01
Divorce is always different from a breakup, a breakup breaks up, it doesn't involve anything, it doesn't cost you anything to lose to each other, and we forget each other over time.
But divorce is different, people you have lived under the same roof, people who have slept, you have been with each other day and night, how can you say that you are not in touch? If you two have children, even if the marriage is dissolved, you will still have contact because of the children. Unless one of the parties is really "hard-hearted" or has done something that touches the bottom line, it doesn't even matter if it's own children.
How to deal with the relationship with her ex-husband after divorce?
Li Ying, a single mother, said: "If there are no children, I want to have no contact with my ex-husband." But there was no way, who let him be the father of my child. I hate my ex-husband, and psychologists say that the opposite of love is not hate, it is not love, but I feel that I still hate, and I would like to let him experience everything that has happened to him like me. Learn to let go, where is it so easy? After all, some things really happened, some pain, some hurt I experienced, how can I really forget? ”
After Li Ying divorced her ex-husband, the 1,000 yuan of child support promised by her ex-husband to give the child a month was not fulfilled, and the whole person seemed to disappear from the human world. At that time, Li Ying lived alone with her children, and she did not have the energy to contact him, Li Ying only wanted to take her son to live a good life.
Until later, when her son was about to go to elementary school, Li Ying wanted to change her son's name and surname, and at that time, she had no choice but to contact her ex-husband. When the ex-husband heard that Li Ying wanted to change her son's surname, he became angry and asked her what she was doing. Li Ying said, just because you are born and not raised, why do you let my son's surname be your surname after the divorce, do you deserve to be the father of the child? Ever given a penny?
It was Li Ying's first meeting with her ex-husband after the divorce, and it was another argument.
The ex-husband eventually compromised, because Li Ying had to move her hukou and he was going to remarry. Since the divorce, Li Ying has been busy packing up some things, and she has not had time to move her household registration. After her ex-husband agreed to change the child's surname, Li Ying moved her hukou and her son's hukou. My son is about to start elementary school, and some things have to be done.
It is also quite funny to say, after the ex-husband remarried, he also sent some photos with the current to stimulate Li Ying, and Li Ying showed off how happy he was with the current one, showed off the photos of their newborn children, and showed off that he bought a new house in order to reward the current ones.
Li Ying saw those photos, her teeth itched, she didn't want to endure these, she thought that she was almost out of the house in order to have children, and now her ex-husband was using these things to stimulate her. Li Ying was annoyed, "The tiger does not threaten, is it really when I am a sick cat", she turned around and took screenshots of all the chat records sent by her ex-husband, and then called and recorded the voice, directly suing him for maintenance.
I haven't thought about this with my ex-husband before because I don't want to connect with my ex-husband, but you can't let people bully you like this. Li Ying "confronted her ex-husband in court", and her ex-husband sold misery in court, saying that what he said was bragging and was false. Li Ying smiled on the spot: "Are you as for that?" In order not to give your own son money, your face is ugly to this point. I really hate how you married someone like you and had children. Fortunately, I am out of the sea of suffering, but I want the maintenance that belongs to my son, so why not? I used to be too stupid, but I'll figure it out with you later. If you don't pay alimony in the future, I'll continue to sue and see what you do? You want to live in peace. ”
Li Ying made trouble with her ex-husband, this is what her son should do, why not argue?
Later, Li Ying talked to her son about her ex-husband, and her son said: "Mom, when I was 6 years old, he only came to see me once, and he didn't buy me anything, and I saw him like a stranger. I'll have to wait until I'm 12 when he comes back, and my memory of him is too vague. You can rest assured, I will also pay him back in the future, and when he is old, I will also see him once every 6 years, and then I owe alimony, and I will treat him as much as he treats me. ”
Li Ying will not interfere with how her son treats his father, after all, she has nothing to do with her ex-husband, but what her son decides Li Ying will respect him.
Li Ying really hates her ex-husband to experience all the things she has experienced, it is best to marry the current is a negative woman, every day and night without returning to the type, it is best to wear a green hat for him, of course, she does not want her ex-husband to be better, after all, she has a vendetta against her ex-husband. But Li Ying couldn't manage so much, nor could she influence so much, and the ex-husband's affairs had nothing to do with her from the moment of divorce.
The ex-husband is a stranger to Li Ying, and to Li Ying's son, he is slowly a stranger, but he did it himself.
02
How to deal with the relationship with the child's father after divorce is a problem that many single mothers will face.
Like Li Ying's ex-husband, I support her and her ex-husband's death.
Li Ying is still more rational, her ex-husband sent photos to show off with her, she turned around and took a screenshot of the chat history to tell her ex-husband, why not pay child support? That's what the ex-husband should have done, you don't count with him, isn't it cheap for him to be with the current.
Li Ying also has a point that I admire, she is more knowledgeable, she does not say bad things about her ex-husband, what kind of person her ex-husband is letting the children judge for themselves. She also does not let the child hate his father, she does not want to add pain and psychological harm to the child, the son is already very poor. Besides, the affairs between her and her ex-husband really have nothing to do with her son. It was they who were sorry for their son and let his son bear so much innocently.
I remember the writer Yan Lingyang wrote in the book "I Am Divorced": Psychologically, no matter what the situation, children instinctively want to seek recognition from their parents, or seek parts similar to their parents. This "convergence" is brought about by genes, and subconsciously it points to: Look, I was really born of you.
Because of this, we cannot force our children to take a stand, nor can we let him suppress his love and sense of identification with either parent. Questions like "Do you love your dad more or your mom more?" and "Your mom and dad are divorced, who are you on your side?" do little to the child except to satisfy the ridiculous vanity and control of adults.
I've also written an article about a divorced woman who became friends with her ex-husband after the divorce, and she could become friends with her ex-husband mainly because there was no substantial harm in the marriage, and her ex-husband was still very responsible for the children. So with the heart of being responsible for the child, she became a friend with her ex-husband.
There are also some single mothers who have become enemies with their children's fathers after divorce, mainly because their children's fathers are not interested in children. My advice is this: If your ex-husband is still responsible for the children after the divorce, then don't stand in the way, don't deprive the children of the fatherly love they deserve. But if your ex-husband doesn't ask questions about the child, then he can imagine how the child will treat him in the future. Don't worry that the child will have a good relationship with her ex-husband, let him judge for himself, he will slowly understand what is going on when he is older.
Divorce does not change the fact that the ex-husband is the father of the child, but what the ex-husband does will affect the child's future feedback to him. If the ex-husband tears up the family affection on his own, you have nothing to say, let him go. You can hate it, or you can not forgive, but don't torture yourself with this hatred.
Live well, because you still have to take care of your children, and only if you are happy and happy, your children will be happy. Isn't it true that there is no husband and no father in life? It's not a big deal, you have to try to make yourself a good life.
Today's topic: After the divorce, how did you relate to your ex-husband? Welcome to leave a message.
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★ Author: Yibao; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.