Text | Arctic Circle
This article was first published at ten o'clock
What does life look like when people are old?
This week, "Can't Forget the Farm" went on, and I found the answer from it.
This variety show continues the consistent style of the first two seasons of "Can't Forget the Restaurant", and the third season focuses on the nursing home, truly showing the old age life that we are familiar with but have never experienced.
In the first episode, guests Huang Bo, Tong Liya, and Yoko Spicy receive their first task - playing the old man.
They erase delicate makeup, paint old age makeup, wear earplugs, and carry weights on their backs, legs, arms, and necks.
In the moment when I couldn't stand up straight, I deeply experienced the wonderful use of crutches.
There is no healthy and flying pace, it is common to hear the sound, and the burden of the body makes Tong Liya feel sore in her waist and legs.
Seeing this, I deeply understand the helplessness brought about by the elderly's slow movement, forgetfulness and the back of the ear.
Thinking about it carefully, after having my own small family, for my parents and mothers, I only have the company of the New Year's Festival, and most of the exchanges are also shallow.
Many elderly people will be sent to nursing homes by their children, or voluntarily enter nursing homes, is this really their real need?
In fact, we rarely get really inside them.
And what do they really crave in their hearts?
Live in a nursing home,
Just change places to hold on and wait
Many people feel that living in a nursing home is equivalent to opening the countdown to death.
For the elderly, what they fear is waiting than death.
What frightens them even more is that until the end of their lives, they have not yet waited for the person who has his heart in mind.
The Thai documentary "Nursing Home" directs the camera to the most common daily life of the "empty nest elderly" in the nursing home.
The nursing home was exceptionally clean, with the elderly walking barefoot in the corridors, and the faint aroma of soap wafting in the air.
4 of the 21 elderly caregivers are specially cared for, and the kind caregivers chat with their grandparents every day to relieve their boredom.
Indeed, life in the nursing home is not bad, but what the elderly expect most is that their relatives at home give them the last bit of warmth.
A caregiver said:
"Some elderly people call home, and as soon as they hear the voices of their families, they can't suppress their crying. From morning to night, the old man expects his children to see them. Many times, when children send the elderly, they say that they will often come to see and call often, but once they leave, they will sink into the sea without a trace. ”
There was a grandfather who was sent by the government, and his daughter never came to see him.
Because his daughter didn't know he was here, he didn't know where her daughter was.
He knew he wouldn't live long, and he probably wouldn't be able to meet in his lifetime.
It is a warm and sad place, and there will always be new old people coming, and there will be old people who will die.
No one can predict the time of their death, and the moment they can be with their children is joyful;
When you say goodbye, you will begin to fall into fear.
Because, no one knows if they will survive to the next meeting.
There was an old grandmother who immigrated abroad because her children immigrated, became a family, and had children.
Usually busy with work, busy with children, only wait for the ticket discount will return to china to see the mother.
Also, I only come back once a year.
She said she was particularly afraid of old age and death because her grandchildren and granddaughters had not grown up and wanted to see them grow up.
In the old age, it is sad that there are no children to accompany them.
They had no light in their eyes and looked out the window.
Aimlessly clinging, the hope that cannot wait.
Sending the elderly to a nursing home seems to be the best of both worlds, but there is a lot of helplessness hidden.
Although the complete configuration of the nursing home can solve the physical problems, psychological loneliness needs children to heal.
The elderly who have no children to visit, but they have changed places to continue to be lonely and waiting.
For parents
We have been indebted
Some time ago, a video on Douyin broke my defenses.
A 94-year-old grandfather Xu in Hangzhou suddenly forgot the way home when he went out to buy fruit for his daughter.
In the surveillance footage, Grandpa Xu braved the scorching sun, carrying a bag of fruit, limping and walking slowly on the road.
Fortunately, with the help of the police, Ms. Xu found her father on the side of the road.
"Dad, how did you go out without saying a word?" I've all gone to the police station! I've been looking for you for a long time! ”
The impatient Ms. Xu was angry and complained about her father's nonsense.
Grandpa Xu, like a child, happily raised his hand to show his daughter, and his mouth chanted:
"Grapes, watermelons... It's all your favorite food here. ”
Ms. Xu suddenly understood, and couldn't help but wet her eyes...
There will always be someone in the world who silently gives love behind your back and does not ask for anything in return.
That's our parents.
Even if you are old, even if you forget everything, you will never forget to love you.
Young people who are now working outside the home lack the companionship and care for their families.
From this point of view, we actually owe a debt to our parents at home.
A few months ago, I took a moment to accompany my mother to the supermarket, and when I walked to the shelf, she suddenly stopped.
The mother blushed and murmured:
Your grandmother used to like to buy this for me to eat, but since then I have no mother.
It was the first month of my grandmother's death, and looking at my mother, who was nearly sixty years old, my nose was sore.
In the past, I always felt that there was still a lot of time, and I would have the opportunity to honor them in the future.
However, looking at the newly grown wrinkles on their faces and the increasing gray hair, I knew that they were really old.
There's a saying that's true:
All the love in the world is for the sake of being together, but only the love of the parents points to separation.
Parents in this life, 24 hours for the child standby, is desperately to give you the best, in the end in exchange for what?
However, how many children grow up, but always hang up the phone of their parents on the grounds of "too busy work", "too much homework", and "not enough time", ignoring the care and companionship of their parents.
Parents watch their children get better and better, but their bodies are getting worse and worse, perhaps in order not to drag their children down, they will hide their illness and take the initiative to enter the nursing home.
They have worked hard all their lives in exchange for their children's long-distance flight.
They only want their children to have a safe and smooth life, but it is difficult for us to accompany them through the last period of time.
At the end of the day, we really owe our parents so much.
Never let love
Leave regrets
How can we make up for our parents and fulfill ourselves?
It's really hard to have both.
If you want to go far and fly high, you will inevitably owe your family; if you stay with them, you will owe yourself.
In the third season of "The Reader", Kang Hui showed a special photo with his mother, and a line was marked under the photo:
Because I didn't have a photo with my mother recently, I put together one myself.
Kang Hui said frankly,
When my mother was seriously ill, she was very busy at work and often had to sacrifice time with her family.
On the day of his mother's death, he was about to board a plane to complete a very important task abroad.
When he heard the news of his mother's death, he was shocked and distressed, and all his regrets and guilt turned into tears, and he cried as a big man on the plane.
Now, Kang Hui wants to find a little memory from the album, but finds that the mother and son have not been photographed.
Because he was too determined at the time, there were many, many opportunities for him to take photos with his mother.
Man is like this, and only when the real parting comes can he feel real pain.
As Kang Hui said in his article to the deceased mother:
It is always said that loyalty and filial piety cannot be both, and no one blames me for this, but this pain in the heart is only found so unbearable when it really comes
Unfortunately, life does not have a chance to start again, and missing out is only endless regret and regret that is too late.
Remember Dong Jie's new drama "Hello! In "Mother Adult", the last scene of the shot is moving.
The mother taught her son to ride a bicycle, and after the mother let go of his hand, the son rode forward slowly and steadily, becoming more and more stable.
Looking back, the figure of the mother became more and more blurred.
"I don't know if I'll forget it one day, but I can always have it after I write it down."
Our lives are constantly pursuing our ideal goals, focusing on forgetting some "small things".
Forget to go home to eat, forget to answer the phone calls from parents, forget the frequency of dad snoring, forget the taste of mom's dish...
Finally, forget the one who loves us the most.
Unfortunately, when they actually left, we wanted to remember the beauty of the past, but our minds were blurred.
Click "like", I hope that everyone will take action, take more time to accompany their families, and love them well, after all:
The face of the world, seeing one side is one less side.
Resources:
Thai documentary "Nursing Home"
(Some of the pictures come from the Internet, invaded and deleted)
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