01
"The strong heart of the small body, especially the self-adjustment mentality to adapt to the environment when encountering setbacks, is the strength that children lack the most now, and we must take our children to watch this film."
Most people have a consistent high opinion of the movie "Heidi and Grandpa".
This cat's eye rated 9.5 film, adapted from the novel "Heidi" by the famous Swiss children's literature writer Johanna Spieli, has been adapted to the screen many times since its debut more than 100 years ago, and it is a classic in the history of children's literature.
There are many places that move people throughout the film, but the most impressive thing is Heidi's ability to withstand in the face of adversity. As an orphan whose parents died, he was not only abandoned by his aunt, but also abandoned by his grandfather. They kick little Heidi around like a leather ball, and if it's an average child, there must be a huge psychological shadow, right?
But Heidi was here with Grandpa, no crying, no self-pity, and no self-abandonment. When I was sleepy, I found a way to find a place to sleep, and when I couldn't get into the house, I went into the sheep pen and slept with a lamb.
The next day, I got up and greeted my grandfather happily, and then ran to find the spring water to wash my face and drink goat's milk. Even so, Grandpa still did not intend to take Heidi in, so he asked the priest to send Heidi to the orphanage. The priest asks Grandpa to take good care of Heidi first, and he needs time to find someone who is willing to take Heidi in.
Knowing that Grandpa didn't like herself, Heidi herded sheep for Grandpa herding. Sheep are herded during the day and curled up in the haystacks of the attic at night to sleep.
A few days later, Grandpa was impressed by Heidi's behavior. When she saw that Grandpa had made a new chair to suggest that she could stay, Heidi rushed into Grandpa's arms and hugged Grandpa tightly, her heart full of gratitude.
General Patton once said that the measure of a man's success is not the height of his summit, but the rebound of his fall to the bottom.
This rebound force, that is, the reverse quotient.
What is inverse quotient? It is a concept proposed by the American vocational training master Paul Stotts, its full English name is Adversity Quotient, referred to as AQ, mainly refers to a person's ability to withstand setbacks and the ability to fight against adversity when facing adversity.
The cultivation of reverse quotient has become the object of more and more parents' attention, because the level of anti-quotient is related to the future direction of children's lives.
A child can have no special skills, but must have a certain degree of reverse quotient.
02
These are the best times and the worst times.
This sentence in "A Tale of Two Cities" seems to be more accurate to describe the society we are in today.
In a society full of uncertainty, setbacks and blows seem to become common.
There will be no rainbow without experiencing wind and rain, and no one will succeed without experiencing trials.
But now children's reactions to difficult situations are not optimistic.
A friend once talked about how his daughter was always crying and didn't want to go to school. Logically, for children in the third grade, they should have adapted to school life long ago, and they usually go to school smoothly.
After some patient inquiry, the friend found that the reason why the daughter did not want to go to school was because of a criticism from the teacher.
The friend couldn't help but sigh, I don't know when it started, my daughter's heart is so fragile, as fragile as glass.
In fact, not only the daughter of a friend, but now more and more children have a "glass heart", which is both sensitive and easy to be injured.
There are many reports on the Internet: because parents do not allow children to play with mobile phones, summer vacation homework is not completed, and they have been criticized by parents and teachers, so they chose to end their lives.
There was a primary school student who had been a class president since he was in school, and when he was in the sixth grade, he failed to run for class president, and he could not accept it in his heart. Not only is there a reluctance to go to school, but even a hunger strike. In the end, he had to choose to take a one-year suspension from school and receive professional and systematic psychotherapy.
We do everything possible to teach our children how to succeed, but we forget to teach them how to face failure.
IQ and emotional intelligence are important, but inverse quotient cannot be ignored either.
Long Yingtai once said such a passage: We desperately learn how to successfully sprint a hundred meters, but no one has taught us: when you fall, how to fall with dignity; when your knees are broken and blurred with blood and flesh, how to clean the wounds and how to bandage; when you are in unbearable pain, what kind of expression to face others; when you are planted, how to treat the pain of blood flowing in your heart, how to obtain deep peace in the soul; how to clean up when your heart is broken like glass?
Improving contrarian quotient and learning to accept setbacks are compulsory courses on the road to growth of every child.
03
So how do you cultivate your child's contrarian quotient?
Many parents may not be unaware of the importance of cultivating contrarian quotient, but feel helpless. Many adults will also be confused: "Today's children, an occasional setback will make them suffer, if you deliberately let them face difficulties and increase the number of setbacks, is it not more dangerous?" ”
So here are a few points that need to be paid attention to:
1, do not "cultivate" for the sake of cultivation
Visiting the homeroom teacher in high school during the New Year, he mentioned that although the outstanding students during the school period, except for a few who played abnormally, all went to relatively good universities.
But ten years later, it was found that some of the good learning in that year were not as good as learning in the middle or even poor in learning. Even some honor students show extreme discomfort when they first enter college. Because in the past, compared with the local scope, he may be among the best, but after entering the university, the comparison scope was suddenly expanded to the whole country, and there were people outside the sky and people outside. Such a comparison is easily frustrated, and it is a great blow to the self-esteem of a long-term honor student. If the mental state is not good, it will be easy to collapse.
On the other hand, students who do not study well have long realized that others may be better than themselves, so they will not feel too flustered when they encounter setbacks.
When the two encounter setbacks, it is like jumping into the water for the first time and diving frequently.
This is not to say that the child is deliberately learning badly, or that the child is learning well, and it is necessary to create some interference to affect learning. This is a bit of a suspicion. Because we don't have to cultivate for the sake of cultivating at all.
What we need to be aware of is individual differences, blindly exercising the child's "strong" heart, either the child does not need it at all, or aggravating the child's sense of not being recognized, hitting the child's self-confidence.
At this time, it is better to really analyze the child's personality characteristics, let the child try the project that he is not very good at in his spare time, and set a goal that requires a certain degree of effort to achieve. The process may fail, but everyone solves it together, so that the child understands that it is normal to encounter things that they feel difficult, but as long as they are willing to try their best to solve it, there is nothing to be afraid of.
Give your child the opportunity to experience failure, but not for the sake of nurturing.
2, let children learn to find the reason from themselves
There was a fox that almost fell while climbing over a fence, but fortunately caught a rose. However, although the nose was blue and the face was swollen, the hand was punctured by the thorn of the rose.
The fox complained to Rose, "How do you help people?" I ask for your help, but how can you hurt me? ”
Rose said, "You were wrong, I originally had a thorn, and it was you who reached out and grabbed me yourself, and only then was I stabbed." ”
In real life, there are many such "foxes", when they encounter things, the first thing they think of is to find faults from others, but they have not thought about the real reasons.
In fact, what should really be done is not to blame, but to thank.
Children need to understand that we can't make roses not have thorns, but we can be more careful when walking on their own.
What we call reverse quotient today is that children need to learn to start from their own reasons, bravely face setbacks, and explore the essence of the problem together. In the absence of being able to change the outside world, do yourself well.
When the child has negative emotions, do not try to deny and resist, do not take it for granted that such emotions are not good, and quickly get rid of it.
Try to understand, accept reality, and know that the best way to control floods is through channeling.
Therefore, if you want to improve the contrarian quotient, you must learn to start from yourself and use the value that can be used, so as to achieve "reversal".
3, let the child develop an optimistic attitude
In his 2019 graduation speech, Harvard President Lawrence Bacco said that an optimistic attitude towards life is more important than anything else.
Looking back at the celebrities at home and abroad, all of them are optimistic people who live longer and more wonderfully.
Wang Yangming is an optimistic person, and he is also a person with a high anti-quotient.
In 1496, Wang Yangming was once again named Sun Shan in the examination. Some people cried at the scene of the list without seeing their names, but Wang Yangming was indifferent. Everyone thought he was overly sad, so they all came to comfort him.
Wang Yangming skipped a slight smile on his face and said, "You are all ashamed of Falling First, but I am ashamed of Falling First." ”
Subsequently, at the age of twenty-eight, he took the seventh place in the second class to supervise the Ministry of Political Works, and in the seventeenth year of Koji (1504), he became the chief of the Military Selection Division of the Military Department.
The optimism I understand is not blind optimism, but maintaining a good attitude at all times.
The night before dawn is the darkest, if you want to improve the contrarian quotient, survive the suffering, you must be inseparable from the optimistic star, guiding the way forward.
Nietzsche said, "Those who cannot kill you will make you stronger." ”
Raising children's contrarian quotient, we are always on the road.
End