Kuomintang leader Chiang Kai-shek, the second daughter Soong Ching-ling became the wife of the father of the country, Sun Yat-sen, the eldest daughter Song Xialing became the helmsman of the Chen family, one of the four major families of the Republic of China, and the eldest son, Song Ziwen, became the minister of finance of the Republic of China, and the other two sons of the Song family also became top talents in various fields.
One door of six children, six children are talented, but also out of two first ladies, the reason behind this is obviously not related to luck, but just related to Ni Guizhen's education and influence on her children.
Obviously, the six children of the Song family have all done what Ni Guizhen expected: beneficial to society and the country. What kind of education can make Ni Guizhen raise such outstanding children? The answer is simple: she used her body to teach and speak, so that her six children have a big pattern.
Pattern refers to the internal layout of psychological elements such as a person's vision, mind, behavior, and insight of the world, which cannot be seen or touched, but it affects all aspects of a person's life at all times.
Ni Guizhen's pattern has been different from that of ordinary women, and her general pattern reflects the mode of getting along between husband and wife, and it is more reflected in the education of children.
Contemporaries all adhered to the traditional concept of "women without talent is morality", but Ni Guizhen always felt that women shouldered the same heavy responsibility as men, so they should receive the same education as men.
When her three daughters were still young, she decided to send a few children to study abroad. At that time, China was in a dilemma of internal and external troubles, and she often taught her children that we must keep the life and death of the country in mind, and we must remember to seek the welfare of the country and the people after returning from school.
Ni Guizhen believes that children must first learn to be independent in order to become successful, and the key to learning independence is for parents to let go first. Therefore, Song Washi was sent to boarding school at the age of 5, and she was sent abroad at the age of 16.
What makes people today stunned is that compared with Song Xialing's 16-year-old study abroad, Song Qingling's age abroad is younger: 8 years old.
Is it safe for the child to go to a foreign country to study in a foreign country at a young age? The answer is: not assured. But no matter how uneasy she is, she can only rest assured that she can only be assured for the sake of her children's success.
It is said that Ni Guizhen dared to let her children of several years go to study in a foreign country, and she did not rely on more than just courage. In fact, as early as the children were just three or four years old, she began to prepare for their long journey.
In Ni Guizhen's eyes: the sooner the child becomes independent, the more successful the parents will be. Therefore, she will never spoil her children, on the contrary, she is very willing to let her children suffer.
Obviously, the family situation is already very good, but Ni Guizhen always seizes every gap to teach girls to cook and cook, teach boys to sort out internal affairs, and she also specially asked someone to teach her daughters needlework and female workers.
Ni Guizhen did this in order to cultivate their ability to live independently.
While cultivating children's independent ability, Ni Guizhen also pays attention to the cultivation of children's virtues. Ni Guizhen knows better than anyone how far her parents have on her children, so she not only pays attention to her words and deeds on weekdays, but also often takes her children to help the poor.
Sometimes she brought food to poor families with her children, sometimes she helped care for sick children in the village, and sometimes she opened classes for people who had not yet attended school.
Ni Guizhen did not understand politics, but she greatly appreciated her husband's behavior of investing a lot of money to support revolutionary activities, and she did not forget to say to her children: "This is to contribute to the country, and you will follow suit in the future." ”
The influence of the mother on the child can never be underestimated, and to some extent, she is even directly related to the fate of the country, as the famous German educator Fluebbels said:
"The fate of the people is not so much in the hands of those in power as in the hands of their mothers."
Few people know that the fate of China at that time was also in the hands of Ni Guizhen, in the hands of a mother like Ni Guizhen.
Ni Guizhen, who has a big pattern, eventually cultivates children who have the same sound personality and big pattern as her, and they are like her mother Ni Guizhen.
This kind of "likeness" sometimes reaches the point where Ni Guizhen herself is surprised, Ni Guizhen herself once chose her lover according to her own wishes, and her daughters also rushed to follow suit.
The second daughter, Soong Ching Ling, fell in love with the Kuomintang leader Sun Yat-sen, who was 27 years older than herself, and for this reason, she did not hesitate to jump out of the window to marry him. The third daughter, Song Meiling, later ignored the opposition of her eldest sister, Song Yiling, and resolutely chose Chiang Kai-shek, a prominent Member of the Kuomintang who had been married for the second time.
Speaking of which, if it weren't for the influence of their mothers, would they have had the courage to break through everything and make this choice? The answer is hard to say!
In their bones, like their mother Ni Guizhen, they knew what they wanted very early on, and they knew how to want it. Yes, in the face of fate, they have always been in control.
Probably her greatest success as a mother is watching her children look up to her, imitate her, but eventually surpass her. Ni Guizhen did this: her children have largely surpassed her.
In 1943, when Song Meiling, dressed in a cheongsam, stunned the United States with seven smooth and moving speeches in English, although few people knew: her fluent English was the enlightenment of her mother, and the big pattern of her words was also the result of her mother's influence. But these "few people know" did not prevent her from becoming the greatest and most powerful mother in modern times.
Song Yiling once said to his siblings: "Our mother is the greatest mother in the world." Nowadays, this statement has been recognized by more and more Chinese people.
It is also through Ni Guizhen that the world began to understand that "it is always the mother who really determines the height of a family and the future of the child!" It was also through her that people began to agree with Cai Yuanpei's words in "The Cultivation of Chinese":
"What determines a child's life is not academic performance, but sound personality."