A 10-year-old primary school student's "bitter love" "learning first" adult's "small things", children's "big things" outside of learning, within education

Image source: Visual China

We are "belittling" children.

On Sunday, I met a schoolboy in the game, and after the two of us ate chicken hand in hand, we added a double row of friends, and I pressed the id to call him "Bogo". Maybe out of trust in me, or maybe there's really nowhere to tell, Little Bogo told me, the stranger, about his "sweetheart."

Little Bogo likes each other for a simple reason, because "she is a beautiful woman". In order to prove that his feelings can be seen day by day and month, he once deliberately ran to the city's most lively commercial center to queue up for an hour to buy famous Internet red milk tea for girls in order to impress each other. As a result, the girl did not accept it.

At this point, Little Bogo sighed and muttered in a Shakespearean aria, "What else can I do for her?" How do I prove my heart? I'm willing to give her everything! ”

I didn't understand the emotional logic of a 10-year-old boy, and tried to bring myself into the world of little Bogo: "Bogo, I heard it, you are sincere to her." ”

Little Bogo said approvingly, "You know me. ”

Little Bogo said he wanted to write a touching letter to his "sweetheart" and disappear in front of her. After reading the letter, the girl will deeply understand his intentions, but she can no longer find him, and can only think of him every day, holding the letter in her hand and looking at the distance and crying.

Hearing this, I immediately thought of the word "suicide note", and with some concern, I said, "But Bogo, can you bear to make her cry?" ”

Little BoGo was silent for a while and said sadly, "But she said let me stop influencing her studies." ”

I took advantage of the situation to guide: "You can study with her." ”

I painted a beautiful blueprint for the two of them to make progress together and become a bully in the future, and the fragile logic of the 10-year-old Bogo could not bear my "flickering", and I thought deeply: "I think what you said is very reasonable, it is a good way." After this was done, I went to go to the exercise book that my mother bought. ”

Although I was reluctant to give Little Bogo's outstanding sniper skills, for the sake of the future of the motherland flowers, I still gave Little Bogo a blessing, hoping that he could properly handle the relationship with the girl while studying well.

I have a lot of primary and secondary school students like Little Bogo who play games to know, so from time to time I will receive some troublesome consultations. Whether it is arguing with my family or being bullied by my classmates, children always like to talk to me as an "adult". Of course, it is not only annoying, they will also draw cartoons of interesting things they encounter in the form of graffiti, they will share the shape of the comic exhibition with me, they will talk about their classmates confessing to themselves, the tone is a little proud and happy, but they also really struggle with whether to accept it, how to refuse...

These things can naturally be shared with real-life friends of similar ages, but there are not many adults who are willing to listen.

"My parents are very busy."

"If I were to tell the teacher, she would be scared to death!"

"They definitely say learning comes first, how can I possibly tell them?"

……

Learn first, the real and helpless status quo.

I have been involved in two near-life incidents in college, one of them taking a scholarship from time to time, one of them barely passing the final exam, and the direct reason for the idea of taking a life is surprisingly the same: the pressure to study.

Students with good grades are preparing for graduate school, and even if she goes out to study for the exam every day from six to nine, she still can't stop worrying, worried that she will not be able to enter the target university.

Students who are struggling to study barely pass each final exam, but at least they pass, and the teacher does not embarrass her, and even some teachers in some classes see that she is studying very hard and will take the initiative to make up lessons for her. She usually celebrates "60 points" happily in front of us, but her heart has been accumulating panic and becoming less and less confident.

However, in my opinion, they are like this.

The student with good grades was full of experience, and he had a good grasp of various knowledge points, and he could almost go to the Chinese Poetry Conference. When I was doing my homework, I didn't bother to check the information, and directly asked her that she was much faster than Baidu.

The student who studied harder was brave, bold, and cheerful. She dared to ask the handsome boy for WeChat on the road; dared to ask the leaders who came to visit the school if they could take a group photo, and after the photo, she also asked if she could send a circle of friends to make the leader laugh; she dared to rush up to hug the teacher when she turned her back on the podium because of family affairs and burst into tears...

They shook their heads and said to me, "None of this has anything to do with studying." ”

But isn't something that has nothing to do with learning important?

The standard answer to this question that most people give is probably: Of course not, life is colorful. However, our society, our families, and our schools tell our children all the time that only learning is most important.

According to the 2020 China Economic Life Survey, in 2020, education expenditure accounted for 32.44% of China's total household expenditure. A lifetime of hard work, a third of which is given to the child. And why not just a third? We regard our children as treasures and want to give him the best, and we attach great importance to them.

At the same time, we "despise" our children incomparably.

A child, the brain is full of imagination, a day does not know how many unreliable ideas, maybe tomorrow he himself will forget, why spend energy to take it seriously? All he needs to know is to learn. As for the rest, grow up a little bigger, he understands it himself. And how much misfortune may have been caused by these "just a small idea of a child for a while".

I can't help but think of the boy who fell to his death in Chengdu 49, in the wave of internet public opinion, everyone is more discussing "why there is no monitoring", "why not notify parents at the first time", "whether the school has protected bad people", and rarely looked at the boy himself - a gentle boy who would translate the English version of "When You Are Old" into the style of poetry.

He had scratches on his hands, and when asked by his classmates, he said that he was "in a bad mood and cut with a knife"; he once mentioned in QQ that "forty-nine middle buildings, a leap to solve a thousand sorrows". And then what? No, he is still a "sunny boy laughing" in the eyes of everyone.

I have to admit that every school has a buzzword like "x school xx floor, a leap to solve a thousand sorrows", and children themselves joke about it as a terrier. As for scratching myself with a knife, even when I was a child, I had the experience of being unhappy to take a knife and scratch it on my arm, and there were not many similar experiences in my classmates, but it was not completely absent. So it seems that these are "ordinary small things" and do not need to be paid special attention to.

Compared with the "adult troubles" of the house, marriage, work, leaving home, getting sick, supporting the elderly, and disciplining children, the "thousand sorrows" of children "jumping to a thousand sorrows" are nothing at all.

For example, when Little Bogo tells how affectionate he is for that girl, perhaps many people will find it funny: the current child is still quite precocious. So small, does he understand what love is?

In fact, this kind of thinking is undoubtedly the biggest "contempt" for children. This "contempt" leads us to neglect communication, and the lack of long-term communication allows children to conclude that "adults cannot communicate", and finally self-enclose and refuse to communicate.

Small things that adults think are insignificant may have a thousand weights in the child's world. Maybe the children's "sorrow" is indeed a small worry, but their young minds can only bear a little worry. Instead of teaching them how to get rid of these little worries, we say to them, "You're also worried?" ", a little arrogant, and a little cruel.

We often say that we would rather be difficult than make our children good. This is also the reason why parents want their children to "study hard".

The road of college entrance examination has been placed high hopes by countless parents. In front of the college entrance examination is the middle school entrance examination, in front of the middle school entrance examination is the small ascension beginning, and there is also a choice of garden and school choice before the small ascension... The cold window of twelve years is too short, and parents are always worried that their children are not as well prepared as others, hoping that he can learn more and learn more.

Unconsciously, we have put more energy into children's learning, ignoring the "inside of education, outside of learning" part.

Maybe we didn't really see it, but we were too anxious to look at the flowers and grass on the side of the road, the stars above our heads... We comfort ourselves: when the child has a good life in the future, there will naturally be happiness and happiness.

In fact, the joy of childhood belongs only to childhood, and the happiness of adulthood belongs only to adulthood. Just like if you get up in the morning and encounter something unpleasant, then the day will be grumpy about it. If childhood is filled with troubles that have nowhere to solve, then the good life of the second half of life is likely to not be able to comfort the self of that year after decades.

We want our children to be both good and happy. We must pay attention to the tests and grades, and we must also pay attention to the little worries of the little teenagers.

We need a more scientific education ecology. Learn, but don't just learn.

We have some known unscientific educational methods: such as rushing, so that children have nothing to do in the formal classroom and cannot concentrate; such as training arrangements that fill the day, so that children's spirits are always in tension and cannot relax; such as a large number of mechanical brushing problems, so that children are tired and resistant...

So what is scientific education?

Nowadays, everyone who cares about children's care about education is communicating, and the whole era is exploring. Exchange produces collision, collision bursts of innovation, the larger the platform, the more can gather rich views, carry a wealth of products, the more you can see the society, see China, see the world.

I am very happy that the epidemic is gradually under control, and on June 28 and 29 this summer, we will come to Wuhan, a heroic city, to talk about the scientific nature of education, pay attention to the learning and development of each individual, and how to alleviate the future of the present under the new regulations, and make better education come faster while being friends of time.

You are welcome to come to Optics Valley.