"Raise a son, I lost half my life!"
She has a mischievous son, who has been very active since she was a child, and there is not a moment of peace of mind.
For example, sleep.
Every night at eight o'clock, she began to hypnotize her son, chanting the mantra over and over again: "It's eight o'clock, you want to go to sleep, are you sleepy?" ”
Then start a series of "bedtime rituals": brush your teeth, change your pajamas, read picture books...
Two hours later, her throat was smoking and her eyelids were fighting, but her son suddenly jumped up from the bed with clear eyes: "Mom, let's play 'Plants vs Zombies'..."
For example, playing with you.
Since having a son, she has become a "masochistic physique":
The same sentence is said three times, the son can hear that it is all a fluke, the first two sentences are the wind in the ear, and the back is basically roaring;
Play a game, either hit by his son's "iron head" and have blue eyes, or be hit by his metal plane to bleed on the scalp, or be kicked by the "shadowless scud" to the ribs "broken"...
Another example is writing homework.
As long as the son writes homework, he will either enter the "state of concentration": it is written that his eyes are straight and his mind is too vain;
Or the small movements continue: nibbling on fingers, playing with erasers, one will be thirsty, one will pee, one will sit and write, one will squat to write, once even with his feet, saying that he wants to try how to write without arms...
Where is the adopted son, it is clear that he has raised a "Sun Wukong".
Professor Ye Bin, a doctor of psychology, once said: "To raise boys, you must be able to bear the 'abuse'. ”
Scientific studies have shown that:
Boys have higher levels of dopamine in their blood, and dopamine increases the probability of impulsive, risk-taking behavior;
The boys' brainstem contains more spinal fluid, which makes them more physically vigorous and energetic;
Boys' prefrontal cortex develops late, and they are more likely to be impulsive, angry, and over-emotional;
The main male hormone in boys is testosterone, which brings higher aggression;
Slow learning, poor concentration, bad temper, noisy, destructive...
Raising children is not easy, and it is even more difficult to raise them well!
There are boys in the family, the eyes should be "blind", and the heart should be "big".
The moment my son lifted the bench, my heart was pierced
Xiao Gang is the son of a neighbor and has just entered junior high school this year.
In the impression of the surrounding neighbors, Xiao Gang has always been a good child who is obedient and sensible, and sometimes he can see children helping his parents to do housework together.
Xiao Gang's parents are also well-known good people in the eyes of the surrounding neighbors, and we all say that they educate their children well, because every exam, Xiao Gang's results are among the best in our community.
But all this, since I was a child, has been completely changed since I was a child.
One day at noon, there was a banging sound from Xiao Gang's house, similar to the sound of something smashing on the floor, and our family was just next door to Xiao Gang's house, and we could hear it clearly.
Everyone usually has a very good relationship, after all, distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors.
Hearing the sound, I went over and knocked on their door, and when Xiao Gang's father opened the door, he saw a bench lying on the ground, and Xiao Gang's mother's eyes were red, as if she had just cried.
Everyone comforted a few words, and then scattered home, and then Xiao Gang's mother talked to me about the situation at that time.
It turned out that at noon that day, Xiao Gang's mother nagged Xiao Gang twice because of the problem of grades, and took away the child's mobile phone, and as a result, the mother and son quarreled, and at the end, Xiao Gang could not suppress his anger, lifted the bench, and looked at his mother coldly.
Xiao Gang's mother said that this was the first time her son had done this to her, and the moment she lifted the bench, she felt as if her heart was pierced.
In fact, many families have had this situation, the boy's rebellious period, like a silent storm, quietly came.
However, many parents are not prepared.
Second, why is it not easy to raise boys?
Some people on the Internet joked that adopting a son and adopting a daughter are not the same, the daughter is the intimate little cotton jacket of the father and mother, and the son is a lawless, rebellious period is coming, and no one can control the little devil.
Even Professor Ye Bin, a doctor of psychology, said: Raising a son, you must be able to withstand "abuse".
So why is there such a big difference between adopting a daughter and adopting a son?
In fact, there is a lot of learning in this.
According to scientific research:
1. Boys have higher levels of dopamine in their blood, and dopamine can increase the probability of impulsive, risk-taking behavior.
2. In the brainstem of boys, there is more spinal fluid, which can make children more physically strong and more torturous.
3. Boys' prefrontal cortex develops late, so they are more likely to be impulsive, angry, and have extreme emotions.
4. The main male hormone in boys is testosterone, which will be more aggressive.
And when these qualities meet "adolescence", it can be said that Mars hits the earth, and boys will naturally be more prone to rebellion.
At this time, if parents can't handle and transition well, it is easy to trigger parent-child conflicts, and even a family parent-child crisis.
So what to do?
In fact, raising a boy is a six-word method: the heart should be "big", the eyes should be "blind", and the child's rebellion will naturally disappear.
Third, when the parents' hearts are "big" and the eyes are "blind", the child's rebellion disappears
Speaking of "big eyes blind", in fact, after summarizing and sorting, the following points can be listed.
The heart is big, the big is to respect the child and give the child his own space.
The heart is big, and the big is to allow the child to be slower and listen to the needs of the child.
Blind, blind is willing to let the child suffer and let him decide for himself.
Next, let's break down and share with you one by one, hoping that everyone can gain something when raising rebellious children.
First of all, allow the child to be slower and learn to listen to the needs of the child.
I have to say that the current pace of education is really too fast, and every parent wants their child to win at the starting line.
But for boys, be sure to have a big heart, allow him to slow down, and learn to listen to the needs of the child.
From a physiological point of view, boys themselves are easy to impulsive type, coupled with the arrival of puberty, but also Mars hit the earth, this time, not fast, but stability, allowing children to have a transition.
And boys do not like to express emotions, there is nothing, can only be in the heart, the more so, once the parents choose the tip of the needle to Mai Mang, the more likely to have problems.
Instead of that, stop criticizing your child's misbehavior and instead learn about the problems they may be experiencing right now.
For example, the neighbor's Xiao Gang, is in adolescence, the mother because of the regression of grades, come up to collect the mobile phone, the child will naturally resist, one or two, it is inevitable that there will be a big fight, affecting the parent-child relationship.
The right thing to do is to have a big heart, allow the child to slow down, and understand the problems that the child is currently experiencing and the problems that need the help of parents, so that it is the best solution.
Second, respect the child and give the child space.
The American writer Emerson Agridge once said in the book "Raising Boys": If you can only give a boy one thing, then give him respect.
And scientific studies have shown that boys are more sensitive, more vulnerable, and react more strongly to cowardly and undignified states.
What is even more heartfelt is that boys are even willing to give up love in order to gain dignity.
Like countless rebellious boys, for the sake of dignity, in order to prove their sense of existence, and even at the expense of their parents, there are many such cases.
So what should parents do? In fact, it is to learn to respect the child and give the child space.
What does it mean to be respectful in the true sense of the word? To put it bluntly, that is, parents learn to be soft, don't underestimate the soft, boys have a desire to protect, when you are soft to the child, the boy knows how to take care of your emotions, but understand your good intentions.
But most parents are too strong to want their children to listen to their own words, but this is actually not good.
Don't know how to serve softly, will not respect the child's parents, just like the spring, the more pressure you give, one day when the rebound, the farther the child flies, the greater the damage caused.
Finally, be willing to let the child suffer and let them decide for themselves.
Now parents have spoiled their children to heaven and can't eat a little bitterness, even if sometimes, children want to do something, parents are also looking ahead.
This is not good, the child has not suffered, he does not know the effort and diligence. Endurance and resistance to setbacks will also be relatively poor.
Professor Li Meijin, a psychologist, once said: The more people suffer in the early years, the better their later endurance will be.
Especially if you have a son at home, you must raise them bitterly, the more spoiled, the more lawless the child is, and after adulthood, when you encounter any problems, you are not willing to face them positively.
Therefore, when children are young, they take the initiative to let them be the lord themselves and eat more hardships of life in order not to eat the sufferings of life.
Children face more things, in order to more appreciate the good intentions of their parents, can they get better and better.
Message:
Let's go back to the problems encountered by xiao gang's family.
In fact, when we use this theory to solve the problem, the problem becomes very simple.
First of all, you can't take the test results too seriously, let the child slow down, maybe better, and then understand the child's needs and problems.
Second, when we know where the problem is, we respect the child's ideas and do our best to help the child and complete his ideas.
Finally, it is to let the child boldly try and make mistakes, work hard, and give him enough space.
Only in this way can the child escape the rebellion and continue to set out in the direction that the parents expect.
Source: New Parents Online