After a woman is thirty years old, don't put her mind on love

Text/Tang Jingnuo

Figure/ from the network, intrusion and deletion

Guide:

There are many girls who are trapped in love all their lives and can't get out, whether they are twenty, thirty, or forty years old, the goal is to find a ruyi langjun. If you are only twenty years old and are stuck in love all day, it is reasonable, but if you are more than thirty years old and still delay in small love all day, it is a manifestation of mental immaturity. After the age of thirty, may you see through the nothingness of love and focus more on realizing your self-worth. After all, where a person ultimately belongs, is not a family, nor is it also a man, it is self-actualization, even if you are a girl. The following is from three aspects to interpret why love is essentially a delusion.

1. Physically, love is a desire

The most ideal state in a relationship between the sexes is that two people who love each other and love each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually, respectively, is, of course, rare.

But even if two people together love each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually, it would be a delusion if the two people did not have their own self-foundation.

Let's first interpret love physiologically. Physical love, also known as love desire, is mainly composed of desire, not feelings.

This kind of physical love is manifested as the "initial heartbeat" between the two sexes, and the first time two people meet each other because of one of the outstanding external characteristics of the other party, they have a heartbeat for each other, and the core essence of this love is love desire.

The psychological basis of love is the "halo effect":

"In people's communication cognition, a particularly prominent feature and quality of the other party will cover up people's correct understanding of other qualities and characteristics of the other party." For example, if the cognitive object is marked as "good", he will be enveloped by the "good" aperture and be endowed with all good qualities. ”

This "halo effect" will slowly disappear as the two become familiar in the later period. However, when you have no heart for this familiar person, you will be moved by another unfamiliar person.

This kind of physical love is the most common in the relationship between the sexes, and most people enter marriage because of this emotion, unknowingly, this is a deception of nature.

When you flash marriage with each other because of love at first sight, most of the problems of flashing away and cheating will occur after marriage, which is the negative impact of the "halo effect".

2. Emotionally, love is a benefit

Many people feel that love is pure, does not contain a little impurity, and therefore, it is impossible to be utilitarian. But history has already told us that from the perspective of emotion, love is also a benefit.

Emotional love is commonly known as "good to me". This "good for me" must be based on two interests:

1. The other person has the ability to be good to you

2. You have to be equally good to each other

If you don't want to get out of bed one winter because it's too cold, if your partner is a capable person, he'll say, "It's okay, if you don't want to go to work, don't go."

If you are sick and in desperate need of hundreds of thousands of dollars for surgery, if your partner has no money, it will most likely watch you leave him.

If you have a capable partner who takes money to treat you when you're sick, it's bound to want you to step up when he needs you.

If you have a capable partner who doesn't want to go to work in the winter and asks you not to go to work, it's bound to want you to keep your home in order.

No one will be good to another person for a long time without asking for anything in return, and love is an interest from an emotional point of view, which is why most people look for a partner to be right.

3. Spiritually, love is a delusion

Many women with good economic conditions, but they are not married, which is closely related to their concept of marriage and love, and when their material life goes up, they want to find a soul mate.

The reality, however, is that a true soul mate is a romantic imagination, a delusion, which is to look at love from the spiritual point of view of love.

Writer Liao Yimei said: "In this world, it is not unusual to meet love and sex, but it is strange to meet and understand."

The reason why one person wants to gain the understanding of another person is because he is afraid of loneliness, so he wants to dispel loneliness with the love of his soul.

But the love of the soul is a delusion. A person can empathize with another person at a certain time or stage, and he cannot empathize with another person at any time of his life.

For for one soul to understand another must be born with him, to walk all the paths he has traveled, to read all the books he has read, to have loved all the people he has loved.

Obviously, the above situation is not possible.

Márquez said:

"Life has never been left alone and independent. Whether we are born, we grow, we fall in love, or we succeed or fail, until the end, loneliness exists like a shadow in a corner of life. ”

Therefore, soul mates are not available, do not try to use love to heal the loneliness of the heart, that is a romantic ideal that can never be realized.

In summary, whether it is physically, emotionally or spiritually, love is imperfect and cannot fill the emptiness in our hearts.

Therefore, after crossing this river of love, it is necessary to become mature, love cannot give people true happiness and belonging, you have to cross yourself.

The best way to cross yourself is self-actualization.