The author | Lee Wan Wan
At noon today, Wang Lihong issued an apology statement, and this divorce farce is over.
When things first broke out, some friends sent me private messages and asked me to talk about my views.
I don't have a position, especially since I've recently been obsessed with studying the world's major events and have become a little numb to my children's love.
Besides, this is not the first time that this is a similar thing, in the past few years, especially in the past year or two, it is such a thing to turn over and over, the difference is not big, the only difference is that there is a change of owner.
Since the fermentation of things, everyone has been scolding Wang Lihong, and I will not scold, for four reasons:
First, because if in order to scold a person, there is no need to write an article, just go to his Weibo below the crazy output;
Second, because there are enough people who scold him, not many of me;
Third, because I have always felt that in public events, venting emotions does not make much sense, and participating in a huge crusade with personal emotions and positions is just a carnival and will not bring any sense of progress, after all, if scolding is useful, such things should have disappeared long ago;
Fourth, because, from my personal cognition and feelings, I think he is quite pitiful.
Saying that Wang Lihong is pitiful is not to offend those who support Li Lianglei, Li Lianglei's suffering is in everyone's eyes, there is no need to repeat it, both of them are victims of this marriage tragedy - there is no winner.
Now that the dust has settled, I'll talk about a few issues related to us in this matter.
1. Why did Li Lianglei want to take revenge on Wang Lihong?
Li Lianglei's behavior can basically be defined as a revenge.
In her first voice, she said, "I think that only by facing it bravely and honestly can everything return to zero, and we can each have a chance to be born again."
The meaning of this sentence is probably to say, OK, the fish death net is broken, I ruined you, I also ruined myself, give myself a broken thought, and no longer fantasize that you can come back.
This kind of psychology is very common, many people who have been broken up and divorced have, when there is no hope of redemption, they think of destroying each other, or ruining their own way to continue to save, but fantasizing.
Some people will feel that Li Lianglei is retaliating against this, and it is clear that she is premeditated to ask for money.
Although it is natural to ask for money, I think she does not need to do this, and this is not her original intention, because she is a Mi countryman, and the American people also talk about the rule of law, if you want money to come to Weibo to write a small essay, this can only show that the construction of the legal system on the other side of the Pacific Ocean still has a long way to go.
So, what kind of stimulation did Li Lianglei receive before she decided to break the net?
Cheated because of feelings?
No.
The things that Wang Lihong did, she knew very early on, this is not the same as Luo Zhixiang deceiving Zhou Yangqing, Zhou Yangqing was really deceived and kept in the dark, and Li Lianglei did not know what Wang Lihong had done in the past in the past few days.
In my opinion, what stimulated Li Lianglei was that Wang Lihong's divorce statement seemed to be light and indifferent, and her behavior after the divorce was just announced seemed to be at ease - this hurt Li Lianglei's self-esteem.
Such examples abound, and it was precisely for this reason that Li Yutong accused Xue Zhiqian. When Li Yutong accused Xue Zhiqian, they had all broken up for several years, but just when Xue Zhiqian and Gao Leixin were reunited, her anger was ignited - you made me feel bad, why did you live so well?
These cases illustrate a truth: all blessings on each other are false. Hoping that the other party has a good life needs to have a premise, that is, the other party is not living well. Just because I am afraid that he will not have a good life, I am afraid that he will live too well.
The lesson of Wang Lihong's tragedy to us is that we all have to fall in love, we all have to get married, and we are likely to break up and divorce, if you are the one who takes the initiative to break up and mention divorce, you still have to keep a low profile as much as possible, and your posture should still be lowered.
In this era when feelings are deified, in this era when new people who have just broken up will be regarded as unfaithful to the last relationship, in this era when everyone has cameras and keyboards, low-key handling of feelings is a new skill we need to learn - love, low-key; marriage, low-key; breakup, low-key; divorce, low-key; second marriage, low-key; second divorce, low-key - the previous idea of loving or not loving a person should be buried.
2. Why did Wang Lihong obviously have three children in a row and delay divorce when he was not happy?
Wang Lihong said that their marriage lasted for 5 years and 8 months, and since March 2014, they have begun to see psychologists specifically for marriage - they were married on November 27, 2013, indicating that there was a problem less than three months after marriage, and it was still a big problem, otherwise they would not have gone to see a psychologist.
Someone asked, you Wang Lihong does not love her, why do you want to marry her? You're not happy, why don't you get divorced sooner and have children again and again?
People who ask these questions, at a glance, are lack of understanding of marriage and human nature, born as human beings, courage is the most scarce thing in our species, most of the pain, because of the lack of courage and appear, the kind of people who say to go, say to do, say leave, I grew up so big I have ever seen.
Most people, to leave, to go away, to break up, to divorce, basically because of the last resort, is really a way to make a decision, so many married people, their most common homework is to paralyze themselves, every day to persuade themselves to live, make up, get by.
Celebrities have the difficulties of stars, such as worrying about the damage of public image and the collapse of human design, but stars also have the same feelings and helplessness as ordinary people.
For example, there are a large number of people in life who live in this helplessness, especially those who are married twice. The first marriage, unhappy, helpless, left. After leaving, because I met a new love or was forced by the pressure of my parents/society, I got married again.
In the second marriage, he was unhappy, there were ten thousand thoughts of divorce in his heart, he did not dare to divorce easily, and all the courage in his heart about divorce had been consumed in advance when he first divorced.
Courage is a good thing, even a rarer and more precious thing than money, more precious than love, but unfortunately we don't have it, so many things are doomed to its tragic end from the beginning.
3. Why did Wang Lihong get married?
Unlike many people's reasons for divorce, Wang Lihong's tragedy today is caused by marriage.
Judging from the descriptions of Wang and Li (such as finding a psychologist just after marriage), Wang Lihong's backdoor behavior before and after marriage, and the emotions he expressed in some interviews, he actually resisted marriage, and married Li Lianglei, or married and had children, in his heart, more or less unwilling.
In an interview, Lu Yu asked him, "What is the craziest thing you've ever done for love?" ”
Wang Lihong's answer is that in fact, marriage is also a crazy thing, and having children is also a very crazy thing.
This shows that from beginning to end, Wang Lihong not only did not expect to get married, but also did not be tamed by marriage after marriage, in his heart, I think he should yearn for singleness and freedom.
The question is, why did Wang Lihong not want to get married, but eventually got married?
The reason is simple, because he is a descendant of the dragon.
The most important mission of the dragon is to pass on the people, that is, to pass on the generations - we are all the descendants of the dragon.
Now many people, the purpose of marriage, is to make their parents shut up. If you don't get married, your parents will talk about you every day and worry about you every day. You were taught from an early age to be filial to your parents and not to make them sad, and your parents feel that you are the most concerned or even the only thing they care about when you get married and have children.
In the face of the visible or invisible pressure of your parents, you are ashamed, self-blamed, anxious, and desperate, but in the end, you are forced to marry in a hurry.
You think that everything will be fine when you get married, or you also understand that marriage is only a stopgap measure, the hard days are still ahead, even at the moment of marriage, you know that there will be a divorce in the future, but you can't manage so much, you can only burn your eyebrows.
Wang Lihong's tragedy is that he succumbed to his parents at the beginning, which led to his betrayal of himself in the first place. So, then there was a betrayal of morality, a betrayal of his wife, a betrayal of marriage.
It cannot be said that this is cowardice, nor can it be said that it is a lack of courage, after all, in our culture, the power of parents is too strong.
The strength of parents is not that the child cannot resist, but that the child himself is willing to obey, and the heart wants to disobey the parents will feel that he is not human.
Because this culture of parental manipulation of children will exist for a long time, tragedies such as Wang Lihong will be repeated.
Originally, in a benign, ideal environment, we were born as human beings, want to be single, want to fall in love, want to get married, do not want to marry, do what you want, as long as you do not violate the law, do not betray morality and do not hurt others, but unfortunately we still live in a strong culture of filial piety, on the one hand, parents worry about their children all their lives, on the other hand, children are worried about their parents all their lives.
Our parents were pathetic, and so were we.
A sigh.
4. Why did Li Lianglei suffer so many injuries but did not take the initiative to divorce?
The problem is similar to the second one, but it is fundamentally different.
Wang Lihong never wanted to get married, getting married was just his helpless move, and Li Lianglei was yearning for marriage.
If Wang Lihong did not yearn for marriage, and Li Lianglei did not yearn for marriage, they would not be able to get married; if Wang Lihong wanted to divorce and Li Lianglei also wanted to, then they would have left long ago, even if they were only leaving now, Li Lianglei would not be so desperate to shoot at her ex-husband.
Li Lianglei is tied to the meaning of life and marriage, Wang Lihong has no marriage, he still has a career, music, and fans, but Li Lianglei has no marriage, she has nothing - at least she herself thinks so, otherwise she would not have been patient and bitter.
At this point, Li Lianglei is no different from ordinary housewives, or with ordinary married women, and some people may feel that she does not want to divorce because of the luxurious life of the Wang family, the upper circles that Can be contacted by Wang Lihong, and the vanity status of the "second sister-in-law" obtained because of Wang Lihong - these things may be there, but they are not the point, because these despair and anger she shows are also common to women who face divorce.
All along, the concept accepted by women is a culture of worship of love, marriage, and family, and love, marriage, and family are higher than their own existence, which also leads to their sacrifice for love, sacrifice for marriage, sacrifice for family, hope for men, and live in fantasy.
If men are leaving, marriages are coming to an end, and families are going to be separated, they will be like people who have fallen into the water and desperately grasped everyone or thing they can catch.
Therefore, in the story of Wang and Li, such a situation was formed:
One wants to desperately keep, one wants to desperately break free.
The person who wants to keep says that if you have to go, you will not let me live; the person who wants to break free says, if you don't let me go, you won't let me live.
Wang Lihong and Li Lianglei are both losers, and everyone feels that they have lost everything.
And in life, around you, around me, there are different Wang Lihong, there are different Li Lianglei.
Even, we ourselves are Wang Lihong and Li Lianglei.
——End——