Under the recent release of "Night Reading", a reader mentioned a word called "friendship without response":
A good friendship must allow you to be yourself and feel comfortable. What does that comfortable state of friendship look like?
01
There is no need to respond all the time
Some friends are like this: you see what is fun and good-looking, you will share it with him casually, and you don't care whether the other party will reply, when to reply, is simply to synchronize with his life, the other party may not reply, the next time you talk about directly talk about something else, you may also reply every half a day. There is no ride, it is very easy.
Some friends are like this: chatting, chatting and disappearing, not saying hello, and you will not wait or think more, and you will not feel that it is embarrassing to suddenly end the chat, and turn your head to busy yourself. I don't know how long later, the other party came back, said something just now or did not say anything, the two people can continue to talk, as if nothing happened, very casual.
There are also some friends who are like this: you are more emotional at three in the middle of the night, and you don't care what time you send WeChat directly to ask: "What are you doing?" "If the other party returns, talk about it, and if you don't reply, you will sleep emotionally." If the next day when he asks you what's wrong, your emotions in the middle of the night have passed, and he won't ask. That's it, it's a tacit understanding.
A comfortable friendship that doesn't require constant response and doesn't want to guess around.
02
It is possible to say no without pressure
"Don't know how to refuse others" Is the social pain point of many people: Obviously not so familiar, I want to lie at home on weekends, but in the face of the other party's warm invitation, I can't say how to refuse; I want to eat hot pot instead of stir-frying, afraid that others think that I have a lot of things, so I echo "good and good"; obviously I am also very busy, but I don't know how to push away the "raise of hands" in the eyes of others...
Sometimes, in order to maintain an amiable image in others, rejection becomes a difficult thing to open, and even if you refuse, you will feel pressure and even regret in your heart.
But in the face of those friends who really make us feel comfortable, there will never be such concerns, friends send invitations, no matter what is wrong, if you don't want to go, you can't go, you don't need to go, you don't need to have psychological pressure because of rejection, don't have to look ahead, and don't have to bend over backwards, because you know that the other party will never go to the heart, because you know that the relationship between each other will never be alienated because of one or two rejections.
Those who refuse continue to do their own business, and those who are rejected should do what to do, and when they say goodbye, they are still as unsatisfactory as ever.
03
Sudden thoughts can also be responded to
Do you have any moments in your life when you suddenly "bless your heart"? For example, you are walking well on the way home, and suddenly you want to go through the city to eat a restaurant that you ate a long time ago; for example, you are on work, turn your head and find that it is snowing outside, and suddenly want to find someone to go to the park to play in the snow; for example, at ten o'clock on Friday night, you look at the ticket for no reason and want to fly to another city the next morning...
Many times, these sudden, bizarre, and slightly crazy ideas may just come out of their heads and retract, and we don't have the courage to put them into practice.
But if you're lucky enough, when you tell your friends about these sudden thoughts, you'll get a response, and they'll be in the group, on the other end of the phone, simply and directly: Go up! A "click" meets the expectations in your heart!
This friendship is like in the vast and dark wilderness, you raise your hand lamp and flash and call for your kind, and in the distance, another lamp is clearly extinguished to respond to you. It's wonderful.
04
You can say anything or nothing
Between friends, you can say anything: as small as a gossip you hear today, how noisy the children in the family are noisy, the favorite team has lost a ball, from the hot social news, the new national policy; you can say such practical things as buying vegetables, cooking, sending babies to school, you can also talk about how flowers bloom, whether aliens really exist; you can praise each other, you can also hate each other...
Among friends, you can also say nothing: even if you sit quietly all day, you read your book, I drink my tea, there is no embarrassment, but I feel very happy, very stable, very calm; even if I encounter things, you just stand by and hold my hand, I can feel peace of mind and strength.
A comfortable state of friendship is that you can "say nothing" or "have nothing to say.". You will catch my desire to share where there is nowhere to be found, and you will understand all my desires to stop and remain silent.
05
You don't have to act like you're awesome in front of each other
Adults want to show their strong side on many occasions, and it is inevitable that they will want to show some "I am very powerful" appearance, not to talk about disguise, but most people are tense and tired.
But this is not needed at all in friendship, because the premise of friendship is sincerity and equality, in front of real friends, you can relax, can not be perfect, not strong, just like a six-year-old child wrote in the composition: love is when you lose a front tooth, but you can still smile calmly, because you know your friends, will not stop loving you because of your incompleteness.
This kind of "calmness" is the most comfortable state in friendship, to be the most authentic self, to throw away the mask of strength, to throw away the shackles of perfection, and to show my softness, vulnerability and shortcomings generously, because I know that in front of you, I am still loved.
When you grow up, some friends inevitably drift apart, but as one netizen said: "True friends should be that although they can only meet once in a long time, every time they meet, they will not feel that time has made us lack a common language, nor do they need to spend energy to explain the causes and consequences of those things that happen when they are not each other, as if they just had tea and chat together yesterday." ”
Three autumns are gone, as if every other day.
May you find friends who are comfortable to get along with, and may you be together for a long time, from summer flowers to winter snow, and experience human affairs together.
Text/CCTV News "Night Reading"
Photo/Visual China
Share your patterns with your friends
Producer 丨 Xu Bing Editor-in-Chief 丨 Wang Ruolu
Editor 丨 Yang Yuting
© CCTV News
Scan the QR code below to download the CCTV news client to see more news