For a long time, there have been all kinds of absurd perceptions of "love". The most common misconception is to think of a man and a woman in love, especially as "falling in love", or to think that it is at least a manifestation of love.
People who fall in love often confess passionately: "I love him (her)!" "But in fact, this is just a subjective desire."
First, falling in love usually produces sexual desires. And as we all know, no matter how much we love our children, we can't fall in love with them. People fall in love because they have a sexual impulse in their consciousness and subconscious.
Secondly, the "love" that falls into the love network will not last long, no matter who the object of love is, people will wake up from the psychedelic of the love network sooner or later.
Biological studies have shown that most of the good feelings between people come from the secretion of hormones in the body, and the secretion and release of human hormones can only last for four months to half a year, and then gradually disappear.
Third, falling in love does not achieve the expansion of self-boundaries, nor does it purposefully promote the growth of the soul, its only role is to eliminate loneliness.
Even if this function is prolonged through marriage, it does not help the mind to mature. This is why many marriages are vulnerable to everyday chores and conflicts.
It can be seen that falling into love is only a typical physiological and psychological response produced when the internal sexual needs of human beings and external stimuli interact, and its significance is to increase human reproductive opportunities, promote the reproduction and survival of species, or in other words, a kind of conquest of human rationality by human primitive genes.
So what is true love?
It can be said that this issue has not yet been given a clear, unambiguous, and acceptable statement to the vast majority of people, and it needs to be further thought about and studied.
So far, I think the conclusions of the famous psychologist and psychologist Scott Pike, after years of clinical experience in medicine and scientific research, may be the closest to true love:
"Love is a willingness to promote the intellectual maturity of oneself and others, and to constantly expand one's boundaries and achieve self-improvement."
The concept of love is so broad that we can hardly explain it thoroughly in words, but we can still try to understand and interpret it.
1. One of the most significant differences between love and non-love is whether the conscious and subconscious goals of the person concerned are consistent.
If it is not consistent, it is not true love. For example: a person is only in his heart to get rid of loneliness, does not want to eat, sleep, watch a movie alone, just hopes that someone can give companionship when he is bored, or just hopes to find a sexual partner... This is by no means love.
2. Love is a long-term, gradual process, which means the continuous growth of the soul and the continuous maturity of the mind.
While giving love, people can not only grow themselves, but also make others improve their minds. Any relationship or marriage, if one party is always stagnant, will inevitably end in failure.
3. Love in the true sense is not only to love others, but also to love oneself.
People who don't love themselves will never love others. Eventually, we will find that loving ourselves and loving others are two parallel paths, and with the passage of time, the two will not only get closer and closer, but the boundaries between them will gradually blur until they disappear completely.
4. Love means that we must continue to work hard to cross the original boundaries.
Love should be put into action, sincerely given, not just verbally. No matter how beautiful it sounds, it is not as good as doing one thing in reality.
5. Love is a will. It is different from desire, for not all desires can be transformed into action, and only desires that are strong enough to be transformed into action can be called wills.
At the same time, we must also soberly realize that when we are giving love and contributing to the maturity of our own and other people's minds, it must be consciously voluntary, and it is our active choice to love, rather than a passive, reciprocal return.
So what can we do so that we can get closer to true love, and can we better love ourselves and others?
1. Be an independent and free person, with an independent personality and the ability to survive independently. At the same time, always regard the object of love as an independent individual, and respect the independence and growth of the other party.
One of the important characteristics of love: both love and being loved are not appendages of each other, and neither party can override the other. The ideal way of marriage: marriage is a system of division of labor and cooperation, both husband and wife need dedication and care, make efforts for each other's growth, and promote the common growth of the two hearts.
It is a good illustration of the relationship between lovers.
2. Love must be self-disciplined. The driving force of self-discipline comes from love, and all love is inseparable from self-discipline.
Self-discipline is a concrete way to translate love into practical action. Those who truly understand love must know how to self-discipline and will promote the maturity of the minds of both parties. A person who can grasp and control his emotions will not only not lack passion and vitality, but will make his emotions more profound and profound. Man is the master of emotions, but also becomes a slave to emotions, only those who know self-discipline and self-discipline can better control it.
3. Have the courage to invest, but also dare to take the risk of loss.
Full engagement is one of the cornerstones of true love. Being fully engaged and making commitments can give the other person a sense of security, and commitment is an important part of a relationship development process. Couples face problems such as dependence and independence, manipulation and obedience, freedom and loyalty, etc., if there is no commitment to maintain a stable emotional relationship, living in the shadow of suspicion and fear all day long, the emotional relationship will inevitably end. Having the courage to invest does not mean never being afraid, believing that in every emotional relationship, there will be a crisis. Dare to face fear, overcome fear, and move forward calmly is the real brave. Of course, everyone must also be mentally prepared to lose. The essence of life is a process of constant change, growth and decline. Choosing to live and grow, you also choose to face the possibility of loss or death.
4.Learn to pay attention, know how to self-reflect, and master the art of controlling conflict.
Learn to listen to each other's voices, pay attention to the subtle changes and growth of each other, timely feedback, and do not skimp on praise. Be diligent in self-examination, always have an honest and modest attitude, respect each other's independence, and do not focus on each other's shortcomings. In the face of conflict, do not blame the other party in the name of love, admit that the other party is different from yourself, and do not draw conclusions based on intuition alone. Conflict is a special control in interpersonal relationships, and if properly used, it can improve the process of interpersonal relationships and even change the life of a loved one. Dare to face up to conflict and contradiction and let each other become the best critics and suggestions.
Finally, I would like to say that true love must come from the maturity of the mind, the growth of the heart, and the result of constantly expanding the boundaries of the self and constantly improving itself. And the result must be the joint efforts of two people to achieve.
@Wang Ji mood pawnshop
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