Reciprocity and balance in feelings are actually very important.
Two days ago, my friend Ah Jie and her boyfriend broke up because of seeing their parents.
After the argument, she decided to reconsider the relationship.
At first, I thought she was too impulsive and wanted to persuade her to calm down, give each other a little more time to run in, understand and tolerate each other.
But after listening to her story, I changed my mind.
Here's the thing.
They have been together for more than three years, and the boy's parents have always wanted to see Ah Jie and want to settle their marriage as soon as possible.
Ah Jie's parents also want to meet the boy, wondering whether the person who is in love with their daughter is worth the daughter's lifelong trust.
Ah Jie consulted with her boyfriend, asking him when he was free, whose parents he would go back to to see first, and what kind of gifts he needed to buy if he went back.
From discussing the time of meeting to choosing gifts, the whole process is Ah Jie alone in Zhang Luo.
She pushes one step, and the boyfriend takes one step.
Ah Jie asked him what he meant, did he really want to go to see his parents?
The boyfriend said, "You can meet you if you want, I'll do whatever I want." ”
This seems to be very easy-going, no opinion, in fact, it is also very passive, it does not matter how.
Ah Jie was angry, and she suddenly remembered that it seemed that he had always had this attitude in the past few years that they had been together.
No matter what happens, she is actively circling and reconciling.
Even on the day the relationship was first established, it was the layer of window paper that she had first opened her mouth to break.
Ah Jie said: "In fact, in this relationship, I don't mind taking the initiative and paying first. What I care about is whether he really takes me to heart. ”
There is a passage that says:
"Love is a double dance, and I don't mind if both of us don't dance well. But I minded that I was the only one jumping and the other was standing by and watching. ”
Deeply.
The so-called love is not that one party constantly takes the initiative and pays, but the other party is indifferent. Nor is it that one party has taken 99 steps and the other is still in place and refuses to take a step.
A relationship that can really go long-term requires both sides to be on the same front, looking in the same direction, with the same goal, and going hand in hand.
After the two people had a big fight, Ah Jie calmed down and looked back at their relationship.
She found that from the beginning to the present, the relationship was basically driven by her.
Boyfriends are usually very busy at work, although they live in the same city, or even in the same district, but there are not many opportunities to meet.
When they don't meet, they rely on WeChat chat to understand and care about each other.
But every Time weChat chats, it is Ah Jie's head; at the end of the chat, she is also at the bottom.
Many times, she talks to him, and it always takes half a day or a day or two to get a reply.
Occasionally go out to eat, watch a movie, the place is also Ah Jie to find, movie tickets are also Ordered by Ah Jie.
If she didn't initiate, their story would have ended.
Obviously, they are the two closest people, but once WeChat is closed, they can't find any contact.
Just like now, after they quarreled, the boy had not sent a message to Ah Jie for two days and called.
Ah Jie finally couldn't help it, took the initiative to go to him and asked him:
"Actually, you never really loved me, did you?" You say you're too lazy to think too much, think too far, and it's going to put stress on you. These are all excuses, you just don't like me enough. ”
I thought he would explain and would keep it, but I didn't expect him to say:
"If you think so, I can't help it."
At that moment, She said, she realized how stupid, humble, and unworthy she was in the relationship.
He doesn't take the initiative, doesn't do anything, doesn't matter, not because he really thinks everything is good, but because he hasn't planned these things at all.
In his planning for the future, there was no involvement of her at all.
Because I don't love enough, I don't care enough; because I don't care enough, I don't care enough.
There is a very classic bridge section in the TV series "The First Half of My Life".
After Tang Jing learned about He Han and Luo Zijun, he went to find He Han and took off the engagement ring in person and returned it to him.
Tang Jing said:
"You always hesitated not to get married, it turned out that you didn't want to get married, you just didn't want to marry me. You say you don't love people very well, but it's just because I'm not the person you really want to love. ”
If you really like it to the bone, all difficulties and obstacles will be solved without a teacher.
And all the unwanted, won't, don't understand, don't take the initiative, are just excuses.
There is only one real reason, and that is not enough to like it.
Although human nature is selfish, it will not be treated casually for what they like.
Therefore, I hope that all girls can always stay awake when they are in love, and can distinguish whether the other party really likes and loves you.
Are you willing to take the initiative to do something for you and prove your love for you with practical actions?
Only such a boy is worth cherishing.
- END -
Author: Jiang Classmate & Xin He, 97 years of sagittarius female, love to eat hot pot, I have wine, waiting for you to come to me nagging. Public number: Jiang classmate with a story (ID: meiya54264), please contact the background for reprinting.
Lucky to meet, just in time.